My old Diary

I start afresh. one simple careless click and my Diary is no more. Gone into the ether. Here we go again. My apologies

June 4. 2011

Fish

I have "inherited" a plank from a dear departed friend, and took me years to plan the design. I left the plank uncut. It is solid mahogany and about 3 cm thick. It had to tell a story. It was so precious to me that I "taught" myself to carve.

The first thing I carved on that plank was the fife Greek letters for Fish. see above. Why.? because I am a Christian and although I love my Catholic brothers and sisters i do not believe in trying to create an image of God. So I carved the meaning instead..

tried to enhance detail

The quality of this photo do not do justice to the beauty of the plank.

By carving those letters I make a statement of my faith. It is far left bottom under the male lion. On the left is my family depicted by a female lion with cubs. A small one ,under her chin(Krissmonne) a bigger one,lying on a rock(Zayne) another one sitting in foreground(Hilda -Marie). The female(Monx) the Male(me)

In the centre is an embracing couple. A darker female with braids and a lighter male,symbolising our union. The circle,ring symbolising eternity or the bond that binds,encircles our union. sealed at the bottom with a crude(intentional) place of my family crest. Imperfect because I know that there are those of the Olwagen clan that are of the opinion that i'messed" up the "purity" of their bloodline.

In front of and at the end of the five letters for the fish are the symbols,Alpha and Omega. Above the lions head is a Zulu kraal,the birth place of my wife in the Kwa Zulu natal Midlands and an aloe. Above the circle is a dove(big) some construe it to be an eagle. The dove depicts peace and the Holy Spirit. there are alo guinea fowl. I had a vision and commissioned a painting by my sister that tels that story.

This is a statement of my faith and a dedication to my family. I do not believe to put picture of clerics anywhere in my house except for a photo of my own Father(Ds Jannie Olwagen 1925-1962). In my opinion people start worshipping people by putting images of clerics, holy men etc on the walls of their homes. A simple cross would do the trick. a Symbol is enough.

I honour my father and Mother and my family and they are the only ones that i will have staring at me from my walls. definitely nt in my bedroom.(My sanctuary).

                                                                      2011/07/18

a slave

Original Word: δοῦλος, ου, ὁ
Part of Speech: Adjective; Noun, Feminine; Noun, Masculine
Transliteration: doulos
Phonetic Spelling: (doo'-los)
Short Definition: a male slave
Definition: (a) (as adj.) enslaved, (b) (as noun) a (male) slave.





Things regularly happens in my life that cannot be logically explained. It happens at regular intervals and as a result people called me "A Prophet", "A Magician" even something akin to a"Sangoma"or "Shaman".

My wife have often said to me "Frans jy toor" in utter disbelief that things happened exactly as I predicted. others fear me. "Watch out if he Say's it, it is going to happen."

I am none of the above. I pray and sometimes my prayers get answered and that is the sum total of it all.

Out of the blue I started calling God "Elohim my Father". It was not a conscious decision it just happened and when it happened I started praying in a language that I could not and still do not understand.

It scares me for I am afraid that I might offend God. Somehow I know that I am not and continue and then things start happening.
So it happened that I was in Rehab. I  was fed up with with people preaching to me and I started reading furiously. In a matter of three days I read the whole of Calvyn and another book trying to explain why Bad things happen to Good people. I was even more fed up and downright angry. Calvyn was te monkey on my back and the Professor,doctor,Dominee missed the whole point and I disgusted by it,threw that book into a corner.

So it was my turn to have a one on one with the Dominee. I armed myself with notes and a firm decision to tel her the Truth of why I cannot accept their theories and why I think their methodology is ineffective and in fact getting negative results.

She listened quietly and gave me a book to read instead. i read it and inexplicably wrote in the book in pen. "03'03/05 as of this day Frans Olwagen is a Slave to Jesus Christ." Then I started panicking. How could I be so foolish to think a sinner like me could be a bond servant of Jesus.

I quote the Apostle Paul:

Ga 1:10 ¶ For <gar> do I <peitho> now <arti> persuade <peitho> men <anthropos>, or <e> God <theos>? or <e> do I seek <zeteo> to please <aresko> men <anthropos>? for <gar> if <ei> I <aresko> yet <eti> pleased <aresko> men <anthropos>, I should <an> not <ou> be <emen> the servant <doulos> of Christ <Christos>. (KJV)

 10 ¶ Am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still pleasing men, I should not be a servant of Christ. (RSV)

  all things to all men, that he might gain some: not to make a present gain of them, but that they might be eternal gainers by him; it was not to exalt himself, but that Christ might be exalted in the hearts and lives of his hearers, that he sought in and by his ministry to please all men; and thus in imitation of him, let us seek to please all men for their good to edification.  (William Burkitt’s notes on the New Testament.)

Now my dear friend ,the contradiction is clear to see. That is why I do not preach. Only a revelation from the Holy Spirit can imbibe in you the true meaning of the words in The Bible. If you do not have that gift rather remain quiet.

I, a man that has not been gainfully employed for the last ten years, that suffered three heart attacks,a stroke and is partially deaf, went on a hunt to a luxurious game farm and I shot my first antelope with one shot straigth through the heart at a distance of 100m. Just because my darling daughter asked for a Kudu.

There are many more examples I can give. This blog is full of it. I simply do not fully understand how God blesses me in such abundance.

You know what? I asked "Elohim My Father" if I could be His slave and He in all His Grace and Majesty allowed me to do that. His "Agape" love is not understandable by mere human beings. Our brains are totally inadequate. We are Human, He is a God.

So bear me when I sign off in the manner that I do.

Peace be with you my brothers and sisters, peace and love be with you.

Amen

doulos.

I did it again and now I am getting a bit tired of being so stupid. Dit is die vinnige vingertjies sien so hier gaan ons weer. Terug na die Koedoe.

Ek gaan die storie een laaste keer oorskryf. net eers n bietjie rus en moed skep. my eie skuld, my vingers is te vinnig vir die blog en dan vee ek goeters goedsmoeds uit. Eish, Eina pyn!

n Oproep van n ou vriend het die hele ding begin. Monica my African Queen , so opgewonde soos n klein dogtertjie wat haar eerste Barbie gekry het is skoon uitasem."Jou vriend karl het gebel, ek, huh ek het nie n vriend met daai naam nie. Is man dis karl hy se hy ken jou."  " dit is nie dalkies Charl nie, ja dis  karl." na n klein onderonsietjie oor die gebruik van ons albei se moedertaal, Afrikaans en my vrou se dialek daarvan, vind ek uiteindelik uit Charl soek my.

Om n lang storie kort te maak, ek was so opgewonde ek het selfs n gedig daaroor geskryf, in Afrikaans nogal. Chappie as jy dalkies die lees. jy het die enigste kopie. Dit sal nooit weer herleef nie. So gaan dit aan. My boesemvriend nooi my na n rugby game. stadig maar seker herleef ons ons jeug.

Weer n oproep. Charl het my genooi om te gaan jag. ek is oorstelp, het nie woorde nie. Al my lewe lank droom ek van jag. Ek het my eerste windbuks by my sief Oupa gekry. Ek was versot op die veld en het baie ure alleen "gejag", dit is nou duiwe en voeltjies, die windbuks kon niks groter skiet nie.

My stiefpa het gejag, maar my nooit saamgevat nie. Een keer het ek hom "genooi", maar dit was n groot mislukking. Daar was niks wild nie en ek was hondsiek. Hy weier om my 303, wat sy Pa vir my nagelaat het te gee. Hoe minder ek daarvan praat hoe beter.

Ek betrek dadelik die Internet vir n blitskursus in jag. waar moet jy mik om dit of dat te skiet. wat gebeur op jagtogte. wat is jagetiket ens,ens. My dogterjie Krissmonne(10) is opgewonde. Sy besluit summier "Daddy you must shoot a Kudu for me,I am in the Kudu team." Ek kry dadelik n migraine. Ek weet niks van jag nie, net dat dit vrek duur is en groot bokke soos Koedoes soveel te meer. Ek stres myself lam.

Uiteindelik breek die tyd aan om te gaan. kon die vorige nag nie slaap nie, te opgewonde. Gelukkig het Monica soos altyd n plan gemaak om my uite te rus vir die jagtog. bietjie oor boord gegaan na my mening, maar jy kyk nie n gegewe perd ind die bek nie. Ingepak en aan getrek wag ek buite op die sypaadjie, dit is ysig koud, gelukkig is ek warm aangetrek.

Die twyfel knaag aan my. se nou ek skiet mis of veel erger, se nou ek mis en kwes n bok en kry dit nie. Voor die tyd het ek mooi vir Krissmonne verduidelik."Daddy will only get one chance baby,only one shot and if I fail I shall return home emty handed." Ek wou nie my kind teleurstel nie en ek wou nie vrou teleurstel nie. Ek en my gedagtes as my maatjie wag op die sypaadjie op die hoek van Maroela Straat en Beaconsfield Avenue.

In my gedagtes skiet ek n bok. n Koedoe en ek tref hom presies waar die ilustrasies my gewys het, ek moet hom skiet. dan kom die duiwel en ek kwes die bok. Uiteindelik ariveer die manne wat my kom haal. Ek waai vir my gesin. krissmonne kom uit toegedraai in haar kombersie. "Bye, bye Daddy love you." ken nie die ouens nie,hulle begin dadelik Engels praat en ek antwoord in Afrikaans.

Ek ontdooi stadig en die geselsery is bietjie gestrem. my gemoed is te vol om te klets. Vind uit die een ou is Charl se ouer broer wat ek nooit ontmoet het nie. hulle is gawe mense en vriendelik en maak dit makliker vir my om te gesels.

ons kom op die plaas aan waar ons gaan jag. dit is pragtig. Die akkomodasie is luuks en goed ontwerp met n tuin, wat n ou eerdeer in n botaniese park sal verwag. Dit is nes ek Chappie ken. Die man is deeglik en n bietjie van n perfeksionis. gedurende die groetery hoor ek skaars die ander gaste se name. Toe sien ek hom. oom frikkie, of liewer oom Wes soos ek hom onthou,Charl se pa. ek erken hom onmiddelik al het ek hom meer as dertig jaar laas gesien. Die liggaam is oud, bietjie gekrimp en geboe, maar die helder glansende oe en die glimlaggende gesig is dieselfde. Ek omhels hom.

Oom wes en tannie Wes was vir my soos my eie ouers. Mammie kon nie altyd daar wees vir my nie. hulle het my altyd aanvaar. oom Wes is n Wyse man en is dit nog steeds. Sy borrelende geaardheid het nog nooit verander nie.  tannie Wes het my waarde raak gesien as n mens, al het my eie familie gereken ek gaan n mislukking uitdraai.Ek was steeds lief vir hulle soos in my jeug, al is tannie Wes reeds oorlede. Dan is daar Hannes, Charl se seun, wat ek ook voorheen ontmoet het. hy is die tipe mens wat ek graag as my eie seun sou wou he. helaas ek sal nooit n seun he nie, ek is nou te oud vir sulke dinge.

Die manne vra my hoekom lyk ek so ernstig en oudergewoonde antwoord ek. "Dit kom met die geboorte." Diep in my woel dit en my siel is onrustig. Ek is so bly om tyd saam met n ou vriend te spandeer,maar dit wys nie. Ek is te bekommerd dat ek sal faal. Ek is te bang om my mense by die huis en ook vir Charl teleur te stel. Ja ek kan blerrie goed skiet, my windbuks is soos deel van my arms ek lig hom net op en die duiwe val. Die is anders,dit is wildsbokke en die manne saam my glo in jag op die ou manier. Hulle sny spoor en gee die wild n regverdige kans.

Dit is moeilik om Charl aleen eenkant te kry,  en al my bekomernisse met hom te deel. hy is die gasheer en is besig. Genadiglik is Hannes die bestuurder van die die jagwa en ek trek sy tong n bietjie. wat mag ons skiet.? Wat mag ons nie skiet nie." etc. Wat kan ek hou nadat ek geskiet het, bla,bla die arme ou het seker nie geweet wat aangaan met my nie.

Dit is lekker op die plaas. Ek is lief vir die natuur en wil so veel tyd moontlik in die veld spandeer. ja ek geniet ook die geskerts en saam kuier om die kampvuur. Ek is op n missie en ek is dood ernstig. Ek gaan nie misluk nie en op elke geleentheid wat ek kry bid ek."My Pappie", soos ek Hom noem, ken my en ek vertrou Hom. Hannes dink ek is gelukkig aangesien die bokke sommer net verskyn as ons gaan ry.

Hy het klaar n Koeoe platgetrek en is n gesoute jagter. hy is n groot hulp en maklik om mee oor die weg te kom. Uiteindelik besluit Charl dit is tyd dat die manne, wat nog nie gejag het nie oefen. daar is twee 303's en ons skiet skyf op 100 m. Ek is nie gewoond aan n teleskoop nie en skiet bietjie rond en bont. uiteindelik vra ek om uit die vuis te skiet, soos ek gewoond is en skiet n pragskoot. Later die middag mis ek n skoot op n Koedoe-ooi en ek is eindelik bly aangesien my senuwees bedaar.

Charl besluit ek is gereed en besluit ons gaan die volgende more douvoordag jag.Die aand kan ek nie slaap nie. drieuur is ek wakker en gaan na die lapa toe. Ek krap die assies weg van die vuur en gooi n paar stompies op. Ek steek n sigaret aan en skink n koppie boeretroos. Ek is genadiglik alleen met my gedagtes en praat met my "Pappie."

Die manne is almal hulpvaardig. hulle is die sout van die aarde. Goeie mense, diep gelowig en elkeen suksesvol. Hulle probeer my oorreed om eers n Rooibok te probeer skiet. Hulle goedbedoelde raad werk nie vir my nie. Ek is vasbeslote, of n Koedoe of niks. Hoe sou hulle verstaan dat my geloof ontwrikbaar is en ek volle vertoue in my "Pappie" het. Indien ek hulle raad sou aanvaar sou ek twyfel in Hom en sal my geloof ver te kort skiet.

 Net ek en Hannes en n jong vriend,ook n gesoute jagter en twee gidse. Die vriend se pa se vir hom hy sal moet roer as hy iets wil skiet aangesien hulle direk na die jag gaan ry. Dit is ses dertig en dit is ysig koud. Ons het twee urevoor ontbyt en dan gaan Roger en sy seun ry. Ek sal wel verder kan jag maar ek is baie gestres en hoop om so gou moontlik my doelwit te bereik. Ek Bid, 'Elohim my Vader", u ken die begeerte van my hart, wees by my.

Skaars n halfuur later wys die gids opgewonde, dit is n Rooibok en die jongman en die gids is die veld in. Ek en Hannes wag,my vingers wil vries en ek sit dit in my baadjie se sak. Skaars vyftien minuteklap n skoot en die manne kom terug gestap. Dit was n kolskoot en n mooi Rooibokram word gelaai om te gaan slag. Die gidse is profesioneel binnekort is die Rooibokafgeslag en hang in die koelkamer. Ons vertrek medt die doelom terug te gaan na die lapa, waar ons ontbyt sou geniet.

Hannes beslui om n ompad te ry en skielit se die gids saggies, stop.daar is n jong Koedoe wat voor in die pad uit die bosse kom en nuuskierig gaan stilstaan om ons te bekyk. Ek kry die 303 gereed. my vingers steeds gevries en ek wag in doodse stilte. Die bok is te jonk. Dan kom sy uit die bos, n pragtige Koedoe-ooi. Vir n oombblik huiwer sy, ek le aan maar sy is effe in die bos en ek kan nie n duidelike teiken sien nie. Daar is oorhsangende takke in my lyn van sig. Sy beweeg effe vorentoe

Die Gids is opgewonde. "Jy het hom." se hy uit jare se ervaring ons ry nader na waar die Koedoe verdwyn het. Ek is vreemd dood kalm bewe nie eens n bietjie nie. Binne in my slak ek n groot sug van verligting. "Dankie Vader,"bid ek. Ons loop skaars tien meter die bos in en daar le sy. Ek het net n klein knipmessie by my. Ek bere dit al vir jare. Dit is nversamelstuk, n HI-ho messie. Die ooi is dood , die Gids sny die keel af met die klein messie. Ek haal my pet,my mussie en bril af en gee dit vir hom as n geskenk ek is so verjeug.

Ons laai die bok en ek vat n slukkie skoon whiskey uit my heup flessie wat ek spesiaal vir die geleentheid saamgebring. Die flessie en die messie is my geskenk aan Charl. Ek is n man wat nie werk nie en ek het dit spesiaal saamgebring as n geskenk. Vir my het dit baie sentimele waarde en ek hoop hy aanvaar dit in die gees wat dit gegee word.

By die kamp aangekom is daar opgewondenheid. Dit was n kolskoot reg deur die hart. Die manne is verbaas dat ek so goed geskiet het. Daai bok was meer as 100 meter ver en ek moes vinnig skiet ander het sy verwyn. Ek is nie verbaas nie. My" Pappie" het agter my gestaan toe ek skiet, dit weet ek en ek is Hom baie dankbaar daarvoor.

Sy was mooi, met sielvolle groot blink bruin oe en lang oogwimpers. Sy het die vorige aand saam met die ander ooie in die volmaan gesoek na die bron van voedsel, wat hulle kon ruik. Dit was n vraggie lemoene, wat die vorige dag afgelaai is vir die wild.

Die veld was vaal,mistroostig en droog. daar was nie baie kos nie en sy was bly om n vars bron van voedsel te ontdek. Sy was gebore in die wereld agter die Soutpansberg. Dit was al wat sy geken het. die lewe was hard maar lekker.

Haar pad moes myne kruis. Sy had geen keuse nie. Ek is lief vir die natuur en is tenvolle bewus van my veratwoordelik teenoor my Skepper en teenoor die diere,wat hy in die mensdom se sorg toevertrou het. Ek raak nie sentimenteel oor jag nie. Vir my is dit eenvoudig. jy skiet net wat jy kan eet en jy doen dit omsigtig met dankbaarheid dat God dat die wonderlike natuur geskape het om vir my ook n tuiste te wees.

Ek is dankbaar vir haar en ek is bly dat dit ek was, en nie iemand wat haar nie sou waardeer nie. Sy het gesterwe en ek lewe, dit is die gang van die lewe. Haar vel sal my altyd herhinder aan die eerste keer wat ek gejag het. Ek het haar opgedra as n offerhande aan my "Pappie". Net ek en Hy sal verstaan wat dit beteken en sy ook. Ek dig nie menslike emosies aan diere toe nie. Ek is dankbaar vir hulle bestaan en waardeer dit dat ek in die pragtige land kan bly waar n man nog vir die pot kan gaan jag.

Ek is diep dankbaar teenoor my mater van my jeug omdat hy my nooit vergeet het nie. Charl was altyd in my hart, ek was net te bang vir nog n teleurstelling, om weer weggestoot te word. Hy is nie so nie. Hy is nog net soos wat ek hom geken het, toe ons jeugdrome gedeel het.

aan die manne wat hulle vriendkap en samesyn met my gedeel het se ek dankie. Julle het my tuis laat voel. Vir Hannes, jy het nou twee Pa's of jy dit like of nie ek waardeer wat jy vir my gedoen het en dat jy my eerste jag met my gedeel het. Vir almal wat n wonderlike naweek in n monumentale gebeurtenis verander het." I salute you."

                                                                        2011/07/19

                                                                               Love

I have read a lot,experienced a lot,suffered a lot,meditated a lot,experimented a lot,studied a lot and lived a Little until I discovered Love. Love is that part of me that refuses to die unfulfilled. doulos

I could devote this whole blog to this one word. We had a wonderful weekend hunting and love was one of the topics raised.

Why do bad things then happen to good people. Why does a five month old baby get raped multiple times by numerous adult men.? Where is love in all of this? Where was the Loving God when this happened.?

If I knew the answer to that my friend, I would consider myself to be a wise man.

A Tree has no choice where it grows, it is used,  and abused and cannot complain. An animal is food to both man and beast and has no voice or choice in the matter.

Why men prefer to be evil is beyond me.

I only know one thing and that is that I shall live forever because I am loved.

Therefore I do not try to solve life but love life and in doing so recognise the authority of God as Creator of all including love.

I pity those who choose evil and shun love. The fate awaiting them is in their own hands.

Peace be with you my brothers and sisters. Peace and Love be with you forever.

amen
doulos

                                                                         2011/07/22

                                                                            Miracle


It is happening again and this time it is a torrant not a tricle. "Open the gates of heaven, let it rain'.. the lyrics of a song I love.

Many years ago I started a company after I had a vision. I showed my wife the coin, see homepage of my blog, and she sharply pulled in her breath. She could not believe what she saw after I showed her another picture of a seed.

You see we are busy with a project and I have been praying a lot. Then it started happening Monica started meeting high calibre people in important posts From South Africa,Mexico, India and Chile.

People we desperately need to make our project a success. Captains of Industry, Senior managers of banks, Goverment officials. Closer to home her own family came forth. Each and every one of them an important cog in our plans.

God moves in misterious ways. When he has decided it is done and they will come. Like birds they will come, they will flock around us until God has fulfiled His plan with us. They will come from all over the globe. They will not know why, they will not understand why they share their valuable time with this young woman.

Watch this space and you will see. I shall praise and worship my Lord and King. I shall glorify His name and I shall say, "I told you so."

Peace be with you my brothers and sisters,peace and love be with you forever.
doulos


                                                                  2011/07/27

                                                                  Just Say It
How many times were you sorry that you spoke too quickly and said something you regreted later? Well I have often. I then had to go to the offended party and apologise, with varying results. unfortunately words can sometimes be a killer. A desperate person may just need one word to push them over the edge.

Therefore I try to choose my words more caefully and do not delay to apologise if it offended. Inent has nothing to do with it,it is the outcome or effect that does the damage.

Likewise, how often have you omitted to say something, that you were meaning to say for a long time. When you stand next to an open graveit is too late to say, I love you. Go ahead and say it, Just Say IT and you will save yourself a lot of regret and heartache.

The mouth is a vicious tool of destruction or it can be a tool of healing,love and empathy. What your heart is full of, the mouth will involantary despatch into the ether.

Say what you mean and mean what you say. Be ever vigilant of the effect of your words it portrays the state of your inner being.

Peace be with you my brothers and sisters. peace and love be with you forever.
doulos


                                                                   2011/07/29

                                                                     God's Grace

Disaster strikes without warning and it effects you whether, you are a "Good" person or a "Bad"person. Whether you are "Relegious" or an "Atheist"

I woke up this morning to find that my Office at home nearly burned down last night. It is a miracle it dit not. Two curtains next to each other. One burnt to ashes, the adjacent one untouched. The ceiling blackened only in ONE corner also did not burn. It is Only God's Grace that prevented the whole building going up in flame, including my car theat was parked right in front of it.

I  Shall sing Gods's praises because he protects me. Just last night I prayed to God to protect me from Evil as it is surrounding us and is  ever present. Two days ago house in our street burnt down with tremendous losses.

My wife's words to our daughter, for leaving on a curling tong unattended. "That is the way homes burn down." before we went to bed still ringing in my ears. we go to bed and sleep thinking everything is ok everything is locked and secured and then it happens.

be ever vigilant my friends , be ever vigilant and Pray. If I did not I surely would have lamented my losses this morning.

Peace be with you my brothers and sisters. peace and love be with you forever.
doulos

                                                                   2011/08/05

                                                                           Falling down

How many times have I fallen down. I stopped counting long ago. Every time I stood up,dusted myself off and carried on.

For months I battled to get a way to communicate effectively. I was so happy when my wife came to my rescue. First I inherited her old cellphone and then she bought her old laptop from work. On top of it, it became a work requirement for her to have Adsl at home.

Suddenly my hearing and communication problems were something of the past. I Could COMMUNICATE ! . What a blessing, I was so gratefull and I started making work of it. That is how this blog came about.

Last Saturday we were at a birthday party at one of Monica"s Sisters home. On arrival back home we walked into chaos. Burglars entered our home in our absence. They broke through a security gate and three doors to get entry. They ripped our safe out of the wall and broke it open.

In the end our losses were minimal. They took what they came for and nothing more. Three laptops, a dvd drive and my cellphone. Unfortunately we did not have insurance on my laptop and cellphone and our daughter Krissmonne's laptop. They are gone forever.

Her laptop was immediately replaced by her employer. That is why I can write this.For sixteen years we lived here without a single burglary. there were incidents of attemted vehicle theft and it dawned on me. This was an inside job, someone at the party knew there were no one at home. our Domestic was with us.

They also knew the layout of our house and went straight for our safe. We  only keep documents in our safe nothing else.That is what hurts the most. Someone hates us enough to want to hurt us. This was not a spur of the moment effort. it was planned.

In my life I have given away three fully functioning computers with printers. One to a black Pastor, another to a Coloured Pastor and another to a black colleague that worked at a place where I was temporarily employed. At the Party I was also accused of being a racist. I was accused of pretending to like black people. Yet my Domestic calls me Father out of respect.

My Blog tells about my life. Not to Glorify Francois Olwagen but to get a message across.

I hate no one and although I am feeling down and depressed, the first thing I did was pray. Thanking God that we where not injured. Posessions can be replaced, lives not. I also prayed for those I suspect of targeting us. This was the third incident and the Modus Operandi exactly the same in each case.

This person thinks they are invincible and every one else  are stupid. They phone their friends to do the dirty work feeding them with first hand information. They hate their life because they are suffering. They are suffering because of their lifestyle that includes drugs and criminality.

I pity them and will pray to a loving God to change their circumstances. I know my God and He knows me. I thank and praise Him for protecting my family and I. It is not God that failed me. It is an individual who made a choice that attacked my family in this manner. The Devil did not do it either. It are those who prefers His company that do evil out of their own free will.

Peace be with you my brothers and my sisters, Peace and love be with you forever.
doulos

                                                                       The Devil

I spent a lot of time in court as a journalist. More often than not the accused is either "innocent" or they do not take responsibility for their actions. It was never their fault, they were either mentally incpacitated or under the influence of narcotics or alcohol.

More often than not the excuse is simply. "The Devil made me do it." Now for the Devil to influence you that much you must surely have an intimate relationship with him or at least revere him to listen to his ill begotten advice.

The problem with the Devil is, that he was created an Angel. He could come into the precense of God without being harmed,something that would cost a human being their life. Jude in the Bible is a short book but worth a read. In it is the story of the body of Moses and  Lucifer and the archangel Michael (Jude 9) fought over the body , Michael merely rebuked Lucifer. The warning to us human beings being that we should not slander celestial beings.

God gave man the freedom of choice and speech. We can either accept Him or not. we can even slander Him. The only entity we cannot slander is The Holy Spirit as that is a sin that cannot be forgiven. Likewise we can choose the Devil or not and we can even slander Him.

Problem being that both God and the Devil are celestial beings and are able to pulverise us in an instant. Because God is Almighty and the Devil is Mighty the Devil was ejected from Heaven when he rebelled against God's authority.

Jesus was tempted by the Devil in the Desert. The Son of God,capable of anhialatiting the Devil simply rebuked him. Who are we, humans then to think we can challenge either.

When the Devil and his minnions attack me I simply rely on the name of Jesus. In that way I am under the protection of His blood. Yes I have power in the name of Jesus but I rely so totally on Him that I do not need to rely on my human frailty at all.

Life is a choice between good and evil it is that simple. it is therefore extremely dangerous to dabble with Evil in any form. it can cost you your soul and then you are doomed for ever.

Unfortunately there are also those who commit atrocities in the name of Jesus. I respect people of other faiths and religious beliefs and I dare not blaspheme their Gods or lack of them for the very same reason.

Be careful my brothers and sisters. If you know the Truth protect yourself. Sancntify yourself and leave the realm of celestial beings for those who belong there.

Peace be with you my brothers and my sisters, Peace and love be with you forever.
doulos



                                                            28/08/2011
                                                             9H20 AM


                                                               Fear


How do you conquer the number one enemy of mankind. That thing that holds you back, that turns you into jelly,that freezes you,that causes excruciating pain and finally that could very well kill you.


I have not been writing for quite a while. For one thing I could not with my laptop being stolen. I was cut off once more from the "outside" world. I was once more a prisoner of my disability. Not being able to hear properly makes me realise what a deaf person is going through and I thank God that I am only partly hearing impaired.


My cellphone was also stolen. that meant no e-mails coming through. Not being contactable, having to wait untill my wife gets home to "steal" a precious few minutes on her laptop. 


We started a new business working from home and the burglary could not have happened at a worst time. I have a mountain of work that needs to be done and I could not. I felt useless having to depend on Monica to communicate for me.


The fear of failure became my companion. the fear of rejection I know well as an old "frienamy". The fear of my family being hurt if the robbers return.


I have a friend, a old school friend that came back into my life and with him came healing. healing from my fears. Someone with a big heart and who is not afraid to speak out. Someone that seems to understand and although, as a accomplished businessman being extremely busy, makes time for an old friend. He is the reason I am typing and I am eternally grateful. Both for the gift but for the manner it was given.


Fear again raise its ugly head. What if I am asking too much?. What if I cannot return the the generosity showered on me.? What if I  loose a true friend.?


My wife and I am both nervous. This new business must not only work but flourish. We have exhausted our finances to plough into it. we have spent countless hours researching and negotiating and planning.
We seeked advice and met with people we believe could assist us in our quest.


And then comes fear and my wife, like a scared little puppy tries to "growl and bark" her way out of the corner she thinks, she finds herself in. I realise it is time to be assertive, take over the reigns and grab the bull by the horns to make this work.


Only I fear failure, fear failing my life partner and my lifelong friend. Fear that they will not click or understand each other like I understand both.


Then I pray and go to my friend my Heavenly Father and He soothes me and protects me and reminds me of the power I have through Him. Then I get up, dust myself off. Walk over to my old "frienamy" fear and trample it to the ground. I am the child of the King of Kings and I will win this battle and the war.


Thank you Monica, thank you Charl and Daleen you are a reminder of what life is all about.


Peace be with you my brothers and my sisters, Peace and love be with you forever.
doulos

                                                04.34 2012/06/05

                                                 The Faith of Frans

 The Moon is full in the cold wintry Sky and I am up writing, Why? Why did I leave our warm bed and came out to the cold Intaka Office to write?. I was in High Care just a few hours ago and here I am sitting in the cold writing Why?

Let us go back to Saturday Morning it was about the same time, maybe an half an hour later and I was lying flat on my back on the dead grass,(at Bedfordview Primary School) bewildered, in pain, fearful and ashamed.

Little did I know "That my heart attacked me". It was racing at 250 -360 beats a minute vibrating like a a racing engine out of control the Revs going sky high, threatening to cease... I lay there helpless praying, "Not now my Father please not now this is not a Good day to die, not in front of my children Please.

Is there ever a Good day to Die? I dout it life is precious and here I am lying trying to make sense out of it all. I was about to hit a tent pin with a mullet when I felt that I am passing out preparing to topple over onto my face and the next moment I was hit in the chest by "A lightning bolt, it "kicked me so hard" i fell straight back UUGH! as wind was forced out of my body straight back onto my back. When I came to I heard people laughing, it must be numerous to see a fat guy bending over and the next moment he is thrown back UUGH!


It was my "Pacemaker" that did it's job probably saving my Life, kicking my faltering vibrating heart back into Life, doef,doef it started pumping again and I came to, slowly raising myself to my feet, still feeling dizzy,scared and bewildered.

I carried on putting up the Pagoda at Krismonne,s school Fun Day. It was the Intaka Stall and three brave young women pitched in helping a pale scarred old man to do the Job. Iman 20. an UJ Student and my right habd at Intaka, Krissmonne 11, my Laatlam lovechild and Shaunette 4 holding onto a tent pole for dear ; life helping her "Oupa". Three shades of human complexity uniting, doing what needs to be done without instruction to help me.

I got through the day somehow. The next day I just could not handle the pain and fear anymore and succumbed. "Take me to Hospital, I am in trouble and do it quickly, I Knew if I passed out Monica and the children would not be able to cope with my body.

What has this to do with Faith," You may ask.?" Well I am alive Am I not, Alive and writing.", great-full for another chance by the Grace of the Almighty God. He  saved me again granting me more time and I firmly believe it is only because He knows me. I talk to Him(pray), every day. He is familiar with my voice and H knows me like I know Him, that was why He answered me., and indeed 2 June 2012 was not a Good Day to Die, because He decided to grant me more Time.

Thank you my Father, again, Thank you from the bottom of my broken heart. Thank you for your Majesty and Awesome Power, thank you for your endless love and thank you for granting me faith so that I can "Walk in the Valley of Death." and survive to see the Sun rise another day.

                                            Thank you from your slave Doulos

2012/08/05

Monica cannot forget that day, the day she nearly drowned. They were walking to school, like any other day., and decided to take a shortcut through the river bed, normally dry.

unbeknownst to them there was a huge storm higher up in the Ballela Mountains and a torrent of water was rushing towards the town. They got caught midstream and if it as not for her Twin sister, much more robust and stronger than her, who held on to a rock and on to her slighter sister at the same time, they would have both drowned as neither could swim.

Her fear of water stayed with her for life. She had a late child and built a swimming pool for that child, but she could not force herself into the water to teach the child to swim. She paid for swimming lessons instead

Until the Olympics of 2012, when she ordered me to clean the pool although it was still cold, much too cold to swim. Monica will turn 50 next year and before that day she will swim, "soos n vissie of n parratjie, sommer so, nes haar helde op telivisie."

They were a family of ten children, eight girls and two boys, growing up in the KZN Midlands. They were a loving family in an unloving community. A Community that did not want "black" people living in their "white" town.

Their Father fought fiercely until the Municipality allowed him to build a two room house in the "white" part of town. The local doctor, a White man, convinced or rather threatened the Mayor that so many children could not live in such a small house, as disease would certainly claim a life in such confined space.

The Mayor relented and their Father built a proper house. Though the toilet was still outside, they used a bucket system, they had running water and electricity.

Then their Farther died and hardship began. Their mother struggled on and raised ten children who, all own their own homes today. They built their mother a brand new  spacious home according to a their fathers design on the same property.

Man’s last Frontier

What has been will be again,

what has been done will be done again;

there is nothing new under the sun. Ecclesiastes 1:9

So we landed on Mars and the

Whole world is ecstatic over this great

Achievement.

I am not. We landed on the Moon

And years later all that we achieved was

Leaving our footprints and debris.

We still cannot efficiently desalinise

Saltwater. Without water man will perish.

Then we get exited there are

 signs of water on other planets.

We still cannot cure the common cold, cancer, Aids 

And other viral diseases. But we

Spend trillions on exploring

Outer space.

We are looking for other life forms

In the Universe and we pollute it, 

Like we did when we discovered other

Continents.

We are willing to contaminate those life forms

With disease, just like we did

The local people, of the

Continents we discovered.

When the sons of God came in unto the daughters

 of men [had sexual relations with them],

 that they bare CHILDREN to them, the same became

 MIGHTY MEN which were of old, 

men of renown" (Gen.6:1-4).

Those Men are gone now and Angels

Can no longer procreate and are invisible

To humans lest we start worshipping them.

Have you seen a Giant lately ?

My Theory is, yes there is

Life out there and no

We shall not find it. They came

To Earth with disastrous consequences

And can do so no more, at least

Not in human visible form.

We build a massive atom

Collider, just to discover

Something we cannot see

And we call it the God particle.

We kill and maim, rape and pillage

We are intolerant of each other.

We destroy everything we

Touch out of greed.

We lust after power

And wealth.

I try to find God, who

I cannot see and  I

Believe He is the Creator.

I try to find God,

Try to understand Him.

Try to follow His advice.

Try to love my God, my

Neighbour and myself.

That to me is man’s

Last frontier.

Doulos 2012/08/10

2012/08/21

LET THEM GRIEVE THEIR DEAD.

They are Fathers, Grand Fathers, Brothers, Uncles, and Sons.

They are also breadwinners responsible for many mouths to feed. Their responsibility towards their loved ones spans wide. Without their hard earned Salaries many will suffer.

One of things that irritated me endlessly when I “crossed the Colour line”, was  the “Excessive” funerals and the huge amounts of money that was spent on grieving and burying the dead

Unstill one fateful day when the Elders honoured me by joining them in administering the last rites to a young man, I barely knew. It shocked me being taken to a Mortuary. It shocked me to being asked to wash and care for His body. Then I realised , what an honour was bestowed on me. The Love that was shown to that cadaver cannot be adequately explained. They were tender and careful as if He was still alive. Each one treating Him, like He was their  own Son.

Then only did I realise why it was necessary for the elaborate funerals. These people lived far apart and deeply cared about each family member. They all contributed to give a loved one a respectful burial. No one cared about the money. They travelled very far to attend and be part of the mourning process. To show their love and commitment to the aggrieved family.

The women were busy preparing food and baking cakes for the daily Church service, that was held every day for a week. They served tea to all visitors. They also prepared to feed everyone every day , as many people came from afar and was sleeping over wherever they could find space.

The men were busy organising the Funeral and slaughtering livestock. Not all black people slaughter for the Forefathers. The family I joined are Christian and only slaughter to feed all the mourners.

Some people only arrive on the day of the Funeral and depart shortly after. The ones that live far normally come for a few days or even for the entire week.

I plead with , my White Compatriots, please do not judge what you do not understand.

Forget the politics and what is deemed fair or unfair. Marikana is a Human Tradegy.

2012/08/28

Ons Drome

Nigal Circa 1976 nagenoeg

Ek ry met my fiets, n resiesfiets, so witte. My saalperd en my trots. Ek is oppad na my boesemvriend, 'Chappie". Ek kry hom besig om te werk, aan n "halfklaar" rooi Alfa Spider. Hy timmer en sweet. Sukkel om geroeste moere los te moer.

Primrose Circa 2012 ek werk in my halfklaar kantoor op n rekenaar, wat n ou vriend my geskenk het, toe al ons rekenaars geroof is, in n huisbraak. Ek kry n kiekie op die internet. "Chappie" by sy Porche en ek dink dadelik aan daardie dag. Die gesweet en geswets om die droomkar reg te maak.

Die een blink en is n geskenk van sy geliefdes. Hy blink en werk en hy "start" net met "Chappie" se vingerafdruk. Grand verby. "The Eagle has landed".

Ek is ook bly en al die drome van Gister oorvloed my gemoed. Ek onthou Nigel en ek onthou my vriende , veral vir Vhappie en sy familie.

Goeie dinge gebeur met goeie mense. Die Here se tyd is nie ons tyd nie. Al vat dit 52 jaar, het  hy nie n kind, sy kind, se droom vergeet nie.

geniet hom my vriend , jy verdien dit.

2012/09/08

Honour your Parents

I write this with trepidation in my heart. This is a subject that haunted me all my life, for various reasons. I shall never forget my mother on the floor of the toilet after having a gall attack. I was just a little boy and it the image was edged in my mid forever.

I shall never forget having to go and "Free" my mother after she was dumped in an asylum. The scared frail woman ambling along aimlessly because she was rejected by her loved ones, will stay with me forever.

Now I face a new dilemma. My Mother is no more. Thankfully God released her from the Hell of Alzheimer's. I believe she is now in a better place.

I have a Mother In Law though, who I equally respect and love. She is 79 and lives alone in a house, her children built her in Utrecht KZN.

Lately I was disturbed to read about two incidence of violence against the aged. Two men aged 27 and 28 raped their grandmothers and the one was killed as well. Both woman looked after these

people ,when their parents could not.

I goes beyond me to even imagine why a healthy male, in the flair of his life, wants to brutalize his own Grandmother in such a barbaric and callous fashion.

Then I get a call from Utrecht. It is mother in law and she has been threatened by  her 28 year old grandson, our child.

A Boy I raised as my own. He always received the best we could give. He attended Potch Boys High for his entire High School Career and then had was privileged to go and study.

He however chose drugs as "His Religion" and now thinks he is a Rastafarian. He refuses to work, refuses to stop using drugs and now He is threatening the only one, that is still prepared to give Him a roof over His head.

He also threatened His mother. I dealt with the situation as best I could and had to hold back lest I gave him the hiding of his life, he so richly deserves. I was frustrated by the authorities, who will not act unless the Frail old woman, lays a charge. She is too scared to.!

He is one of those who thinks life owes him something. "The Entitled youth of modern South Africa."

He was never underprivileged but because his peers were, he now feels it is his right to receive everything for free.

I pray to God for an answer, for an outcome, that only His infinite wisdom can provide. In the meantime we are going the route of protection orders et all, that is so glaringly ineffective. My heart bleeds and i scream WHY !.

2012/09/16

WHO ART THOU ?

I am not a philosopher, not by a long shot.

I am just Doulos, the Slave. Yet I also contemplate

What some call “The Truth.” I have heard and read

Far and wide and I have experienced and endured

So called “Life skills training”. I had myself analysed

and “dissected” my “Personality.”

Through all of this I always wonder, “Who is God.?”

I believed I first had to find out, “Who or

What am I.?”

Then I realised something. The one thing that is absolute,

Is that I am. I exist and have a consciousness.

I have studied and read about many religions and have

Even ventured into the forbidden “other side”,

The realm of the “unseen”.

I have listened to the debates of atheists and

Read about those who believe “Lucifer”

Is their God.

Then I realised, it is between me and

The Universe. Only I can answer for Me.

All the Wisdom and Theory about “The Truth”

Does not concern Me.

I am and that is sufficient.

I believe in God, the only God

I have known since my birth. The God

Of my father and his father.

I call Him Elohim and I “talk”

To Him on a daily basis.

I know  that this bears fruit. I know

That I get “answers” and that the

“Impossible” becomes reality and

That miracles really happen.

This brings me peace and

I feel comfortable in my

Skin.

I also, that “He” is a God and

Not a Human. He has no

Body and is Forever. In the

Beginning was the Word etc.

He is everything and

Part of everything and

He controls everything.

He has the knowledge

Of Good and Evil,

That evades us Humans

Since Adam and Eve.

He is surrounded by billions

Of Angels and the

Souls of the Saints.

That is the reason my friend

“The Atheist” that enables Him

To listen to nearly seven billion

People 24/7.

Peace an love be with you

My brother and my sister.

Peace and love

Be with you forever.

Hope

2012/10/04

I want to tell you a story, a true story that has a happy ending.

There is this 9 year old boy in Rural KZN, he is an orphan, both his parents died from

HIV complications and he is also HIV positive.

This little boy was at stage 4 of the same ailment and

was bedridden. On top of it he had angry boils on his neck.

We happened to hear about him from a Teacher that was concerned and wanted to help.

We sent the Teacher Moringa Powder and asked him to try it. He did but the

child was so sick he could barely eat. The Teacher asked for help to buy yogurt

to try and see if the child could keep it in.

We were called two days ago by the same Teacher. The child is laughing

and playing and he is hoping he can go to school again soon.

That is why we do what we do. Nothing can cure Aids and

we do not  pretend that it can be cured by Moringa. We also do not

want to stigmatize the product lest people avoid using it because

of it.

However Moringa brings results as it did in this case. That is the reason why we do what we do.

It helps people and allows us to reach out to our fellow man. All praise

be to God who created this plant to heal the nations.

Doulos

2012/10/05

Living Word

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

How often do I wonder about this bible verse.?  How often do I Imagine how

It was in the beginning.? I read a lot and I read far and wide on a multitude

Of subjects. The Internet is a Pandora’s box of information.

What we do with it and how we interpret it is solely up to us. So Pandora may

Bring all the worlds wrongs and depending on us may also hold all the worlds hope.

There is one other source of information that holds true the story of Pandora ’s Box. I know I am venturing into dangerous territory and shall do so cautiously.

That source of information is our Bible. A Book read by billions through the ages. A book responsible for wars and peace. A book that was and still is abused for a litany of causes, good and bad, a dangerous book in the wrong hands.

South Africa’s history is a good example. The same book was used to justify apartheid from many a pulpit in our beautiful country. Today it also used to justify Democracy.  It encourages vigorous debate and after thousands of years people still do not agree on some fundamental issues.

Can a woman lead a church.? One would have thought that this  issue was done and dusted. Yet there is still vigorous debate about what the Bible says.

It is not only the Bible that causes man to question these issues. Other Holy books have the same effect. They are truly the Living Word. They are meditated upon and debated. They bring hope to many and despair to many more.

No other book has this effect. Most books are read and forgotten as soon as they are put down. Even scholars dump their books when the feel that they have mastered the subject they are studying. They then attempt to write their own books to refute the masters that taught them.

It is not the words on a page of paper that causes this phenomenon. It is the human interaction with the words that causes a reaction. The words become thoughts, prayers and meditation. They enter the realm of the unknown and starts mingling with forces out of human reach.

Often a deeper understanding and a deeper involvement is the result. A light bulb moment ensues and miracles occur. The knowledge that ensues is not written verbatim on paper. It appears in our conscious and unconscious minds and we instinctively recognize the Truth.

Some call it Unction or whatever describes the indescribable best. The one thing that is certain is that it instantly binds groups of people who react as if in a trance and are swept along on a common cause if but for a moment. Elation, a feeling of peace and love and in some cases even hysteria.

A Holy Book

Read it with care it is The Word.

doulos

20`12/10/13

5 Things

I always pray for 4 things. A grain of Wisdom from my Heavenly Father.

A grain of Insight from the Holy Spirit. A grain of love from Jesus. A grain of faith.

The fifth thing is the fact that I am praying. That implicates that I am a believer. I believe in something I cannot see. I believe in something that happened thousands of years ago. Those who saw it, or was part of it is long departed and cannot be contacted to verify it.

Well there are some who say that they can do it. I mean contact the departed but

I have never met one that could convince me that they are the real deal. So I believe in a God that I cannot see and I talk to Him on a daily basis. Sounds crazy when I simplify Religion like this, does it not?. Yes and I may even be crazy, I do not mind to cross the thin line every now and again.

Then Scientists tell me they create Stars using nuclear fusion. Indeed they do it but their stars are miniscule and they want us to believe that one day they will create one big enough to provide

Endless  energy to Earth. That or they will fry the whole place to a crisp because they do not know how to contain this awesome energy. The Frenchies are colliding atoms in trying to create something they cannot see. They built this massive collider 27 km long to do that. They call the stuff dark matter and it only exists for a second and disappears.

Them they call me crazy ?. They tell me my God does not exist and yet their every effort in life is trying to recreate what He did. In Fact I think they are trying to become Him because they stand in wonder of His creation and they realise how infinitely insignificant they are in His presence.

So me asking Him for a grain of His wisdom may not be so crazy after all. I do not spend billions like the scientists, I only Ask Him and believe He will keep to His word and give me what I ask. What is this wisdom anyway. Well if you read all the books on Earth and study some of them you might form an idea.

When I try to make a wise decision I first meditate and then I pray about it. I also consult widely and read everything about it that I can lay my eyes on. I doubt a lot, I fear a lot and eventually I make my decision and then I wait for the outcome to see it was a wise decision or not. Mostly it is not and I rue my decision. Sometimes I do not use this elaborate sequence of events. I simply pray about it, sleep on it and follow my gut feeling and lo and behold it turns out to be a wise decision.

I realised long ago when I take “me” out of the process He takes over and gives me exactly what I asked for.

Now for this Insight thing. We all would like to know more, and it would be wonderful if we knew what tomorrow holds, Be clairvoyant or prophetic or whatever they called knowledge of the future.

It is well known that there are prophets on Earth. They even predicted the end of Earth three times this year alone. In every newspaper and magazine “we can read the Stars.” It will tell us what tomorrow holds for us according to the Milky Way or something like that. I can make any statement.

“you feel confident, go with your feelings.” Someone somewhere will read it and identify with it and believe my “prediction.” It is not because I am clairvoyant or prophetic it is simply because there are nearly seven billion of us, and no matter what we “predict”, it will  ring true to someone.

Now sometimes my tongue runs away with me and I say something so absurd, that even I am astounded by my reckless statement. I sat in the bath one day and phoned my wife and told her to do something. She sent me a text immediately telling me I am crazy and that she will not do it.

Well the next day she sent me an e-mail. “Frans jy toor.” ( you are using magic).

“You will not believe me what happened, she continues.” Well  She summed up the courage and did what I told her to do and ,”Lo and behold.” It had exactly the effect that we desired.

This happens often. I cannot explain it. It is one of those things that make some people fear me. I have no control over it. I cannot summon it at will. It just happens and I am grateful for it. It guides me when I am most uncertain and feel at my most insecure an vulnerable.

So I realised to trust “It” and not “me”. And things turns out the way I asked them to turn out.

This thing called “Love” mostly evades me. Physical Love seemed like a long lost memory in my Life. I often feel lonely and sometimes eve desperate. Then one day somebody knocks on the door and asks for help and I help. Someone else tells me about a situation and I react. Sometimes I just give someone something without thinking and things start happening.

Because of it a nine year old boy was on the brink of death now laughs and plays. People we do not know come to us for advice. Children that are no relation of me hugs me and calls me Oupa. A Little girl pronounced us her grandparents and visits regularly.

At these moments I feel well. I feel worthy and I feel confidant. Yes I feel loved.

So I realised Love is a feeling that needs. It only happens when I give. When I dish it out it returns.

So when I hear the thunder. “My Father’s voice.” There is  a feeling of contentment in me. I feel secure and loved. I realise that the Almighty Loves me and I am grateful because I do not need more than that.

Now this thing called faith. When last did you see a man commanding a mountain and it got up and jumped in the sea.?. Well I have never seen that and I cannot believe that anyone on Earth can truthfully said that they did.

When last did you see a miracle.? Well not long ago I went and prayed for a terminally ill woman. Not long after that she died. There is another lady with advanced cancer and I am praying for her

And the doctor’s say there is no hope. I read about devout Christians being killed by “Occultist’s” in the most horrific manner and I ask my God, Why.?

I hear about a lot of things that makes me wonder why God allowed it to happen. The one question I cannot find a conclusive answer for is.. “Why do bad things happen to good people.?

So many people lose Faith when these things happen. Some turn their backs on religion and proclaims, “There is no God.”

I was desperately ill in hospital, one of several times. I was in ICU for eleven days and for eleven days I did not eat. I only suffered and prayed the whole time. Nobody visited me, my wife was away, her brother died and she went to His funeral. I was desperate and on top of it stone deaf. I remember crying out to God, when I realised I may never hear my little daughter saying “Daddy” I love you

The Sunday before this I spent a night in a cell at the local Police Station. Unfairly so I believed but my Wife was heartbroken and did not want her, obnoxious, callous drunk husband embarrass her at her brothers funeral.

While I was in ICU I got fired from a temporary job, I desperately needed. They informed met on a piece of paper that my position was critical to the company and that I was replaced.

Well I am here writing 4 Things or rather Five, am I not. I can hear although not completely. I am healthy but not wholly. I survive but only just.

Then I realize how “fortunate” I am and my Soul soars.

doulos

 2012/10/21

Am I my brother’s Keeper?

I write this with a heavy heart. Things are happening that affects my family and I am fiercely protective of them. I cannot for the life of me understand racial intolerance, specially not towards people you know and love.

A black baby boy was adopted by white people who raised him as their own after his Father killed his domestic mother with a knife. He grew up to e a man and married the love of his Life, my daughter.

I shall never forget Him phoning to ask permission to see her. He came by taxi and although I could see he is feeling awkward he bravely en respectfully asked for the hand of our daughter. I agreed on one condition, that she would finish her studies before they even think about marriage or children.

They were seeing each other since Matric and my daughter was in her first year at Varsity studying to become a Chartered Accountant. He kept His promise and seven years later they were married.

They are now expecting their first child. They are professional, well balanced and financially self-sufficient. Yesterday they proudly showed us, their daughter to bee’s  the room in their house they prepared for her.

It is beautiful, decorated very tastefully and stylishly. It speaks of love and care and abundance. This little girl is going to be born to parents that cherish her and are capable to nourish her and care for her.

My Laatlam’s comment was. “Daddy I am jealous of Abigail, her room is so beautiful.”

I am desperately sad that this loving successful young couple is victimized and terrorized by those who are supposed to love and care for them.

They were treated like they are not welcome any longer even though they loved my Ex-wife her Husband and daughters. They shared holidays together and eventually went into business together.

This bundle of joy that will be born soon is their Grandchild also.  Their hidden racism is surfacing furiously and the veneer of their masks is chipping away revealing the horrible truth underneath.

Their betrayal is callous, malicious and vindictive. At my children’s wedding I advised them on the journey in life they will be taking together. I told them, “You and you alone will choose your travel companions on this journey be it friends or family.”

 Their Naivety was rewarded with the harsh stark reality, that all they experienced for more than ten years in that house were lies and pretense.

My wife and I tried to console them. We have walked that road and know the truth. We know from experience that racism is alive and well in South Africa. The Trust issues must be a rude awaking for them, but we promised them our undying love and support, without prejudice. We mean that from the bottom of our hearts.

Doulos

Ho Theos  Agape Estim (God is Love)

Our Faith

I just have to write this and know that a lot of

People will disagree and even blame me of all

Sorts of “Heresy”

I have been wondering a lot about my Christian faith

Lately and what it means to me.

I can say unequivocally I am a Born again Christian

And shall remain one.

An incident recently gave me a lot of food

For thought.

I was looking up a Ds that knew my Father 52

Years ago and studied with him. After all those years

He still Disagrees with my Father over

Baptism.

I wanted to hear about my Father as

A man and husband not as a Cleric

And what he believed or did not believe.

He died when I was barely 2 and

I can’t remember him at all.

Apartheid lasted as long as it did because of

This type of attitude of “I understand the Bible better”

And my “Dogma is the only true one”

Very little of these Holy men ever

Spoke out against the evils of Apartheid

And even justified from their pulpits.

The masses followed blindly as

These misguided Sheppard’s

Led them to the precipice.

They followed blindly because

Their Calvinistic upbringing led them

To believe that they must obey their elders and

Not question them. Further the

Shepard’s were untouchable

And “Knew better” as they

Were “ordained by God”

Let me tell you my brother and sister

I met many a Shepard, that

Belonged behind bars for the atrocities

They bestowed on their “sheep”

The problem lies with their training.

Most Churches use the same

Reference books and concordances.

I deeply respect the sages that

Wrote commentaries as

Henry Mathews, Barnes etc.

I did a simple test. I took a

Controversial bible verse and

Compared all the

Available commentary

on it.

Quite frankly I was confused

And more in the dark

Than I was before I did that.

They did not concur!

Today I read the newspapers

And still the churches cannot

And will not agree on

Fundamental issues like

Ordaining women.

After more than two

Centuries millions of scholars

En experts on Christian Literature

Cannot  concur. Will they ever?

My relationship with God

Is a personal one.

I believed he created

Adam and Eve and

That they walked in His

Presence naked in

The wonderful Garden of Eden.

Only when they sinned

Did they notice their nudity.

They were evicted,

We all know the story.

I believe every person

Longs to again walk in

The presence of our Creator.

I believe that Jewish and

Muslim believers have the

Same inherent desire.

In fact most “religions”

Will have a desire

To be united with the source

Of their existence.

Even Atheists will

Feel a pang of

Longing to go

Back to where they

Came from.

So how do I Douloss

Get closer to my

Creator, when

I am so disillusioned

With the Church.

Firstly I believe in

What I cannot see

And cannot know.

I try to stay connected

To my conscience.

I try to follow

The little voice

Deep inside me

And try to

Connect to the

Big voice that

Guides me.

I am

That is enough for me.

Peace be with you my brothers and sister, forever.

amen

Doulos.

Theos Agape

The knowledge of Good and Evil

How do I explain to my child why;

Adult men rapes innocent babies

Whole families die in an accident

Her friend is dying of an incurable disease

Thousands die of famine

A nine year old dies from aids related disease

And it goes on and on.

Try and find a definitive answer to, why does Evil exist in

 A God Created world, and you will find yourself in

A quack mire of  speculation and

Mindless theory both from Theologians and Atheists alike.

Never mind the Scientists and the Medical Profession

No One Knows my friend. Bring me one

That really knows and I shall become the richest

Man on Earth.

I shall simply tell her . “Baby sh*t happens.”

I shall comfort her and tell

Her a loving God will one day

End all misery, evil and disease.

I shall cover her in prayer 24/7.

I shall tell her that

Good men and women can

Change this world through their

Actions.

I shall tell her God will not

Forsake her even if she dies.

I shall tell her she

Shall live forever

And will reunite with

Her friends in a

Heavenly paradise.

I shall cry inside

And realize pain is

Part of life and makes

Us stronger.

I shall hug her and love her

And praise God for

Giving me such a precious “gift”.

Then like the Sparrow

I shall live the Life I was

Given fully and

Never look back.

Love Doulos

TIME

The Bible tells us that time is irrelevant to God.

One second to Him is like a million years to us etc.

My wife was phoning a business contact, in

Bed and I immediately started praying as I did not

Trust the person. I prayed God to protect

My business with “a ring of fire”.

I heard her say **** “what are

You smoking , what did you

Say.’ She told me after the

Conversation he said “I am looking

At the Mountain and there is

A ring of fire around it, it

Is beautiful  actually.”

In a split second my prayer

Was answered and confirmed.

I live In Johannesburg, he is in

Cape Town.

Yesterday I received a friend

Request from my daughter on FB.

Nothing funny about that,

Only that she ignored me for

Many years not answering

My calls, e-mails or sms’s.

Whatever her reasons were.

Whoever pumped her full

Of poison against me, simply

Does not matter now. I

Love her and her family unconditionally

An time and pain and agony

vanish with one click

Of a mouse.

I read about a young

Black entrepreneur that

Achieved his life goals

At a young age and is

 A self-made business man.

I only started my business

When I was 45 and failed

Numerous times  before

I succeeded at age 51.

My mother in Law will

 Be 80 this years this

Year. She still have goals

And ambition despite it.

Our Son is caught in

A web of drugs and

Bad friends. He is

Too young to give

Up and I pray every day

 That He will find his

Way in life and reach

His goals.

So time does not

Bother me any more.

I realise that my soul

Will carry on living forever.

Yes I still have time

If it is not me

It will be my descendants

That will achieve my goals.

 Love and peace be with

 you my brothers and sisters

forever.

Amen

Doulos

Diet

So you weigh 30 kg more than you should.

You visit a dietician and they empty your

Wallet quicker than you can empty your gut.

To me the equation is simple, “if your

Output exceeds your input by far, you

Are in fact loosing those extra kilos.

Stuffing your face with exotic fruits and herbal

Teas might help. It will not help

Your bank balance and then you are

Back to square one, stuffing

Your face with comfort food.

Youth

Unless the vagina was not

Any part of your being on earth and

You arrived on Terra Firma from some

Remote planet in your adult form,

You were definitely young

A long- long time ago.

The “youth” merely mirrors

Our thoughts, actions and beliefs

Silencing them and dispelling

Their “truth’s” is admitting

That we failed being

Role models.

Without them there

Is no future. If we do

Not nourish, love and guide them.

Our future is a bleak one indeed.

Wake up South Africa, we

Are not only sitting on

A time bomb, we are

Also hammering on it

With blunt instruments.

A few “Good Men” is

All it takes to turn

The runaway train,

That is our Society, around.

We need to act now,

Take responsibility now,

Lead with integrity now.

Sekanjalo

 Love and peacebe with you

My brothers and sisters.

Forever

Amen

Miracle

I have a problem with some

“well intentioned Scientists”,

Who try to “explain” Bible

Stories with Scientific theory

And conjecture.

The flood, the plagues

In Egypt, Daniel and his

Friends in the fire etc.

They mean well but

Miss the point altogether.

They imply that Miracles

Have a logical explanation.

They infer that, the

Laws of Nature is

Responsible for Miracles.

 Now these learned folks

Must explain to me

How God could pause time.

They must explain to

Me the accompanying

Photograph.

They cannot and they

Know it.

There are things that

Simply cannot be explained,

By using logic, science or

Reason.

We simply call them

Miracles.

The Almighty can do

The Impossible and do

 It frequently .

He created Nature’s Laws,

He can amend them

And manipulate them

At His leisure. 

It is simple an it

Is the Truth.

 Love and peace be

With you

My brothers and sisters

Forever.

Amen

Doulos.

Small steps

I have learnt a very valuable lesson

In life albeit at and advanced age.

Our dreams and aspirations are

Possible but we need patience

And perseverance.

It is another way of describing

Our Faith.

 God promises us

“The desires of our hearts”,

If we find our joy in HIM.

I have gone through a

Torrid time the

Last couple of months.

Many times I felt

Tired and scared.

Many times I was

Disappointed by setbacks

And disappointments.

I simply marched on

Keeping my faith alive.

Taking small steps when

The going got tough.

When the road seemed

To steep and my

Body and soul laboured.

Then I saw a rainbow

Above our home.

I was reminded of the

Promise after the

Devastating biblical flood.

I realised people in Limpopo,

Botswana and Mozambique,

Must be praying for

The rain to stop.

Here I am singing,

“Open the flood gates,

Of heaven let it rain.

I realise we live

Only one life and

We are privileged

That the Almighty sees

OUR plight when there

Are thousands in

A worse situation.

I Thank and praise God

For His Majesty,

For his Love and Grace.

For his Forgiveness.

For being the same

From forever to

Forever.

Never forgetting

Hi slave, Doulos.

Peace and love be with you

My brothers and sisters.

Forever

Amen.

Hurt

It hurts so bad and sometimes

I just feel like giving up.

Don`t Blame People for Disappointing you,

 but Blame yourself for

 expecting too much from them.

(with apologies to Eric for

Lifting this wisdom)

I try my best to make sense

Of this and other issues.

It tears me apart

That I am sometimes

So intense about life

And specially love.

 I can love

Without being loved,

Because God loved  me

When I was in

The gutter of life.

But it hurts

Especially when your

In-tensions are good.

And your words

Are used as swords

To wound you with.

When your kindness

 is rejected or

taken for

something sinister.

And used to tear bits

Of your soul apart.

I am used to it.

For many years i

Suffered from my

turmelous past.

I was rejected

By my child

Who believed

The half truths

She was fed about me.

Yet every day

I prayed for her

And never blamed

Her for it.

I was falsely accused

Of having a child

Out of wedlock.

Those who really know me

Will know I never abandon

My children.

For more than ten

Years I was denied

Love because of

This blatant lie.

Now that the truth

Is known.

There is no apology.

Instead the perpetrator

Is literally stuffed

Down my throat on

A daily basis.

For more than ten

Years I did know

The love of a

Partner.

Not a kiss, not a hug

Just angry words.

I never heard

My words echoed to

Me.

I love you!

I persevered

Because I know

I Live to love

Not to be loved.

That is the most

Difficult truth to

Understand.

Because it hurts.

It hurts so bad.

Then I think of

A man nailed

To a cross, who

Had empathy for His

Tormentors.

I feel like crying out

Why ?

I am not that

Strong Lord.

I am not a god Lord.

Just a man

But I understand

Or at least I try to.

I try to understand

How many I have hurt.

How many cried

Because of my actions

Or my words.

I ask forgiveness

To those I have

Hurt, intentionally

Or unintentionally.

Only God can

Stop time or

Turn it back.

We cannot and

We only become

“adults” once we

Realize that the

Only action we can take

Is to deal with it.

To deal with

Ourselves to take

Responsibility for

Our actions.

To grow up.

So yes it hurts

So bad I feel

Physical pain.

Then I take

The next small

Step forward, a midst

“the slinging arrows

Of outrageous conscience”

(apologies to The Bard)

I swallow the

Tears, reject the

Foolish pride,

And take life’s

Knocks in my stride.

Tomorrow the

Sun will shine.

That is certain.

Peace and Love be with you

My brothers and sisters

Forever

Amen.

Little big Bird

Just more than15 months ago

Intaka Ezimbili Moringa

Started trading.

Many things happened in the

Interim, most of them good.

Yes we had setbacks,

Yes there were anxious

Moments.

Yes I sometimes doubted

It will work.

I believe it works because

The motive behind

Starting the business was pure.

We wanted a business

That would benefit

Less fortunate people.

A business that would

Lessen the suffering

Of people suffering

From disease.

I was adamant that

I do not want to benefit

From other people’s suffering.

Then you ask, “Do you

Make a profit.?”

I answer in the affirmative

And you say. “you are

A hypocrite”

No my friend, I

Am making a living

For my family.

I am providing

Many people with business

Opportunity.

I am helping people

Suffering from disease.

A Hypocrite, I am not.

Elsewhere on the blog

You can read about me,

And the life I led.

I deliberately chose

A little bird as my logo.

I firmly believe little

Beginnings lead to

Bigger things and

Will eventually  grow

Into huge realities.

We are working mainly

“out of pocket” and

From loans.

It is tough going.

I do not pay myself

A salary.

Then why do I do it?.

It is simple I was

Touched by something

I read in the Bible.

Something very small

Yet infinitely big.

I quote

“Le 14:6 As for the living bird,

 he shall take it, and the cedar wood,

 and the scarlet, and the hyssop,

 and shall dip them and

 the living bird in the blood

 of the bird that was

 killed over the running water:”

What has that to do

With me and my business.?

Everything, it constitutes

My beliefs, my faith and

My conviction.

In days of old.

The dreaded disease Leprosy

Was the scourge of the time.

People with this disease

Were shunned, they

Lived outside of communities

They were feared.

The Untouchables.

Yet the Almighty provided

For them and made

Them part of the

blood covenant.

They could be

Cleansed by

The death of one Sparrow

And the release of another.

They could not afford

More.

They could not afford

Elaborate offerings

Sparrows were

Plentiful and

Were a cheap source

Of protein.

So yes I chose

This little bird to

Represent my Company

And what it stands for.

Peace be with you my

Brothers and my sisters.

Forever Amen.

Doulos

The Kingdom

I love Kwazulu Natal, ever

Since I met a “Zulu” girl and

Fell madly in love.

KZN is an enigma.

It has remained the same

For many hundreds of years.

Yes Durban is an

International City.

I am talking of the people,

The backbone of the

Province. The Zulu’s

Are a proud Nation

Of fierce worriers and

Brilliant “statesmen.”

They outwitted the “Boers”

And British Empire alike.

Until the “Boers” went

Into a Laager and called

On their God.

They still hold on

To their Traditions

And are the most stubborn

People once they have

Taken a stand on an issue.

One of the biggest churches

In South Africa thrive there.

They still believe like the

Israelites did  fundamentally

In the Old Testament.

Their rituals are ancient

And mixed wih traditional

Custom. Many people

Still drown when “baptised”

In rivers and dams and

Even the Ocean.

Take a look at the

Education situation in

KZN. Condoms for Primary

Schools, child pregnancies

And child marriages.

Try and change their

Culture and you will

Meet the descendants

Of the master strategist

And Brilliant Warlord

King Shaka.

They still believe

There is a Seroent

,That lost its jewel<

That angrily flies through

The air and destroys villages,

Whenever storms ravage

Their  province

.It is a Mystical place,

Steeped in tradition

And folklore.

People can still

Live off the land

Like their ancestors did.

It is a magical place

A plce where I fell

In love with a

 “Zulu Maiden”

My “African Queen”.

She will vehemently

Deny this.” I am a

Coluored that speaks

Zulu.”

Yes I know that

But it messes with

My dream.

Our Press knows

All of this and built

His “Kraal” at Nkandla.

(Just do not call it a compound)

Or ye shall face the wrath

Of King Shaka or maybe

The devious Dingaan.

I love the place and

It’s people. It stirs

The “African” buried

Deep in my Psyche.

Peace be with you

 my brothers and sisters.

Forever

Amen.

How great Thou art

O Lord my God,

When I in awesome wonder

Consider all

The world Thy Hand hath made,

I see the stars,

I hear the rolling thunder,

Thy pow'r throughout

The universe displayed;

How often do we pray and wonder.

“Did He hear me, will He answer?”

And how often have we begged

For a sign and received none.

I know I have and I know many

Others did too.

I am not talking about frivolous prayers

At soccer matches or sports events.

Nor selfish “prosperity” prayers

Some churches seem to advocate.

Nor the feverish ranting’s of

A man trying to invoke the

Holy Spirit, to no avail.

I am talking about Ernest prayer.

The type we pray when we know

God is the only solution.

I took me many years to notice

That my prayers are answered.

Before I was sensitised to the

Spiritual world.

When my relationship with God

Became real and I started loving

Him because He is Awesome.

I often thought I am too needy,

Always asking something, sometimes

Even pleading and begging with

A heavy soul.

Until I realised he is my Father.

My Heavenly father and

Because of that I knew instinctively

What to ask and when not to.

We are all sinners and He knows

It. Like a caring Father he guides us

Educates us and equip us with

The tools we need to succeed.

To fulfil our dreams

3Trust in the LORD and do good;

Dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

4Delight yourself in the LORD

And he will give you the desires of your heart.

He does not expect us to be perfect,

But simply to love Him.

On Wednesday night there was

A heavy storm and usually I prayed,

While literally holding onto His name,

I have carved out on my Headboard.

(see picture elsewhere on blog)

I always imagine it is His voice

Booming in the thunder and it is

Reflections of his brilliance mirrored

In the lightning strikes.

I prayed “God you are Awesome.

Please let me feel your presence

Even in the wood, I am holding onto.”

A split second later a Thunderclap

So loud and powerful, that my

Home shook in its foundations.

He is awesome and He hears us.

I can testify to that over and over.

He has done so much for me

I sometimes feel ashamed that

I can do so little for Him.

Peace and love be with you

My brothers and my sisters.

Forever

Amen

Doulos

Being a man

It is hard to be positive

With all the negative news

In our Beautiful country.

The most brutal and

Heinous crimes committed

Against the innocent and frail,

Makes me scared of our future.

Why do men do this?, what

Drives them to such barbaric

Acts?.

I hear a lot of noise about

What is being done and even

The President has pitched in

With a strong denouncement

And warning against rapists.

That to me is part of the

Problem.

 A Patriarchal society led

By a Polygamist does not do

Much to instil respect

For “the weaker sex” in

Our youth.

Single mothers, some of

only children themselves

Exacerbates the problem even

Further.

We have a nation of

“mommas boys’ who had

No role models because

Men remained quiet

Of this scourge that

Tears the fabric of Society apart.

Men that did not fulfil

Their role as fathers.

Men that feels inadequate

Because Women are

Becoming the providers.

Men without backbone

Jellyfish that do not

Deserve the title “Man”.

It is time to rise up

It is Time for real Men

To say, “No Further.!”

If we do not my friend

We are castrating ourselves.

We are denying our God

Given right to procreate,

To protect and sustain

Those that cannot do

It for themselves.

Rise up my brothers

To protect our sisters and

Children against brutality.

Rise up and be Real Men.

Amen

Doulos

Death

Where, O death, is your victory?

Where, O death, is your sting?"

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Had sad news today. A little boy passed away.

He was the child of our daughter’s

Aftercare school.

As so many times before I was again

Confronted with my earthly mortality.

How do you comfort the parents?

Who lost a child?

How do you convey your empathy?

And hurt sufficiently to comfort them.

Only they can experience the sorrow.

The pain, the emptiness inside.

This is also the time when I pity atheists.

For them there is no God,

no heaven, no hell.

Their “logic” and “intellect” dictates

That God cannot be proven and

Therefore does not exist.

They reason that, if God exists

He/She cannot be benevolent.

I shall tell those parents

Of a living God, a loving God.

A God that gave us the gift

Of eternal Life by sacrificing

His own Son.

There is no reasoning,

There is little sense.

There is only faith that

Can lead us to the peace

He promised us.

That Boy, hi name is Troy

Is now  a witness of that Love.

He is safe in the Arms of

His creator and smiles upon us.

If he could He would return

And dry his parents tears.

That my fiends is my Truth.

Peace and love be with you

My brothers and sisters.

Forever

Amen

doulos

Mlungu 

Durban – “Mlunguuu” the crowd at the packed

 Moses Mabhida Stadium roared every time

 Dean Furman had the ball.

Adoration for a Hero..

Or

 I'm speaking Zulu

under my breath

 so this stupid umlungu

doesn't realise that

I'm insulting him,

while pretending

 to help him.

 By the time he

 finds out that

I've ripped him off,

 I'll be long gone.

Why are white people disrespected

and even hated in Africa..?

I love Africa and I love

My birthplace South Africa.

It is in my blood, it is in

my soul and it shall

remain so.

I have asked myself

 many times why

people still have

racial prejudice

in my beloved country.

Apartheid is the

Obvious answer

And rightly so.

Yet it started many

Moons ago before

The start of apartheid.

In fact I believe it

Started soon after man

Was created.

I am not going to

Try and explain the

Existence of black

People in the

Bible.

To me the Bible

Is not about colour.

It is about love.

The love of God for his

Creation.

You may quote.

Acts 13:1 (ESV)

13 Now there were in the church at Antioch

 prophets and teachers, Barnabas,

 Simeon who was called Niger

, Lucius of Cyrene, Manaen a lifelong

friend of Herod the tetrarch, and Saul.

Or;

Jeremiah 13:23 (ESV)

23           Can the Ethiopian change his skin

 or the leopard his spots?

Then also you can do good who

are accustomed to do evil.

The Bible does not specifically identify

 any person as being black-skinned.

The Bible also does not specifically

 identify any person as being white-skinned.

Fact is we can quote

The Bible to suit our

Prejudice as has been

Proven in our

Country so often.

Dueing the seventeenth

Century in Haiti a man

Prayed.

Boukman:

The god who created the earth;

who created the sun that gives us light.

 The god who holds up the ocean;

 who makes the thunder roar.

 Our God who has ears to hear.

 You who are hidden in the clouds;

who watch us from where you are.

You see all that the white has made us suffer.

 The white man’s god asks him to commit crimes.

 But the god within us wants to do good.

 Our god, who is so good, so just,

 He orders us to revenge our wrongs.

 It’s He who will direct our arms

 and bring us the victory.

 It’s He who will assist us.

 We all should throw away the image

 of the white men’s god who is so pitiless.

 Listen to the voice for liberty

 that speaks in all our hearts.

Prayed: This man was

A revolutionary and

Practised Voodoo

And hence was accused

Of making a pact

With the Devil.

Yet when I read the

Prayer I want to weep.

Is that the legacy

Of our church.

Are those the scars

We inflicted on our

Fellow man through

our missionaries.

I say, let the past be,

Let us unite in

Our diversity.

I owe one life

To my God,

Let it be a blessing

Not a curse.

I end of with:

Mlungu dalitsani Malaŵi
Chicheŵa	English
Mlungu dalitsani Malaŵi, Mumsunge m'mtendere. Gonjetsani adani onse, Njala, nthenda, nsanje. Lunzitsani mitima yathu, Kuti tisaope. Mdalitse Mtsogoleri nafe, Ndi Mayi Malaŵi. <!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--> <!--[endif]-->	O God bless our land of Malaŵi, Keep it a land of peace. Put down each and every enemy, Hunger, disease, envy. Join together all our hearts as one, That we be free from fear. Bless our leader, each and every one, And Mother Malaŵi.

 Peace and love be with you

My brothers and my sisters

Forever

Amen.

“Man”

Call me a cantankerous old fool

And you may be right.

Maybe because I have a

Propensity for “Preaching”

To the youthful, as if I

Have a secret source of

Wisdom.

What I do have is

a mixed bag of experience.

Partly by chance and

Partly because I am not

afraid to test the unknown.

The thing that troubles me

The most in life, is what

Made me become, who

I am.

Was it purely Genetics?

Tine frame and location,

Or are there

Other factors involved.

Would I be different if

I was born a woman?

Would I be different if

I was born

a different “colour”?

Would I be different?

If I was raised in

A different culture

with a different religion?

That all becomes immaterial

Because I cannot change

Any of it, or can I?

So what makes me

What I am?

A middle aged Afrikaans

Caucasian man.

My early childhood

Experiences are,

to say the least, muddled.

I remember very little.

Even when

 a professional Hypnotist

tried to goad it out

of me, it remains

a shut case.

She intimated that,” You

buried it so deep it

cannot be retrieved”

For as long as I

Can remember I

Deliberately tried

To change my experience.

I have dared to

Push life’s limits.

I challenged the

status quo.

Be it religion,

Language or culture,

I deliberately followed

The alternative, to what

was pummelled into

me by relations,

education, the authorities

and my peers.

I was forced to

“Become a man”

Very early in life.

Because I was a dreamer,

And was more interested

In books than becoming

A “real little boy”

First I had to learn,

How to fight.

I was forced into boxing,

Judo and rugby to

“toughen me up”

Problem was I excelled

At it although I hated

every moment.

My body took over

And relished the

punishing physical

Routine.

I was a scared little

Boy, averse to violence.

Today I remain the same.

I am no longer “scared”

But I abhor violence.

So I was labelled

“A Rebel”, and later,

“a loose cannon”.

One day I was forced

To look at myself,

because of my reckless

Lifestyle choices

I had to call an abrupt halt,

To save me from myself.

I started challenging Me,

my beliefs, my convictions

and my experiences.

The alternative was

Total destruction and

ending up “rock bottom.”

I was a harrowing and

Extremely painful

Journey.

I persevered although

I did not like the

“real me,” that emerged.

I faced God, for the

first time in my Life.

Not the one I was

Taught about in school,

The church, my parents,

My friends and Life.

The One that is

part of me.

That One that protected me

all my life.

The One that knew

the real me.

The one that knows

my darkest secrets,

my deepest fears,

my most fiery passion,

my dreams, my desire

and my aspirations.

I found out

 that I am Ok.

I found out

That I alone am

The architect of

My Life.

So why do I bore

you with my story?

Because it is

contemporary.

Because it is Oscar,

Reeva,,Mido and

All the rape victims.

Because it is Us

and  it is South Africa.

Because we are scared,

Shell-shocked and

Punch drunk.

Because I try to make

Sense of the senseless

violence surrounding us.

Because I reject with.

contempt the

  Gibberish

dished out by

 Lulu Xingwana.

Because I only

Have only myself

as reference

For my experience

Of life.

The answers

To our reality

Are complex.

As complex as

All 50 million plus,

Of us.

The answers lies

Within us.

Are we brave

Enough to dig

Deep.

To let go

Of prejudice

and judgement.

I beg of you my brothers and sisters

Be brave and rise against

The injustice to the poor

And weak.

Speak up

 and speak out.

I am Ok and you

Are Ok as long

As  we strive

To make “their” lives Ok.

Peace and love be with you

My brothers and sisters

Forever

Amen

Doulos

I am a child

I am small

I am fragile

You are tall

You are hard

I am unfledged

I am innocent

You are used

You are tainted

I am scared

I am soft

You are gritty

You are callous

I am growing

I am learning

You are mature

You are formed

Stop hurting me

Start caring for me

Stop abusing me

Start nourishing me

Stop raping me

Start loving me

Stop blaming me

Start helping me

You will pay

Even if I am away

You will answer

To my God

My creator

Who loves me

Like he loved you

When you were me.

You are hurting yourself.

Peace and love is what we

owe them my brothers and sisters

and love and caring we know that

now let us do it.

amen

Doulos

Francis1

We have a new Pope

I am not a Catholic but

I am a Christian. There are

More than two Billion of us

(Catholics and Christians)

This Pope is a Jesuit and for

Those that do not know

A member of the Society of Jesus

A humble man that lived

And served among the poor

He even washed HIV Positive

People’s  feet.

A man that can take

The Church back to

Its roots, back to the

Simplicity that is an essential

Part of Christianity.

We must not make the mistake

To make a “Messiah” out of

him. We must not burden

Him with our expectations

Of miraculous intervention

In our lives

I know there are many false

“Messiahs” amongst us

There is a Black one,

A Rasta and numerous

“Demented” individuals

That claim to be

“The Son of God”

This Humble man asked us

Al 2 billion of us to bless him.

He is a wise man because

Our blessings will carry him.

Even the Saints and for some,

Their Ancestors knows

That man is need of blessings.

If all of us do this regularly

“The Bride of Christ”, us

The Church will be rejuvenated

A much needed resurgence of

Morals and values will ensue.

To our shame our Islamic

Counterparts are more vigilant,

More devoted and more

Disciplined when it comes to prayer.

The time for a spiritual revival

In Christianity is overdue

You and I all two billion

Of us can change this world

One prayer at a time.

Peace and love be with you

My brothers and sisters

Forever Amen and Amen

doulos

Eureka

 

I want to tell you an interesting “true” story.

Just like our Ambassador in China

 a certain guy walked naked a

log, long time ago. He was

taking a bath and

 suddenly jumped out

because he discovered something.

Another guy sat under a tree

And an apple fell on his head.

Actually it was a relative

And she is not famous

Because an apple

fell on her head.

Another bloke found

Out that gazing at the stars

Is not all that beneficial

To your health if it led

To you saying that Earth

Is actually round and not flat.

Some lazy guy did not

Want to wash dishes

And on top of it his nose

Starting to drip and

Messed  things up further

So much so that he

 became famous and

we can now live longer

because of it.

Boring story?, well think again

And I shall mention:

Nicolaus Copernicus

 Galileo Galile

 Archimedes of Syracuse

Alexander Fleming

Isaac Newton

The younger generation

Would go, Huh!, who the…

Are they?

There are many more

And all of them have one

Thing in common

They discovered something

Beneficial to mankind

They put down the

Foundations of what

We understand about life.

So my young friend

If you think your parents

Are boring and very ooooold

Think about these guys

And thank your lucky

Stars that they lived

Long, long ago.

It would also help to know

They had no computers

No electricity

No telephone

And hardly any

Of the shelf medicine

They used their feet to travel

Or used animals as transport.

All the things you take

For granted today.

Now some silly old

Guy or several of them

Are talking of a

God Particle.

They cannot see it

They had no name

For it and because

It acted in unimaginable

Ways and was so incredible

They likened it to God.

Now get of your

Youthful backside

And go play outside

You may just discover

Something

Peace and love be with you

My young brothers and sisters

Forever

Amen

doulos

 

Small things

 

 

 

We all started the same

Just a sperm and an egg fusing

And we multiplied until

We became I

A small thing

Just I

Then began all else

That formed I

All things that gave

I an identity

A personality

And I could

Finally say

I am

When I realised

The enormity

Of it’s being

When I identified itself

In the image of

The Almighty.

And I became

A word.

In the beginning was the Word,

 and the Word was with God,

and the Word was God

before you crucify me

and before you call me

the Anti-Christ

I am not saying

I am God

I am merely saying

I was created

In His image

So I am a word

And I know there

are trillions of words

so which one best

describes the I

that I became

I can take the

Easy way out

And claim my name

Christoffel Francois Olwagen

As being I

Or I can claim

My rebirth name

Doulos

As being I

My dear friends

We all battle

with this question

Who am I?

Does it really matter

Who I am?

Or does it matter more

What legacy I leave?

I cannot be perfect

I cannot become

A saviour of mankind

I cannot be the ruler

Of the earth.

I can just be I

So my prayer is

And will always be

A request

For a gram of wisdom

        A gram of insight

       A gram of love

      A gram of faith

Small things

All of them

But if they fuse

And multiply

As I did

I will become complete.

Peace be with you

My brothers and my sisters

Peace and love be with you

Forever

Amen

doulos

Easter

 

It is Easter and a

Significant time for

More than one religious grouping

Now I must tread carefully

Because I simply do not

Understand why the

Three linked religious groupings

(Judaism is only 2 %)

Are so blatantly opposed

To each other.

It is  not only intolerance

In some cases it leads

To pure hatred and

Can even lead to one

Grouping declaring war

On the other.

More than half the

World’s current population

belongs to these three

collectively.

To my limited knowledge

There can only be one God.

There can only be one Creator.

Whether we call Him/Her/It

A God or not.

The Jews, Christians and Islam

Are in my book relatives.

Although the Bible does not acknowledge

Ishmael as Abraham’s son

He and Isaac were half brothers.

These two brothers now

Represent Islam and Judaism

The Arabs and Hebrews

Until this day disagree

Over the root word for

God’s name each claiming

Ownership.

 So be it and they

Worship “Two” God’s

By giving Him different

Names.

Then there are us the Gentiles

Of old who became followers

Of Jesus Christ.

Our God is known

To us as a Trinity of

Father, Son and Holy Spirit

We also prefer to give

 our God different

names depending on

which branch of

Christianity we follow.

In Israel the three of “us:

Gentiles, Jews and Islam

Worship our “separate” God’s

On separate Holy days.

Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

And we do so in separate buildings.

I firmly believe however

There is only One God.

The very same God

Worshipped by al three groups.

Our differences and prejudices

are steeped in History

and is well recorded.

We killed one another

Ridiculed one another

Waged wars and tortured

And brutalised each other

Through the ages.

That is not God’s doing

It is us His children’s doing.

We can decide to live in Peace

We can decide to tolerate

Each other and

We can even love one another.

Individually our “religions”

Advocate that we do exactly that.

When God finally reveals Himself

All of us from the three

Groupings will face the same dilemma.

Will we will keep on living

Or will we perish.

I know the Bible says it

Will be extremely difficult

For a rich man to enter Heaven.

Abraham, Job, Solomon, Joseph and David

Were rich men and I am sure

They entered.

That is not what worries me.

I say it will be near impossible

For a man poor in love for

His God and for his neighbour

To enter in Heaven.

Now my brothers and sisters

Children of God

Let us have peace and love each other.

Let this be a joyous time

Even for the unbeliever.

Amen

doulos

My Africa

Madiba is not well

It is sad but true that he

Will succumb to the curse

We all succumb to.

His name and stature will

However,

together with his soul

remain forever/.

I love Africa

And it pains me

That we must loose

A Father.

One who is respected

By all races

By all countries

By most religions.

Now back to business

What is happening

To his dream of

A truly democratic

South Africa?

I am not a scholar

I am not particularly bright.

I am spiritual but

Definitely not fanatically so.

I am not going

To try and solve

Africa’s problems.

I am not going to try

To solve my birth County’s

Problems.

I read something

And I have meditated a lot

I pray continuously for

My country and specifically

For our leaders.

I have read far and wide

And found that Africa

Is not cursed.

Not by the Bible,

not by God

and definitely

 not by Noah.

The Abrahamic

Promise negates that.

We need to catch up

We need to catch up

To centauries of

Progress, development and

Social upliftment

Of our people.

I am going to leave

Some excerpts from

A paper I read.

. (Is There an African Curse? by Jean-Louis Zoël  Paper No. 04-04 September 2004 )

‘Wars, drought, famine, pestilence, locusts, cattle plague. Why so many

calamities, in succession? Why?’ wondered already in the late nineteenth century

François Coillard, a French Protestant missionary in Buloziland, the floodplain of

Zambezi in modern Western Zambia

Africa hosts 11.2% of the world population but

represents only 2.5% of the world’s GDP. More alarmingly, the trend is worsening.

There seems indeed to be something wrong with this region. Why is Africa so

much at pains to partake of development and globalization?

The

general assessment is that the African slave trade prevented demographic growth for two

centuries and helped accentuate the continent’s already evident economic backwardness.

Not all countries fit that general scheme. Two states, Botswana and Mauritius,

have succeeded in achieving sustained growth, implementing growth-friendly macro-

policies and building relatively effective governance institutions based on democracy and

the rule of law. South Africa, with its past growth impaired by the apartheid and foreign

hostility to it, is also a special case with the advent of an ethnically inclusive government

of national unity in 1994. It provides a hopefully inspiring example for the continent.

This could well be a sort of ‘ethical trap’. Simply reversing economic policies will

not suffice to escape from it. Democracy might be more helpful in that. It may not yet be

firmly embedded but Africans are less and less amused. In every country, there is a

growing ‘tribe of democracy’. African NGOs are increasing the pressure for transparency

and progress in political, social and cultural matters. These are flames of hope and

indications that more and more Africans want a deeper change.

 

They might prevail if they

can be freed from the ethical trap. After all, isn’t freedom the ‘ultimate ethical frontier’,

as Achille Mbembe (2002) asserted?

Peace and love be with you

my African brother's and sisters

all of you of every culture and race

forever

Amen

doulos

 

The likeness of light

 

So the Scientists are close

To findig the ever elusive

Dark matter, that may

Or may not exist.

Then I read what a young Einstein

Allegedly said to a lecturer.

Student : You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light. But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, well you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?

During this debate Einstein concluded

Student : That is it sir … Exactly ! The link between man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that keeps things alive and moving.

So here is some “facts” about light

the speed of light = 299 792 458 m / s

1 light year = 9.4605284 × 10¹⁵ meters

light has no mass, therefore no weight

m=E/c^2.

The time it takes light to reach earth

Traveling from the sun.

8 minutes and 20 seconds.

So my dear friends

You all know I am no Einstein

I am just doulos

Last night a thought came to me

“like a blinding flash of light”

This thought was.

“during my darkest hour

Light was less than

43200 seconds away.”

And of course rapidly coming closer

Until 8 minutes and 20 seconds

Before I saw it,

It was already present.

If I had a double, living exactly

Opposite me on the

Other side of earth

Will I always be in light?

This light that came to me

Also “told” me

“When light becomes so bright/lite

That it is no longer visible

It becomes divine.”

Therefore it becomes God

And can no longer

Co -exist with darkness.

What is the point of all this?

I really do not know

And even the Scientists,

 looking for

Dark matter do not know.

All I know is

What I know

And that is that

There is a God

And that He/she/it

Is so infinitely splendid,

That  our collective

Brainpower all

7 billion  of it

Cannot fathom It.

Those who experienced

Live after death in

Near Death experiences

Travelled towards this

Light but never saw the

Source

They only experienced

Other light beings(humans)

In that dimension

And they experienced

Untold love.

May this love and peace be with you forever

My brothers and sisters

Amen

doulos

Us

 

Till death us part

Yes we are going to end

This life and we do not have a choice.

Two names, two lives

One dignified one rejected

Madiba and Happy Sindane

“Two sides to a coin”

Were in the news this week

I respect and love Madiba

For me he is a special

Human being, one to be

Loved because he overcame

Man’s instinct for revenge

Then there was happy

A sad figure, a boy with

“no past”. A young

Man that was cast aside

By his white father

A man that “rejected”

His black family, because

He chose to believe

That he would

have a better future

in a white community

a sad tale indeed

can we blame Happy

can we blame any child

born out of mixed relationships

these questions gave plagued

this nation for too long

“Apartheid”. Most cursed word

Preached that mixed relationships

Were a sin

Indeed many churches

preached it as “Gospel”

I suppose those

Who agreed with them

Will now point to Happy

And say “I told you so”

Why do I mention

Them Madiba and Happy

In the same sentence?

Many will feel offended

Many would say

I disrespect a

Great man revered

My many in the world.

No my brother and sister

I do it deliberately

Because Madiba would

Not have discarded

Happy if he happened

To be his Father

It has nothing to do with race

And all to do with

“Manhood”

When I dared to

“cross the colour line”

I was “accepted;

With comments like

“you realise you are too

Old to have more children”

And

“we told her to use him(tou hom)

Not to marry(trou hom)”

The prejudice was there

It stuck through the ages

Like a cancer in our societies

It rears its ugly head

Time and again

And it has become resistant

To the”antibotics”

Of  Democrasy

I love my African Queen

And I am proud to

Call her my wife.

I love and adore

Our daughter

And cherish the

“Fruit of my loins”

She is special very special

I have been told so

By many.

Likewise I cherish

My granddaughter

With all my heart

To me race was never

A question

Love is colour blind

And God is colour blind

Because
He is light

And light consists

Of the whole spectrum

Though it appears white

Sometimes when I pray

My thoughts are overridden

My language is overridden

My “speech” is silenced

My tongue “tied”

And I start praying

In a language I do

Not understand

The language of angels

During these episodes

I receive “messages”

I “understand”

The inexplicable

And my soul

Is at peace

Comforted by love.

This love is

Indescribable

It is pure

And I feel

That I am not

Worthy to be a vessel

For something so

Unblemished.

Yes I mention

Happy and Madiba

In one breath

Because we are

All equal in death

As we are all equal

In birth.

Love and peace be with you

My brothers and sisters

Forever

Amen

doulos