Monday, June 6, 2011

The road to Recovery- i meets I.

I am in two minds to write this.One warns me of my fellow man's scorn and judgment and the other reminds me of Agape "Godly Love". I am between a rock and a hard place and then I read the following;

Isa 66:24 "And they shall go forth and look on the dead bodies of the men that have rebelled against me; for their worm shall not die, their fire shall not be quenched, and they shall be an abhorrence to all
flesh." (RSV)

Our Saviour expressed the state of the blessed by sensible images; such as paradise, Abraham's bosom, or, which is the same thing, a place to recline next to Abraham at table in the kingdom of heaven. See Mt 8:11. Coenabat Nerva cum paucis. Veiento proximus, atque etiam in sinu recumbebat. "The Emperor Nerva supped with few. Veiento was the first in his estimation, and even reclined in his bosom.From Adam Clarke's commentarry Isa 66:24

I am no Preacher although my Father was one and I Inhereted his study books. I do not Preach,because I do not believe that I am Worthy. Many have told me I am an excellent orator, that I am convincing and inspiring. Then I wonder how it came about,that for more than forty years a lie was "sold" over the pulpit in South Africa. A lie that ignored all empathy for others based solely on the color of their skin.. There were few "Men of God" brave enough to resist the country's ruler's madness. Some, even today, still cling desperately to it, hoping for a "miracle" to bring back the "glorious past".

Call me a sceptic,call me an ignoramus,call met whatever you like,this is about discovering I, and the road that I traveled,and are still travering to discover I.

No not discovering ME, discovering I. See I comes befor M alphabetically and otherwise. All my life i(intentionally dimunitive) had tremendous douts about the being that is harboured by my body. i grew up in a strict Christian home with strict Christian morals. Or so innocent little i thought.

It is a world of fear, a world where terrible things ae going to happen to you when I get's angry because you could not obey I's Ten Commandments Worse were going to happen when your Mother finds out what a cheeky little sinner you realy were. Between I and Mom, i did not know who i feared most. If Mom does not finish me off in this world I would mkde sure that i would suffer forever..

i was born scared into a fimily that scared me,into a world, that was even scarier and i was on my way to the scariest place of ALL-ETERNAL HELL AND DAMNATION. Why i as so scared was that everyone seemed to yell at i and get mad at i. i was the uselessist i in the whole universe. Mom yelled and donnered the living daylights out of i.

i could not fight,i was frightened and they. Her and her son were going to make a real man out of me yet. She told me that "No son of mine is a sissy Hit him!, i did not and she got angrier and angrier, eventually she drove off with these words."I am not your mother, I do not have sissy's for sons."

Well they nearly succeeded. i was forced to become tough. i had to box, do Judo, play rugby,tennis. I enjoyed physical activity a lot and i got very good at sport en specially the last bit.,do gymnastics,athletics and F**K,Sports with the opposite sex.

Then came the Army and i went off with dreams in my mind of making amends.making amends with Mom,my Brother, my Country and I. So i stormed off into the sunset to become a soldier. i lost my marbles on a shooting range after basic training in the hellhole called 5 SAI in Ladysmith KZN in the middle of winter. That sorted things out real good,i was mad, i was sent from pillar to post and was forbidden to even carry matches,dangerous sycopathic monster and all.

So i was a little fu
*ck*p growing into a big fu*c#up. I got married,caused enough shit to refertilize Africa three times over and got dumped. Then I got married again and trying to learn from my past,tried to have an "Open Relationship". The only things that were open about it was my fly and the girl's thighs.

It did not liberate in the way that a certain Guru tried to ensure us it would. It is the purest love of all to share your loved one and glowing in their pleasure. Mythical stuff, I am telling you until a criket bat nearly opened my skull.

Suffice to say i led a wild and reckless life. Started drinking and smoking when i was fourteen. Got into women's panties when I was eighteen. that is if you do not count the kind ladies,many years my senior,who kindly tried to make a man out of me.

In a nutshell, i was one of the worst dear brother, believe me. many will bear testimony to my debauchery. i was thirsty,thirsty for women and thirsty for booze. That i was told is a thirst that never dies, just like the worm the Prophet told us about.

i learned all of this in Rehab. Booked myself in for a compulsary three weeks in an ernest attemt to turn i around. i was killing itself deliberately,i is now 50 years old and only I knows how i survived that long.Three heart attacks,a stroke,suicide attempt et al. i am the proud owner of a Pacemaker, and clogged arteries and are sensory deaf.

i tried desperately to turn i around, to turn on the brakes and i literally walked through fire to try and achieve this. i read far and wide, i tried out churches and got scammed,conned and deluded over and over again.

There were no answers,just theories and loads of bullshit. i know some things works for some people like religion,meditation and most high aspirations of evolving to the top of the heap ,that is mankind. i experienced weird and wonderfull things,seriously i started experiencing things that some would describe weird,fringing on lunacy etc.etc.

i started communicating with beings that i did know,realy existed.They came to me in visions,through my senses and was becoming part of i. please do not try to exorsice anything out of i. What is in i,i knows and trusts it is part of i. It protects i and lives in i and eventually,after all my endeavours to find the Truth about Life it hit me like a hammer.

i was in a chappel alone on the grouds of Rehab. i was crying out and praying to I for help. i was desperate, at i's lowest eb.Workless,about to be divorced and shunned by evrybody who i ever loved.
Then I spoke to i, and i shall never forget the words. They were clear and certain,final. "But Frans I saved you."

Believe me i know what i heard and everyone around me could immediately see it a calmness came over me, an understanding I, i call Him "Elohim my Father", after out of the blue, i talked to I in a language only I and I's servants, we call them Angels, understand.

Then who is I. i only know one thing about I. I is everywhere,was everywhere and will be everywhere in the entire Universe,that I created, Forever.!

Dear brother and sister bear with me. i do not attack anyone's beliefs,their religion,their dogma or the lack of any of the aforementioned.I do not belittle their God's or lack of them. Not even the Arch Angel Gabriel slandered the Angel Lucifer, when they fought over  the body of Moses. read in Jude if you are a Christian. others will read in their own Holy books. Remember that even the Devil was created an Angel.

Yes i am a Christian and i believe in the Holy Trinity. The three is I, the One I am who I am.

Because I am a Christian i now believe that i was saved by I, who spilled the blood of His Son to save mankind from itself. i think of I as masculine and i know others disagree. i am not trying to convince anyone.

i Read the Bible, it is not a book, it is a Library. in that Library are other books that in isolation seems to contain the Answer everyone is trying to find. The Truth abou knowing about,t Good and Evil, that we shall know one day when I decides to reveal all.

i is I in a sense that i was created in the Image of I,the Three, that are One. Simplified to the extreme maybe,crazy maybe wahtever.

I believe in I unconditionally and accepts I's love unconditionally, and accepts i as an imperfect copy of I, incapable of being perfect. So i accept what i am and try to make my enviroment,Earth where i live as pleasant a place possible for i and every other i, is share humaneness with.

That is my purpose in life. To love I with all my heart,all my strength all my mind and intelect and to love all my brothers and sisters like i love iself.

If you like the conventional way of Preaching there are various attemts at that,elsewhere on this Blog.

Peace be with you my brothers and sisters, peace and love be with you.

I's slave ,i.(Doulos)

And finally,if you id not gain it from the above."No matter how screwed uo u are, no no matter how low you have slumped.no matter how deep into the cesspool of life you find yourseld,I is waiting to welcome U,i, to an eternal life. where you can finally discover i, and I.

Amen and Amen.(Doulos)

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