Ny Diary November 2013 Onwards

 

hu·man·i·ty

 

 

 

I fought my way

out of the womb

on 30 October 1960

I was placed there

many months

before

they were young

they were ambitious

two lovers

in a mining dorp

She was happy

his wild days

were over

He devoted

himself to God

They were poor

as a result

but rich with

promise

of a new bright

future

I was the

only one

to survive,

being conceived,

after

he calmed down

The restless gene

was imbedded though

My little sister

succumbed

drawn by

the white light

she now

resides

in peace

We

children of Africa

born

to Caucasian

parents

in a wild

untamed land

at the southern tip

of massive

continent

of darkness

He died young

with his boots on

he was still

preaching

the day

that his

brain was flooded

with blood

by an

artery bursting

She was brave

a woman who

knew pain

who knew poverty

yet she

was sophisticated

she remained

a lady

till she left

to join

him at last

It could not

have been

different

the time

the place

the circumstances

were destined

written

in the Book

of Life

I turned out

to be different

to my siblings

I did not

conform

yet I believe

I can contribute

to bring

a glimmer of light

a grain of hope

a pixel of comfort

I cannot change

the past

or predict

the future

but I can

create

build

encourage

teach

I cannot

solve life

just live it

to the full

and

hopefully

to the benefit

of some

Peace and love

be with you Forever

my brothers and sisters

in life

Amen

doulos

 

 

I C U

 

 

Some things are hidden

some we hide

ourselves

I had a scary

experience

when I was small

I hid it very

deep inside me

so much so

that it

disappeared

Yet it is

there

surfacing

in my dreams

I want to tell

you a truth

I experienced

first hand

I was in ICU

Desperate

and I was

scared

so scared

that I prayed

to die

My biggest fear

that I shall

never hear

my little girl

say

Daddy I love you

I was totally deaf

It was not

the first trip

to ICU

it was

the fourth

There was another time

when I was

scared senseless

I was a;one

on the verge

of total collapse

in my marriage

in my life

This time

I was crying out

crying out

to the God

that put me

in my mothers womb

and basically

He Said

ICU

My life changed

because I know

I am seen

through others eyes

but most importantly

by the Creators eyes

since then I try

to see others

through His eyes

and not my

own

He sees

 beauty in us

perfection

and endless

potential

 

May I always

see you

my beloved brothers and sisters

through His eyes

and may peace and love

be with you forever

amen

doulos

 

 Godsend
   

 



14 August 2011

 

This little creature

just appeared in my garden

two years ago

I felt exited

because many moons ago

more than ten years

I wrote a

comprehensive

business plan

with a three year

Cash flow summary

that included this

or a similar

little bird

It was "stolen"

more like high-jacked

by a"prophet's"

disciple whom

I trusted

and my plans

never came to pass

I did not grasp

the meaning

or the message

this little bird

brought me

in the mean time

I started another company

importing and distributing Moringa

How could I have known?

it was a message

from above

how could I have known?

it was an answer

an it fitted

my entrepreneurial plans

like a glove

I know

it is going to be

immensely potent

and it is

going to be

profusely blessed

let me state it

categorically

I am not a

religious freak

I am a deeply

spiritual person

that venerates

my God Elohim

 

 The God of truth says,

"See now that I myself am he!

There is no elohim besides me" (Deuteronomy 32:39).

 

I never knew this word

until one day

I started to pray

in a language

I do not

understand

and I

called to Elohim

he answered me

and still does

I cannot explain

I can only share

It happens

countless times

I ask or call

he answers

I get blessed

with exactly

what I need

it is profound

I pity those

who do not have

this relationship

with their Creator

they will never understand

the joy and amazement

that such an omnipotent

spiritual being

can care for every person

in a personal way

that is the Magic

of Godsend

So I embark

on my new

endeavour

with confidence

with a knowledge

He approves

Peace and love be with you

my brothers and sisters

for ever

Amen

doulos

 

 H-Ear

 

 

I cannot hear

but can u listen

We communicate

past each other

with all the

technological overload

we are too ocupied

to listen

Sometimes

people are

shouting out

in agony

and we do not

hear

Sometimes they

are begging

for help,

empathy,

love

or just

a moment

of our time

I know

because

I too

am guilty

Today

after years

of suffering,

ridicule

and downright

abuse

I am

finally

going

for a hearing test

not the first one

hopefully

the last one

technology

has advanced

in this field

yet some

just use

it as one

of their

many

expensive toys

I need it

Waited long enough

sacrificed enough

Last night

we attended

a Cookout

at the

Bryanston

Country Club

and then

all hell

broke loose

The mother

of electric

Highveld

storms

nearly ruined

the event

Fortunately

sanity prevailed

the hosts

were  innovative

and caring

and went  out

of their way

to make it a

success

Yet I was

frustrated

my head was

pounding

and every time

I tried to

escape outside

away from

the torturing

noise

I was shepherded

back inside

for my

own safety

When I tell

people

I cannot hear

I actually

mean

I see you

talking

I hear you

talking

but my ears

are  scrambling

what you  say

and I miss

most of it.

My ears

are very sensitive

to noise

with all the

concentration

to hear

I get a

tension headache

and just feel

like

fleeing

I am writing this

not because

I feel sorry

for myself

I am writing it

in the hope

it will help someone

in a similar

situation

so people

can understand

they are not

anti Social

they are not rude

They feel the

pain of

your judgement

on top

of their physical pain

So they become

more lonely

more

miss-understood

I am

one of the

lucky ones

who have

medical Aid

so I can get

help

as it is

expensive

Peace and love be with you

my brothers and sisters

Forever

Amen

doulos

 

 

 Continued

 Well it was not like

a Chinese

tea ceremony

The Ogre

and the beauty

sounds more

like it

I am nervous

around

anybody

who associates

with medicine

I have been

cut up

pumped full

of chemicals

pricked full of holes

prodded

and bruised

and they

even

used a

"toilet brush"

to gently

clean my pipes

of all  the gunk

in my heart

They are aloof

go around

 their business

without emotion

and then they

calmly ask

"how was that for you"

as if they just climaxed

or something like that

pardon me

 for not brimming

with unbridled joy

when I was

just raped

the truth is

I was petrified

I was praying

because

I know

my reckless lifestyle

was the cause

for the state

of my body

Then this

exquisitely fine

creature

gets uncomfortably

close to me

Bone china

fingers

delicately painted

individually

My God

how do you handle

something so delicate

if your hands

are the size

of a sledge hammer

no thank you

I will not have tea

I will go to the

place of torture

close to the

oldest bone factories

 in Jozi

and subject myself

to more torture

and then

maybe

just maybe

I shall get help

so that I can hear you

This was the story

of the Sumo wrestler

and the  fairy

or it was

just an old fart

desperate to hear

I am grateful

for our

professional and proficient

medical practitioners

that did not

pack for Perth

they are the best

in the world

make no mistake

they saved my life

more than once

I just a scared little

rabbit

around them

Peace and love be with you

my brothers and sisters

forever

amen

doulos

continued

 

 

yep that is what I

some times felt like

and thought

that people saw me as

The E.N.T.

says there is

a hairline fracture

in my eardrum

Head trauma

he thinks

"Yes this drama stinks"

U R quite right

Or my dear wife

is fuming

when I say

"u want to watch me F....ck"

when she said

The Gardener

must

wash my truck

"Moenie so lawaai nie"

Me"ek weet jy wil nie N...i"nie

Eish I am inviting

more head trauma

on a daily basis

It is that blooming

pool in Nigel's fault

I get asked whether

I swam a lot

Did I swim a lot

Oh boy did I swim

and mostly underwater

and mostly

in the very deep end

I cant hear I

have a banana in my ear

I will be over soon

I will get my hearing aids

SOOOOOON

and this time

they will work

The exquisitely beautiful

 porcelain doll

with the hazel eyes

knows it will

work

She is Good

at what she does

I had many hearing tests before

she was on the button

To be fair to

the others

I was assaulted

was unconscious

maybe it was that

No more headaches

No more dizziness

and nausea

will leak

into my inner ear

I will not offend friends

by saying

incredibly stupid things

and changing

conversations

and being

anti social

and distant

I will not

quietly sit alone somewhere

when others are

enjoying themselves

My sharp wit

and humour

will surface once more

from the deep end

of the Nigel pool

Thank God

Thank you Father

for sending

people

to help me

It is

a new dawn

I cant wait

to enjoy

every second of it

Peace and love be with you

my brothers and sisters

forever

Amen

doulos

 

 Stardust

 



 

Harvard astrophysicist Charlie Conroy

Conroy looked up how many cells are in the average human body – 50 trillion or so – and multiplied that by the 6 billion people on Earth. And he came up with about 300 sextillion.

These numbers are mind boggling
Scientists now estimate
that there are many more stars
than previously calculated
Is it not ironic
that there are
as many stars
as every single cell
in every person
living on earth today?
We comfort children
and even grieving adults
by saying that the
deceased person
is now a shiny star
in the night sky
Last night there
was a massive
electrical storm
it even woke up
my wife, who
normally sleeps
through most  storms
I was  thinking
of the power
of our creator
and how insignificant
we, as humans are
just dust
like the sand of the sea
to use  a biblical idiom
should we rather say
like the stars
in the universe
Where do we go to
when we "depart"
What becomes of us
when our bodies
returns to dust
those of us
who are religious
and those
that are spiritual
think that we know
we know instinctively
our being tells  us
irrespective of Holy books
without the knowledge
contained in all
libraries
without the knowledge
contained in
 300 sextillion cells
and maybe that is
where we should look
for answers
about ourselves
in a single human cell
it evades
the best brains
the world has ever produced
it is hidden from our
human knowledge
and our human experience
of life or how
we perceive life
my good friend
would argue with me
about the Bible
and I shall simply say
I believe what the Bible says
but there is infinitely more
if we limit ourselves
to the human experience
we lock ourselves
 out of
the Devine reality
Do not try to understand
an Almighty Creator
with your human mind
wait patiently until
The Creator
reveals
what "He"
will
I find comfort in this
I know I am destined
to reunite
with my source
and that is enough for me
peace and love be with you
my brothers and sisters
Forever
amen
doulos