My Diary October 2013 Onwards

Joy

 

 

Picture 3feathers.deviantart

October joy
Springtime in Sunny
South Africa
The month of my birth
and the birth
of little Abigail
,my grandchild.
I am digging for joy
with my cold fingers
grasping at
my tight chest
The traffic officer
did not fine me
for not wearing
a seatbelt
I cant I
explained
and showed him
the scar where
my "device"
was implanted
I have many scars
some from
operations
others from
accidents
but they are
not as deep
or, as permanent
as the self
inflicted scars
on my soul
I took Krissie
to school
My joy child
my love child
and as
I search for joy
in my stagnated life
a thought comes up
and I shall share it
Krissie has a dream
she is working
on it
When I was
her age
I also had a dream
I wanted to become
a marine biologist
alas I could
not go and study
only studied
late in my thirties
to boost my career
she uses what she has
her voice, her personality
and her joy
She made a video
of her singing
The child
is adamant
she is going
to be a singer
I left my
childhood dream
behind
on the mine dumps
of a dreary town
Studied
when I was
in my thirties
to boost a career
I was "buried" in
Saw the
picture of joy
and remembered
frolicking naked
on a beach
at Southern Cross
not bothered
if people
saw me or not
Later I remember
two young lovers
naked under
a waterfall
The freedom
of being dressed
by the sky
gave me joy
I shall give
Krissie my undying
support and love
and so I shall
afford Abi
the same



krissie and Abi
Little Shaunette
is not forgotten
even if she lives
far away

 Shaunette, Sherbert and I
So I found joy
joy in the future
joy from
the fruit of my loins
Our dreams never die
just like us
we also never die
Peace and love be with you
my brothers and sisters
Forever
may your dreams never die
Amen
doulos

Flora

I was there when

The Word

Traversed the vastness

I was coded

Secured in a shell

And released

I waited many eons

For the code

To develop

I witnessed

The ones

Called the likeness

And a love  for them

Developed in me

I saw their code

So similar to the Word

I loved the Word

The Word loved me

Feed my children

Let them breathe

I waited

Until one selected me

And united me

With the source

My shell erode

My code unlocked

I was fed

The energy visited

Me every day

I was birthed

I shall multiply

I shall fulfil

My code

I am

A seed

we shall

unite likeness

with the Word

Peace and love be with you

My likeness companions

May you fulfil your code

Forever

Amen

doulos

 I Am

So I think I am wise
I use Social media
to inform
my friends
of my status
I rise
in my
own esteem
then I
draw a blank
according to
calculations
an estimated
100 to 126 billion
people
lived on earth
since it's
formation
So out of
the window
goes fairy tales
of only
so  many
will go to heaven
Dude heaven is
already
over populated
if your Fairy Tale
is true
My idea of wisdom
is a simple one
based on
One Creator
This being
The Creator
defies all logic
in fact
Is Logic
From forever
to forever
So where did
the Creator
come from?
From nowhere
and everywhere
I Am
So my dear friends
ignore those
with "wisdom"
with fake titles
like Apostle
and Prophet
and Shaman
and Sangoma
And Scientist
and Scholar
they are but
specks of dust
like us
Yet I Am
knows them
loves then
has created
a universe
for them
Do not
try to define
I Am
It is
Infinite
We worry about
A growing
population
gasp
7 Billion souls
mere peanuts
compared to
126 Billion
departed Souls
Stop worrying
worship
 I Am
I do
and I
am rewarded
because my
conscious
is cocooned
in love
it belongs
it has
purpose
Peace and love be with you
my brother and sister dust
Forever
Amen
doulos



Hear

I wake up
to the mighty thunder
as it sears
a huge tree in half
God is talking
I am not afraid
I love his voice
I cherish
the life giving rain
There are many Gods
on earth
Many are worshipped
but none talks
I was lost
desperate and forlorn
Broke and broken
I kneeled in
a chapel
and the
One God
that talks
spoke to me
It changed me
It healed me
it uplifted me
and promised
hope
and eternity
I respect
other people's
religion
their conviction
and their Gods
but I can only
worship
One God
The One
who is
The Word
the I am
that spoke
to me
Of all
the estimated
100 billion
people
that ever lived
out of the
more than seven
billion that
currently live
He called me
by name
I revere Him
I Love Him
He is
Almighty
and wonderful
and He knows
your name too
Open your soul
Cry out to Him
and He shall
speak to you
I  know this
as I know
myself
Peace and love
be with you
my brothers
and sisters
may the Word
touch you and heal you
Forever
Amen
doulos

Gro

I planted seeds
nursed them
looked after them
and then
the hail comes
They are shred
battered and bruised
some drowned
But I am happy
not because
my hard work
and dedication
met an untimely end
because
I know
life
is a cycle
a never ending
cycle
already
there is promise
of growth
in the happy singing
of the birds
in the Rainbow
that carries the
the colour
of regeneration
I look back
 on my life
I  look at
my darkest hours
my deepest despair
and I dig
for a glimmer
of hope
Then the Sun
brings a golden edge
to the stormy clouds
one ray
of sunshine
is enough
to brighten
the promise
of hope
one drop
of rain
carries
the code
of the
Universe
Our planet
appears blue
because of it
It is
quiet
in my little
office
the bird songs
a natural
therapeutic
backdrop
to a still soul
a thankful
soul
nourished
by love
generated
by
my
mere
existence
thank u
Almighty One
your servant
is nourished
fed by
your Wisdom
covered by
your promise
of Life eternal
peace and love be with you
my brothers and sisters
Forever
Amen
doulos


Us

They blew in
swept along
by the  rain
the three of them
N and J and baby Q

the baby

I was lamenting
my seedlings
being battered
by the ceaseless
downpour
The doorbell
I mumble
"who now,
in this weather?"
A familiar
face
a slight
fragile young girl
covered in layers
of clothing
"is die Anti hier?"
Die Anti
is behind me
I know N
she used
to live on the
streets with J
they made
a living
guarding cars
I never knew her
name
neither His
They need a place
for the night
I called J in
with the pram
covered
in
layers of
every dry
piece of cloth
they had available
J sits outside
smoking
I invite
him into
my
"Cigar room"
as mall space
between the front door
and security gate
where I smoke
Monica does not
want a man
in the house
we have
a teenage daughter
J says to me
I will guard cars
all night
must get money in
for milk for
the baby
So he leaves
I gave him
a set of
thermal underwear
to keep him warm
We lie in bed
Monica's heart is sore
about the twins
that were dumped
and only one
survived
Why could they not
leave them
on our doorstep?
"Do not try
to solve Life?
I answer
Now we
have a baby
In the house
N and J met
on Mixit
They were
at the coast
where J
had a job
Now they
are back
J phoned
very early
for his wife
and Baby to
join him
At least they
were fed
and had
a place to sleep
for the night
One twin
survived
life is harsh
"where was God?":
I do not know
I do not try
to solve Life
 I just Live it
May peace and love be with you
my brothers and sisters
and N and j and baby Q
Forever
Amen
doulos


Pain

 My blog is a place
where I share
I  always try
to "write myself positive"
but sometimes
the pain
and loneliness
overwhelms me
When u r vulnerable
a molehill
becomes a mountain
a mosquito
a vulture
I take
life seriously
I only
have one
When I run out
of friends
family
When I need
the warmth
of a human being
to hold
my hand
and comfort me
I only have one
avenue
I write
Agape
Godly love
not the
empty phrase
so much abused

פעור פה

Χάσκων

Agape

Then I
calm down
I take my hurt
and wrap it
and put
in my box
of treasures
for I
realise
Hurt is
the catalyst
the furnace
that
purifies
and
produces
love
May peace and love
be with you
my brothers and sisters
Forever
Amen
doulos