History

Mara(finding me)

Bonding


Living in another zone
that is me and sometimes it borders on strange
does a man bond without being overly effeminate
without losing his apparent gender identity
being sensitive and intuitive
does that make him
woman
I do not appear feminine
I am seen as big and forceful
a dangerous adversary 
I bonded with both
my baby girls in the womb
I spoke to them reassured them
  taught them
all the time
playing soothing music
I too was taken back to
the womb
under hypnosis
now I have at theory
of why I was so deeply affected
by the death of Mara
I believe
there is one other
baby girl
out there
that
was
my firstborn child
I cannot prove it
will not invade
will not insist
just accept 
the mother
chose another man
to be the father
of my unborn baby girl
How do we know
I know
I loved tweety, she loved daddy
our love names for each other
we decide our baby girl
will have a unique name
say YbmiuQ
national service ripped us apart
maybe it was me that ripped us apart
she left without notice
without explanation
disappeared while
I was taught the art of war
I know at that time during 1980
in the Eden of Caprivi
I held a baby girl
in my arms
she was Mara
meaning
bitterness
at the same time
tweety gave birth to  
YbmiuQ
the stars told me
my guardian angel
was there
I know
I just
know
my child
my first child
whom I never held
who does not
know me
as her father
was born during 1979
when Mara was born
35 years later
I hear of Mara"s death
and I break down
uncontrollably
it tears into
my soul
drains me
a deep
unexplained longing
and sorrow
overwhelms me
I just
know
R.I.P
tiny Mara
sweetness
of my soul
mirror
image









2 comments:

  1. 35 years later

    I hear of Mara"s death

    and I break down

    uncontrollably

    it tears into

    my soul

    drains me

    a deep

    unexplained longing

    and sorrow

    overwhelms me

    I just

    know

    R.I.P

    tiny Mara

    sweetness

    of my soul

    mirror

    image

    ReplyDelete
  2. The longing of what could have been. Is it possible that Quimby is really my daughter and that the reason why I bonded with Mara was a spiritual event to confirm the fact.Call me crazy call me whatever you like but I firmly believe we are eternally bound to our offspring.

    ReplyDelete