History

Saturday, July 2, 2011

My Diary

                                                                              RAIN

I am sleeping and something stirs my soul, a far off rumble,soft but audible. I know it so well and trust it so much that I sooth my spirit and go back to sleep.

Not for long though suddenly I am forcefully awakened,my very bones rattling as ta thunder flash lights up the sky seemingly right above our house. It trips the power, the surge protection no match for its power. I am suddenly wide awake, feel for the torch next to the bed. I reset the DB board. "Krissmonne will be scred if she wakes up in the dark, an i go and sit in my "Cigar Lounge". Actually just a Small space between two security doors that I use for smoking.

"My Father's" booming voice comforts me. Lightning lights up the sky and crashes down on the Rocky outcrop close to our Home. I am forced to reset the power several times and eventually I find a nightlight to
put in Krissmonne's room, "she still sleeps through all the raucous overhead."

I have no fear, I feel comforted by His awesome power and I imagine he hears me talking(praying) to Him. Then it starts, first one drop on the corrugated roof,then two, three and steadily the number grows. The hot cement path in the garden sucking up every little drop as soon as it reaches earth. The dry sandy soil shows no evidence of rain yet.

I watch the streetlight looking for confirmation of the rain , I can hear. "Yes it reflects streaks of droplets.!"
Then it increase, first slowly steadily increasing until it starts pouring down, literally in buckets. The dry cement now wet,the sandy soil forming puddles. The tar road is covered in "little galloping horses". Fond memories of my youth flashes in front of me watching the "little rain horses playing" in the rain.

I feel a deep affection rising up in me towards the rain. I am grateful and happy. Grateful  for the tremendous gift of rain. Then it dawns on me. Every single drop contains within it the wisdom of the universe. I realize that they are rejoicing and worshiping their Creator and the crescendo of millions, even billions of little rain voices rises up into and above the tumultuous skies above.

I am contempt and feel loved. I hear "My Fathers Voice," now only a murmur and I thank Him.



Thursday, 09 June 2011

Time to do something drastic about my current situation, so what do I do,I start writing a diary,LIVE. Moet seker mal wees, hoor ek baie murmer. OK ,it is cold in Primrose and wet. Thank God the fireplace still works. I think it is it’s last year though,will have to replace before next winter.All the metal parts,except for the shell has been burnt away by fifteen winter’s fires,that kept my family warm. Krissmonne did not go to school she has the sniffles,sinusitis I think. The child inherited my E.N.T problems and her mother's "bad chest".

The clever people tell us the universe is expanding. I say that our world is getting smaller.The Global village is shrinking. More people less space. Now there is an E-coli outbreak in Europe and a mad rush to find the source. Trouble is everybody is importing something from somewhere. We are all ill because disease does not need a passport or visa There are so many "foreigners" in our country and with them they bring strains of all kinds of nasty bugs.
So my pharmacy account is growing .Japan is pumping radioactive waste into the Ocean.China's rivers are polluted with dangerous chemicals and their people run to Africa to grab resources and space and spread whatever it is they carry in their bodies. My pharmacy account is starting to make me feel ill.
Take two of this,three times a day. Multiply that with three and you will understand what is hitting our family together with rain in WINTER. and tales of snow in Johburg.
19h58
Everyone is settling in.Everyone had their medication including our domestic. Monx made her "muti",she makes every winter consisting of a concoction of vinegar,sugar and Lennon's this and that. Krissmonne will not go to school tomorrow,so I do not mind that She is on her Laptop in her room.Will leave the Internet on until she falls asleep and then disconnect. Had a visit from our grandchildren. We have only one grand child but 'inhereted" the other two.
Imagine this scene if you will.Three little black girls hugging a white man and calling him "Oupa".
Always seems to happen in this house, not that I mind, it gets a bit tricky in town,but I am used to the stares. Monx and I have long ago accepted that race is still an issue in our country.
The fireplace is my welcome companion, while little lemon green lights flicker merrily away on the electronic media I am using.
I am content because I know of others that have more problems than I do. I will call her Fairy,because she is just a little girl in a grown woman's body/ raped multiple times by a family member before she could reach puberty. then sold by her mother to men,and beaten if she refused. She was "given" to a man as a "bride" when she turned eighteen and were taken away to a far off country, where her maiden language was not spoken. She got infected with the HIV virus, her children must call her "madam", because they were told not even to kiss her or they would get ill and die. She asked me to write a letter to the welfare Authorities to get access to her own flesh and blood.I cried and the people at Welfare cried,when they heard her story. All I
 can give her is love and understanding.I  can hug her,my wife and child can hug her and I can pray for her. She is so brave,luckily she found a man that accepts her status. The problem is that he might go to jail pending a court case,that  has been dragging on for three years.
That is one of the reasons I write this blog and risk exposing myself and my family.These stories need to be told or another little Fairy might just whiter away in the winter cold, and leave this cruel world behind.

Friday 10 June 2011

Just past five I got up because the cold has crept through my bones and was freezing my marrow. My mind seems to be working better at this hour. Still thinking of the Fairy, I mentioned earlier. It strikes me that only two human beings have ever gone to heaven alive. out of all the billions that were born and died only two were found worthy, or righteous enough to bestowed that honour.
No wonder there are so few Mandela's in this life. It has really come down to dog eating dog and in this type of situation,diamonds are a rarity. I mean the human kind. Fairy phoned me not too long ago. She was exited as she was going for an interview.Now I and Fairy both know that she has not much to offer. Only basic education, some experience in a Hotel cooking and speaks broken English. Guess it is her French that did the trick. To cut a long story short, I collected Fairy,first stopped at Jet, a working girl needs clothes, on to the Johannesburg CBD, bribe a security guard for parking,walk up four flights of steps. Alarm bells are ringing, Fairy breathless after one flight,reminds me of her status. I remind her of my age,size and pacemaker.
She eventually are seen and gets promised the Job either at Monte Casino or at Oliver Tambo International. She starts the next morning at eight. Phones me later,appointment is now at 06h30 and she must be at same hellhole,without lifts in JHB CBD. Drop her off,scarcely home and Monx phones me to fetch her.She has to pay R800-00 for "training" to secure the job.
Entrepeneur" is allowed to rob from the poor to enrich himself and there is a Goverment
She spent money on paying me for petrol,buying a couple of outfit's on  tick. remember I am also jobless. Just to get scammed.God forbids what would have happened to her,if she had the money  to pay for the "Job". See Fairy is a very attractive young Lady, I do not even want to contemplate it.
 I know the feeling, been through it myself. In the mean time the banks are again selling debt to the unemployed and insurance companies are coining in, securing it. What utter bullshit. No wonder the European Union is in dire Straits.
God help us,save us from ourselves. It seems to me that, the only reason for life on earth is recycling. recycling DNA and all forms of carbon. Cain killed Abel to recycle Him so the he could grow better veg. If he was an Entrepreneur however he would have figured out that God preferred meat as an offering and he would have Sacrificed his brother. Maybe God would have been pleased and blessed his crops.
10h27 AM
It is still really cold and get even colder as the wind picks up."Father,you must drink your pills", it is our domestic that brings my pills and a glass of Sweeto filled with ice. Eish,ja baie eish and I drink it,she is as cold as I am."Mamma" said I must stay inside today and make fire early.For the sake of readers I explain our relationship as that of domestic and employer. To me she is like a daughter and to her I am Father.
Trying to think of the coldest times I experienced in my life. I remember walking to the station  in Dunottar with Mom and my sister. it is still dark and freezing cold.The bleak grass is covered in white frost.The bus is waiting at the station. A ugly brown Railway bus. There are no trains to Heidelberg from Dunottar.We take the bus to Nigel Station and then another to Heidelberg station. We then walk to town,where Mom works as a manager in the Dairy. Your hands feel numb,your nose is a red cold button with droplets forming and freezing if you do not wipe it away with the back of your gloved hand.
At the dairy I cant wait for the three wheeler delivery bicycle to be loaded. The delivery guy likes kleinbaas Fransie and wont leave without me. I get taken only as far as his first stop at the mess of the local Army base.he drops me off and takes me into the warm kitchen where the Chef's are preparing breakfast. I get my share and thaw my scrawny body,sitting on the floor on a plastic milk crate,as close to the stove as possible. Life is good.

It is Saturday morning and I am exited to go and play my first official rugby match. It is a home match
at the "Big" school's sports fields in Barkley Road Nigel. i get up early.like always to put "pap" water on the stove,my duty every morning. Then I walk to the grounds, barefoot like all the other little boys.
The grass at the grounds is still covered in white frost. Our feet are already "frozen". Primary school boys play barefoot,that are the rules and we enjoy every moment of it. Specially, half time, when we get a cup of warm soup and the compulsory quarter of orange.

Lady Smith,Kwa Zulu Natal, I am eighteen, it is July and bitterly cold with The Snow on the Drakensberg Mountains chilling the winter breeze that enters every nook and cranny of the brown Army Tents, that are our "Barracks".
The less is say about my time at 5 South African infantry battalion the better. The "Intake" exceeds the capacity of the base by far. Conditions are appalling. the toilets overflowing with excrement . everyone has "gyppo guts". It is an art to get your army overalls off in time to sit down before you are soiled.

People are dying, At first the "hardegat corporals' are brutal and refuse the troops leave to go to the clinic. If they do allow you,you have to pack all your kit into a steel"trommel" and your"balbag"(duffel bag) and cart it all the way uphill o the end of the base alone.

On parade at 05h00 Am your hands freeze onto your R1 rifle. If you cannot thaw them, you tear skin of removing the barrel. then thankfully it dawns on the powers that be, that the situation is Life critical and you basically get begged to see the doctors. Meningitis is no joke and many do not make it back alive after being rushed off to hospitals in ambulances and Choppers. I make it,I am fit,tough and healthy and complete my six months basic training, ass well as my two year stint of compulsory military Training. Enough of that.
Naminia,Caprivi Strip on border with Angola. me in uniform during Military Service
with an orphaned Koi San Bushman baby called "Mara".

The fire starts crackling and popping, soon the whole house will be warm. life is Good.

Saturday, June 11, 2011  07,42 AM

Tired that is what I am,tired of trying everything in my power to reach out. Then I remember little Trust - See my true story on Xenophobia - "How Evidence became Trust". I am looking at a photograph of my fireplace. i remember the cold winter that year and the same fire place that kept a newborn baby boy warm.
Thing is trust do not remember me. Could not,he was too small. Tiny in fact born premature to a teenage mother, that went into labour out of fear. She had to run for her life on that fateful Sunday, when the community, where she lived, her neighbours and friends turned on her and vowed to kill her.
She was far from her home in Zimbabwe.Away from those who truly loved her.I a foreign land with foreigners, that suddenly turned into barbaric monsters and she was the target of their blood lust
Trust and his mom at my home.

Mom and I and my sister during 1964/5
I am not sure. inSprings,Ekhureleni, South Africa. Approx 80
km from where i am now.

I know fear, I was born scared. I was a sensitive little boy born into a community that I found hard to understand, and they never understood me. I was born into a country,that I got to love, Into a people that I got to love, even if they did not seem to love me.

Now I am drawing a parallel between Trust and I. Two scared little boys.One white, one black. One the son of a preacher born into the "previously advantaged' white minority in South Africa. One black born to a struggling Zimbabwean mother and father that took refuge in South Africa. And then there are two little girls.

One born to parents from Mozambique in the same situation as t
heir Zimbabwean counterparts.Her story in my Blog Archive may 16 2011. Then there is another black girl from Koi San origin born in Namibia during a war. her father a soldier in the South African Defence Force hunted out of his own country through the milenia, killed in a landmine explosion along with his wife. see her photo above, "Mara" 1978.

I am tired because I too need love. I too wish that some soul somewhere will reach out to me. yes and I am content and Yes I shall always reach out, that is how i am, that is what I am. Simply Doulos a slave to love. I am just tired of falling down and standing up.

This blog is not about me. it is about countless untold stories of people that desperately needs help. Sela. Amen enough of that.

Sunday 12 June 2011

"On Earth as it is in Heaven",
Monx went to Church alone, normally Krissmonne and our Domestic joins her. That leaves me. Why do I not go.? Firstly I do not hear well. our Church is huge and the acoustics poor. At the best of times I struggle to hear. In that situation I only end up totally frustrated and with a blinding headache,from concentrating , to no avail, to hear.

So I rather study the Bible at home. I have also discovered that we don't always get the "whole" story in Church. I have discovered many facts about the Bible at home, that I was never told in church,ever.
We should not even be talking of "Church". People are the Church, not buildings. The bride of Christ is not a building it is us.

Few know, specially in South Africa that some of our Bible heroes were married across the colour line. Now we do not have to wonder why that was not preached. It was a transgression punishable by law and a SIN. Not matter that even Moses and King Solomon, in all his wisdom thought otherwise.

 Moses had his "Little bird" and King Solomon his beloved. Both ladies of a different race than themselves. That might sound insignificant and like nit picking because the Bible is a comprehensive book. Not so,these little omissions has formed a racial divide so significant that a war was fought over it.

There was a certain Simon who tried to bribe the Apostles to sell their "Magic" or ability to do  miracles to him. we hear nothing further of this Simon. He was Simon Magus, a magician and challenged the Apostle Peter to a feud to prove that he was mightier than them. A dangerous character that even declared himself God. Magus failed and was either stoned to death, or fell to death after he levitated himself to "fly" to prove his superiority.

The story of Ishmail, Father Abrham's son with the slave girl Hagar also ends abruptly in the Bible and is never mentioned again. Yet he went on to have ten sons, that became a mighty nation, the Arabs of today.The Animosity between Islam and Christianity did not start with the Crusades, it started with father Abraham sending Hagar and her son away into the desert.

Most people I know goes to church and blindly accept what they are told,taught out of respect and faith. Few however study the Bible and accepts the preachers interpretation without question. There are others that Study the Bible in minute detail and devote a lifetime to the Book. They also study all other holy books and historical books. They study the Theology of mankind and form their own opinions. they are amongst us, some even fellow church goers.

They take the issue extremely serious and they do something about it. They form public opinion clandestinely. They get involved in politics and finance and become powerful individuals. Individuals that never reveal their other activities or their involvement in secret organisations,groups. They mock us, the so called Christians for our lack of knowledge. The very thing that the Apostle Paul warns us against. "They suffer, for a lack of knowledge."

The Bible is not a book, it is a library of books. I hold onto my faith as a Christian. I respect and revere God and yes I fear Him. Us humans are inferior to celestial beings like Angels. They can even come into the presence of the Almighty. Something that would destroy us as humans.

Everyone has a free will. So do we Christians. We were given a book. A extremely powerful Book to help and guide us. Yet we mostly ignore it and allows others to interpret it for us. Yes I know people who could quote Bible verses ad infinitum. I also know true scholars of the Book, who are loathe to share their superior knowledge or trust "ordinary" people with it.

So I do not go to Church. I also do not judge others that do. It is important,specially for or children and will form and mould them into active citizens. I miss the social aspect of church, I miss the brotherly love and common purpose. I pray every day without fail. To me my relationship with God is a personal one. maybe that is,why I sometimes feel lonely. It is a choice though. I made up my bed and must sleep in it.

Monday 13 June 2011

I am not Superstitious, so this Monday will not be any bluer Than any other Monday. The sky is pale blue in the weak morning sun. the Sunday Media once more added to our woes by highlighting all the negative aspects of our country and the Morning media did the same. They, the clever people, say that most heart attacks occur on a Monday.

No wonder, all we get to read and listen to is how bleak the future is. The world economy is a mall nourished pensioner, waiting for the final straw that will end it all. Do not forget that the world was supposed to end not too long ago. Fortunately it did not, as so many times before when doom prophets decided that it would most certainly,definately end in a bang.

I watch the Sparrows,that are busy building their nest in the tree I can see through my window. They have been at it   unabated for the last two weeks. Through the bitter cold and wet spell, they just carried on. do they know something I don't. Or are they just going on with their lives trusting that the creator will look after them. They are chirpy and busy, nothing disturbs them in their quest. they know spring will follow winter as it did for thousands of years. They will mate,lay eggs and feed their young like they did for so many thousands of years.

Why then am I worried,stressed out by rising prices,political upheaval thousands of miles away and political fires being stoked in my backyard. Why do I feel restless when volcanoes spew the earths intestines into the stratosphere. O my God, planes in Europe are effected  and now it's the Aussies and New Zealanders turn. The World Cup is Doomed! THEY say,the clever people, that if the super volcano,brewing under the Yellow Stone Park in America,blows it's lid,the next Ice Age will start and it will be the end of us. That is,if Global warming does not fry us to a crisp and drown the whole lot of us when the Polar Caps disappear.

They say this,they say that.Our cellphones are going to attack us and make us ill. You know what, I do not care. like thousands of years of earths history happened, more thousands will happen. When it comes finally I will accept,that my insurance policy signed in the blood of my Saviour will Carry me through and like the little Sparrow I shall carry on with my life.

02h10 PM
The Poor

De 15:11 For the poor will never cease out of the land; therefore I command you, You shall open wide your hand to your brother, to the needy and to the poor, in the land. (RSV)

Mt 26:11 For you always have the poor with you, but you will not always have me. (RSV)
It never ceases to amaze me how difficult it has become for some people to give. Specially in times like this,when most struggle to make ends meet. A brother at Church once asked my wife, "What can We do, We want to help."They asked it because of what we were doing at the time. I wanted to weep,not because someone realised that there are needs other than their own,but life has made their senses so blunt that the instinct to nurture has all but died off.
Need we ask what can I do. Well it is not as easy as it seems. It is not as obvious as it appears. It starts with an attitude towards life and how we perceive our fellow man. They do need our pity,they do not need to be reminded of their plight or status in life. they need our  empathy, they need to see in our eyes and in our demeanor that  we regard them as equals.
Yes I have had gifts thrown back in my face. I had arrogant and even angry remarks, because what I gave was not what was expected. My wife was even told by a young man,that came to our door looking for food."You are getting nice and fat, u have a  good life." Well even old fogy's like me knows u never ever tell a lady that she is "fat", or the anger of at thousand angry wasps are going to make you wish,you have kept your trap shut. needless to say the young man,His ears still ringing, left empty handed.
We cannot all be Mother Theresa and we cannot all be saints. I for one am definitely not either one. In our material world we seem to accept that giving is about goods or money. It is easier to grab a hand full of change and hand it over,than it is to give someone a hug. I mean with all the disease and bugs going around, who will even dare to.
When u start changing your attitude towards your fellow man something amazing happens. Suddenly you receive. You receive bags full of clothing,you receive bags and boxes full of food. People give because you make it easy for them. they know and trust that you will use it for the good of others.
We barely ever have to ask. We just get and we make sure that we pass it on for free, just as we have received it for free. I do not want to bare my soul here, that is not the purpose of this blog. I also know about hunger and I also know about not having. I however always count myself as blessed and remain thankful for the privileges I enjoy in life.
Modern life puts strenuous demands on us. we have families to care for,  and  bonds to pay etc,etc. the needs out there seems insurmountable. Even if we wanted to we could not change it or could we.? We are judged by what we own or how successful we seem to be, it is a vicious circle.
My plea to you is, please open your hearts, forget about your purse. Share your warmth,your smile and your love. Reach out and make a child smile by giving them your child's old sneakers or an old doll. Buy your domestic or gardener a Bible in their mother tongue and you have given them the gift of Life.
I am no better than any of my brothers and sisters. I do not profess to be a good person. I only know one thing and that is, that I am loved. See every person you meet in this light, they are loved and then act in a way that you would with those you love and love you. That is what this blog is about. NOT ME.

Wednesday 15 June 2011

Red
We all know that red spells danger. Our traffic lights indicate that and we know that a red cloth is enough to make a bull raging mad. Now my ten year old tells me there is going to be a Lunar eclipse tonight.

i read further in my daily that it is going to have two phases. One called a (Penumbra) or partial Shadow and the other an (Umbra) complete shadow. In this final stage the Moon will appear to be red. Now we also know that the ancients did not take a red Moon lightly. It spelled disaster.

Being as inquisitive as I am, I quickly run to my wife's little pill basket, she keeps next to the bed. What do I discover. Red, those little pills that controls, certain things in her and regulates her female cycle unfortunately also seems to regulate her mood. Now she drinks them faithfully every night and I am totally aware of that fact. Normally I just ignore it. BUT with an Lunar eclipse looming and the clever people predicting the Moon will turn Red.

I put two and two together. Red pill- mood swing- Red Moon- Danger. O my goodness I am in for it. Ever wondered why they call slightly disturbed people "Lunatics", it refers to the Moon, Lunar. We also know that people who dabble with the "Dark Side" uses the Moon as part of their sinister rituals

. The Emergency forces also knows very well,that a Full Moon,near "Pay Day" over a week-end means working overtime as the incidence of violence and trauma is guaranteed to spike. I also take advice from the Woman's Magazine's that tells me women can synchronize their menstrual cycle when they live in close confines for prolonged periods of time.

Imagine I Find myself in a female dormitory on a night like tonight. All the little rows of pills have an  empty pocket in the red zone. Midnight is looming and the moon is full. The red wine wells up in my throat and threatens to suffocate me. Me, red blooded male in the halls of opportunity, a female dormitory finds myself in mortal dager. thankfully I wake up,it was only a nightMARE.

Wednesday 16 July 2011

Youth 16 July 1976

Bloodshed, like the moon last night went through a phase, where it appeared to be red.  It was only an optical illusion,the shadow of the Earth blocking out the blue spectrum of light. then early this morning, shinigng bright in the pale winter sky. the stars barely visible. This pearl was not going to be outshone by anything.

where was I on 16 July 1976, when bodies were strewn in Sharpeville and elsewhere. When the anger of a frustrated youth boiled over and was brutally crushed. I was 15 turning 16 in October. I was in Nigel living in my Brother's house.

I was not politically aware of anything at the time. Whether I was influenced by politics depended on the adults in my Life. How was I raised and what ground rules were laid down to form the foundations of my life. There was nothing there. I was aware that the Army was aware of me, and that I would have to go and fight in two years time. I did not think about it,I would burn that bridge when I got to it.

At some stage I felt deeply patriotic. At some stage I wanted to fight for my country, at some stage I was prepared to die for the Flag. Bur there really was nothing, I was a loner with my own dreams and aspirations. I did not understand politics and was not interested I was more content going into the veld with my pellet gum shooting birds, than being around people, even friends.

If I knew, If I was aware of the turmoil and anger of the black youth in my country, I might have felt different. I too am passionate and I too get angry, when I experience  injustice. Maybe it was because there were no real male role model in my life. I don't know.

I look at my ten year old daughter and understand that I am helping to shape her. I listen to her and understand, that she has an own opinion. She does not understand race or why it should even be an issue. She is fiercely protective of the weak and loves babies to bits, like any other little girl. She believes in fairness and in love.

To me it is not a question of ,what happened on 16 July 1976. It is a question of what I and other responsible adults are going  to do to prevent a repetition of that fate full day. It is not something that can be fixed in a year or even sixteen years. It is something that calls on the mindset of a Nation to change. Accumulating millions, no even trillions of man hours of hard work to make the ideal of a Rainbow Nation a reality.

I pray to the Almighty that I shall have the time to make a difference. That I can contribute in a positive way to shape the Country that I love.

Friday 17 June 2011

There is this thing nagging at the back of my brain. I could say it is in my sub conscious mind, that means that it is always there whether I am awake or not. It is there nevertheless and I cannot get rid of it. It keeps on gnawing away relentlessly day after day. it makes me tired, listless and moody.

I have been trying to name it,identify the enemy from within and try and get rid of it. We have all got two persona's. Does not matter whether it were "identified" or not.If it were it would be called one of many little boxes,that people have created to explain certain human frailties. "personality disorder", etc. blah,blah and they would prescribe a remedy. Would not be so bad as I know people with many.I mean personalities. Some are there just for show in an effort to hide the real person. masks, that people wear to adjust to a world that are always scrutinising,judging and labeling every one,that in it's "humble' opinion does not conform to the "norm".

So what exactly is the norm. The norm seems to be that you can only be regarded as "normal' if you have possessions, a job/career and seem to be "successful". If you for whatever reason lack something, like a home in the suburbs,a car or cars and a gold credit card, you are judged to be inferior, a failure and doomed to the ranks of the have nots.

It is life and I notice it in my ten year old. She is still forming the person that she will be when she is a "grownup". Already societies pressures are there to conform. Her friends influence how she perceives life and it is clear that it affects her. thank God that she shares everything with us and we can steer and guide her. we try and teach her values about what is wright and what is wrong. We teach her about Trust and mostly we teach her about Love.

Sometimes we have to go to the child within ourselves to find out what it is that is nagging our sub conscious. we have to retrain that child, heal all the hurt,anger and disappointments. we have to nurture him/her and above all love him/her. You are OK is the overriding message. Once they are OK we start feeling OK.
 
Now I know some of my FB friends are masters in psychology and may disagree with me. I really do not care about that. all I care about is being true to myself. I value their knowledge and opinion but I know one thing. Only I, in all my humane nakedness will one day stand in front of my Creator and no one else.
It has to do with self esteem. How do I value myself, how do I judge myself and how do I rate myself against the Status Quo. then I realise and I sigh a sigh a sigh of relief. If the One who Created all rates me OK, I am OK.
'Thank you my father, I Love you Father".
09.48 PM

I WANT TO SCREAM. I WANT TO CRY, I WANT TO LAUGH, I WOULD EVEN CONSIDER TO DIE.!!!

 Why you may ask,?.because I ate sushi with a friend you dumb ass.! You ate sushi, like that is a big deal.? Noooo, you do not get IT I ate Sushi with a FRIEND..

All the memories, all the experience of a young soul battling out an existence in a stupid little Dorp, that did not even deserve a hero, never mind a John Voster. you do not know HIm, maybe you know a certain Verwoerd.

So what the hell has that got to do with Sushi. you do not understand do you and I do not expect that you ever will. You do not know about US. you do not know the two Europe beauties we met "Hiking"through our beautiful Country. You do not know about my love for his family and specially for his Mother and Father. You would not understand.

You would not know about us drinking champagne, I stole from my brother's house. You would not know , how we got so drunk, we could barely get off the rugby stand.

you would not know love and camaraderie that two young souls felt for each other. Brothers in  Arms, Blood brothers. Son's of the blood that race through our young bodies.

You would not know. Forget the Sushi, Forget the world. I missed my FRIEND, the one I knew when I was learning to be a man. The one I trusted end revered, YES even LOVED.

Oh boy what a fool I have been and still are. I could never had thought that a simple gesture of inviting an old friend to a meal of RAW FISH would ever touch me so much.

YOU WOULD NOT KNOW. THANK YOU CHAPPIE AND MAY GOD KEEP YOU AND HOLD YOU FOREVER. you would not know......

Saturday 18 June 2011

Amen

"It is true and Certain", that is literally what the word means.So if you feel that you are telling the truth,the whole truth and nothing but the Truth and you are certain about it, you may say Amen.

 0543.  Nma  'amen,  aw-mane'
Search for 0543 in KJV


from 539; sure; abstract, faithfulness; adverb, truly:--Amen, so be it, truth.

See Hebrew 0539 ('aman)

It can also be construed as taking an oath. So what does it mean when some preach and every second word they utter is Amen.  or they do the same with Hallelujah.
Alleluia

the Greek form (Re 19:1,3,4,6) of the Hebrew Hallelujah = Praise ye Jehovah, which begins or ends several of the psalms (106, 111, 112, 113, etc.).

 Now what is wrong with the following sentence. "And Moses, the day before going to the Mountain, while having his cup of coffee Amen. maybe he kissed his wife on the cheek Hallelujah." please I beg you stop this nonsense. Did moses even drink coffee and you want to take an oath on it. Would you praise Jehovah because he kissed his wife on the cheek and tied his sandal straps.?
Common we know of lots of people who does exactly that. it is like the youth of today ending every sentence with "you know." In the old days it was 'Ek se". Totally meaningless. "I maybe stupid, you know but I am not unintelligent,you know?.

What the Heck are u saying Bro and how on earth must I know these pearls of wisdom, of yours.

All I am saying is, be aware of your words. say what you mean and mean what you say. I am not perfect,far from it and I make many mistakes, and I am acutely aware of it.

The word Love is bandied about with relish. I love this, I love that. It is a HUGE word and is stripped of all it's meaning, when used inappropriately.

I would like you to know, that when I use the word Love, I mean it from the depth of my heart. Amen

12.44 PM


FATHER



fa'-ther (Anglo-Saxon, Foeder; German, Vater; Hebrew 'abh, etymology uncertain, found in many cognate languages; Greek pater, from root pa, "nourisher," "protector," "upholder"):

Mt 23:9 And call no man your father on earth, for you have one Father, who is in heaven. (RSV)
Please see this in the context it was written. This was an instruction to the Apostle's. unless you have
gazed in His eyes or shared food with Him or walked in His footsteps, it do not pertain to you.
Big word that FATHER ,are u man enough to carry it.?
 
This child,in all probability, will never know me. I just opened the door, the door to my home,the door to my heart. Something I tend to do involuntary. Because I bleed I feed.

Now think about that word and apply it to yourself. I write this today, because tomorrow I rest. Tomorrow I am a father.

Oh Holy God my Father give me Your Grace
bestow on me the Will,the strength and
the courage to carry that name"father"
with honour and responsibility and
mostly with Love.

To You only it belongs. I and other males are only honoured for so many years as custodians to that name "Father".

Amen and Amen
doulos

Wednesday 22 June 2001 9.56 PM

In Memory of Tony

I remember it like yesterday, I was trying to console Tony,my Brother In-law. Tony contracted Hepatitis,the deadly kind, and was constantly in pain. We sat outside the new house they bought recently. What do you tell a man that is dying?. Eventually all I could say, after trying to give Him hope and praying with him, was that He must not worry about his wife and their newborn Son.

it sounded empty and hollow. I could see it in His eyes that he was dying and I could see His desperation. I wanted to tell Him was going to be Ok but we both knew otherwise. Shortly after that Tony left on a bus for Maputo with His Father,that came to fetch his ill Son. I took them to the Bus Depot in Johannesburg and that would be the last time I saw Tony alive.

We were the best of friends, although we looked like the most unlikely duo to ever be friends. He small,black,me big ,white. Yet we had an understanding and shared things that only,blood brothers could. Shortly before his death,Tony had marital problems,like most of us and he discussed it with me.i shall never forget my parting words, Tony, just love each other and forget everything else, If one of you had to pass away the other one is going to be heartbroken.
Tony was a skilled Carpenter and made the most beautiful built-n cupboards and kitchen Cupboards. He was proud of his trade,he learnt in Portugal.He had big plans for his family's future and for building up a sound business of His own. He had a huge solid plank of hardwood and He always told me, how many beautiful things he was planning to make from it.
i encouraged Him to start out on His own at any cost as He was very talented. He never did and the plank stood propped up on an outside wall at His home. It was still standing there when we left for Maputo to bury Him. After the Funeral his widow gave me the plank as a gift as it reminded Her too much of Him and She could not find closure
.I had that plank for more than sic years. i always planned what I would do with it, but never got that far. I have ten thumbs and I am useless at Carpentry. Four years ago I finally sat down and started designing a headboard. It had to tell a story and it had to be a tribute to Tony.
I got a quote from a Zambian guy who made carved furniture. i never got as far. Eventually after a long period of illness and joblessness I decide to carve it myself. I did not want to entrust anyone with Tony's plank. i finally finished it Today and will post a picture. Tony's plank will be my bed's headboard and I will always cherish it.
I know that he would approve. I did not finish it off completely as I refused to have it cut up. I paid an expert to help me carving after I nearly destroyed all ten my thumbs in my efforts. The design and drawings are my own and so are some of the carvings.
Rest in Peace my Brother,You are not forgotten.
Monday 27 July 2001
Was a bit lazy to write for a while, not that there was nothing to write about. There was a lot to write about, only it was mostly sad and I stood back. So many people passed away, mostly elderly people. It is always sad as they leave behind mourning and an emptiness in people's lives.
They were 'ordinary" people buried by close relatives and friends. In most cases it placed an added financial burden on the bereaved families. They will be remembered by those who really loved them and forgotten by most.
There were also two "prominent' deaths and much was written and filmed about their deaths. they were honoured by a Nation for their contribution to our beloved Country, and rightly so.
Yet their passing was not an cosmic event. The poor ordinary citizen and the glorified exemplary citizen met the same fate. A fate that all living,breathing creatures share.Some favoured by the Creator with the hope of eternal life and others simply to be recycled into the universe, where they originated.
It was not the inevitable event of death that urged me to write, it was the inevitable event of birth.Two babies were born to two sisters,only weeks apart. One welcomed,planned and cherished. The other unplanned,ignored and denied by the father.
Now I understand why the Bible advises us to 'rejoice death' and "bemoan birth". They who passed on have found peace and rest. The newborn faces a life of  uncertainty that will most certainly culminate in the same  fate,death.
The one thing that the citizens of this country will bemoan in future is the fate of the youth. They will become the leaders of tomorrow and yet are ignored,abused,brutalised and left to fend for themselves.Our failure to acknowledge their existence as an essential part of our future will come back to haunt us yet. Remember June 16: 1976 and tell me I am pessimistic. The recourse's we withhold for their well being,education and sustainability will reap negative interest an will inflate into a future debt that may well destroy our Country.
                                                                   02.01 PM

                                                             Justice will be done.

Let ME state it unequivocally, I am not a Communist,Marxist,Stalinist or Socialist or any other Ist. I am Apolitical an if anything a Humanitarian.

I was watching the Cosatu Conference on television and I was concerned about some of the things that I heard. I am always concerned when politicians speak as inevitably we are soon to be confronted with the reality of their ideologies and on top of it we will be obliged to Finance the lot through our Taxes.

Suddenly I was Elated. "Good Shot" I heard myself shout and looked about if someone might have heard me. It was only me,the TV and the birds in the garden that was within earshot. Why then was I elated by what I heard from a bunch of Politicians cum Unionists whatever they are all cut from the same red cloth so to speak.

I just do not do Politics. Not interested,never was never will be. I have better things to do with my life. That does not mean that I am totally ignorant.

Let me explain why I was elated. I was jobless for many years mainly because of ill health. Finally I got a job and went full out to make a success out of it. I worked night and day as my family suffered financially when I was not employed. I was employed on a contract basis through an Agency, so called "Labour Broker" with none of the normal security afforded by the Employment Act. I was acutely aware of this and worked even harder.

Then fate struck. I had a stroke and woke up completely deaf. On arrival at work the receptionist was totally shocked at my appearance and was rushed off to a Clinic in Sandton. I was immediately rushed to Intensive care. I was seriously ill. In my Soul I died more than once in that Hospital bed. My wife was away to bury her brother and did not know about my whereabouts. I actually prayed that I should die, I was so desperate.

Two kind gentlemen from work visited me in ICU. We communicated on paper as I could not hear. I was "Fired" in ICU or rather it was scribbled on a piece of paper,that my position in the Company was critical and due to my "Inability" to fulfill my "Obligations", Two people were appointed in my position.

I remained in ICU for eleven days and eventually returned home. God healed me, I could even hear a little and had no other permanent disability due to the stroke. On my return to work I was allowed "leave"  pending a meeting with the Labour Broker.

What meeting was a disaster. On two separate occasions I was made to wait for hours before he finally pushed a piece of paper in front of me to sign. I was emotionally overwhelmed, just returned from deaths very door and I had to sign an important document without any representation. I signed and added W.P. (without prejudice) and left.

The process carried on a little further and was Rushed through and i was bulldozed again. I once more sat at home.

Later I had similar experiences. People use labour Brokers to dodge the Law. Companies abuse People Willy Nilly and dispose of people without them having any way to protect themselves.

At one stage I worked with an NGO that supported People Living with Aids. I was friends with the Secretary General and after hearing my views on Labour Brokers he assured me that he was going to do something about it.

Lo and behold he kept his word,someone listened to him. During the opening address of the Conference Cosatu Announced that they would Demand Labour Brokers to be banned outright and they would ask Parliament to sit on the issue before the year ends. !

My dear friends I am a Christian and I was friends with a man who did excellent work supporting people  living with Aids. I still do not believe in Politics. I do no think there is something called Comrade Christian. I also do not believe someone would ever dare call our Lord, Comrade Jesus. Simply because Communism does not embrace religion.

Labour Brokers are an abomination if there ever was one. It is nothing but legitimised Slavery.
I know,was there, done that,have the T Shirt.

That does not stop the Almighty from using who He will to let justice be done. Amen.

Tuesday 28 July 2011 10:03 Am
Plant a Tree
Do you have a dream,a desire rather to achieve something, be something or simply to own something? Of course you do, We all do. well my advice to you is, "Plant aTree".
I had a serious er.., "discussion" with an Elder in a Church, I used to attend, after he preached about people who Expect things from God,that He will give them and he chastised the congregation for their selfish desires.
My answer to him was;
Ps 37:4 Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. (RSV)
Isa 58:14
We are not limited in what we can ask even by the Creator. The world is literally your oyster. If you can dream it,you can do it, is another slogan bandied about.
Ten or so years ago or approximately 120 Moons ago my Wife's Grandmother died. We attended the funeral in Utrecht, at her Mother's house.. There was a Marquee pitched in the garden. At one entrance an aloes partially obstructed entry. I still Carry the scar where that Aloe's thorns scraped into my flesh when I stumbled into it.
I forgot the incident until my Mother In-laws children decided to build her a new House. I visited there with two American Missionaries en route to Ulindi. I remember standing and praying in the knee,high foundations and telling my Father.
"Father God you will have to build this house because there is no money. I knew the facts of the"blind" decision, I was aware of financial crisis in some of her children's lives, our own included.
I boldly declared to my travel companions that God would provide and that that the house will stand. I saw it in a vision. A couple of years earlier I fenced Mother In;laws massive property and was told in no uncertain terms how crazy I was for putting in so many bl**dy gates. She now cannot stop telling people how the gate was exactly where it should be, As if it was planned
I could not have known that her children will build her a new house,neither where it would stand,how big it would be etc. Yet the gate is exactly where it is supposed to be after many a year of being an irritation to the Old Girl about her White Son In-laws "madness".
She is moving into that house by the end of Winter this year!.
During another visit I noticed that the builders dug a trench past the Aloe and disturbed its roots so badly,that i feared it would die. I removed it with her permission and transplanted it in my garden,nearly 400 km away. I also took the rocks around it and some of the soil it grew in. It is the same Aloes in the picture and is now very tall and beautiful.
I once told the young people in Utrecht."If you want something,do something about it, plant a pole or even better plant a tree." If you desire a home find the location and go there and plant a tree in front of it,then you pray and tell your Father that you want to sit in the shade of that tree and play with your Grandchildren".
As an illustration mentioned the Home I bought in Utrecht and told them that, "One day this street will belong to me." I must be crazy and they laughed in disbelief. Today I own four of the six properties in that street.
Keep in mind that I have been "Unemployed" since 2002.I never gave up on my dream and I planted a tree. See a Tree can teach us a lot. For one thing it has no free will of where it wants to be. It is either scattered by the elements,man or animals and is content to grow,where "Fate" placed it.
It is totally dependent on external factors out of it's control on survival. It Depends on God Almighty  Same as us but only sometimes we do not acknowledge that. It is the same with us, only we have freedom of choice and movement and lack"The faith of a mustard seed."
That my dear brother and sister is all you need to make your dream come true. that and persverance. never ever give up on your dream even if the storms of life are gathering around you.Even if disease threatens your life or cripples you. No matter what"Hold on', and trust your Father. he will not give you a rock if you ask for a fish.
I plant a tree as a decleration of my faith. It is that simple.
I felt pity for the beautiful Aloe. I took the soil and rocks,that has been it's companions for so may years with it. Yes I still carry a scar from it deep in my soul, the one on my arm is superficial. It reminds me of who I am and my own frailty and reminds me of the Rock and soil in my life that I am totally depended on.
Thank you my Father. Amen.
The Aloe that 'marked" me for life.
Wednesday 29 July 2011
My day in Court
The Fairy's husband is petrified of a looming Court case and so should he be. Justice is a blind "B**ch. The problem is, Justice is dependant on humans and humans are fallible and sometimes downright prejudiced because of political or other affiliations.
Only the rich who can afford exorbitant legal fees stands a chance to get a "Fair" trial. How do I know this. Well I spent countless hours,days even weeks in Court as a journalist and observer.
I am just going to share some of the more memorable court cases I reported on. At that time the "Terrorist" cases  were still dragging on. The death penalty was still applied. There is nothing more chilling than to hear the words, "You will be taken from here and be taken to a place where a rope will be put around your neck and you shall hang until you are dead," or words to that effect.
The defiance of the Freedom fighter in the face of his pending death and the hatred in his eyes and then a blood curdling 'Amandla" with a balled fist in the air before he is lead away to die.
Likewise the disbelief and fear in the faces of two family men, when their world came tumbling down. Their "Leader" who they trusted with their lives having betrayed them with his superior intelligence,money and support walking away Scott free. Them leaving their desolate families behind, one had fifteen children, to spend nearly two decades in jail.
The "fearless" leader whose racist ideologies based on his Hero Hitler's mad ravings having robbed them of their freedom and leaving their families disillusioned and desolate. This same leader that tried to intimidate me during recess with the words "Is jy die verslaggewer van die Transvaler, Boeta ek gaan vir jou loop."
I felt Sad when Eugene Terreblanche was killed. Sad that an old man was brutally bludgeoned to death. sad that he never would understand what freedom really means. Sad that his fears of a "swart gevaar" was misinformed. Sad that he had to discover His Saviour also loved the people he hated.Yes I felt the same sadness I felt when the other Freedom fighter with his balled fist was led to his death.
Tha is why I hate politics. it only serves to destroy. There are too few men adequately equipped with Wisdom,knowledge and Empathy to make educated decisions on behalf of the masses. There are too few Tambo's,Naude's and Mandela"s and too many Terreblanche's,Hitlers,Gadaffis and miriads of ill informed madmen willing to be leaders.
I cry my beloved country I cry.
There were many other cases of brutal murder,madness,fraud,rape,incest and every other evil you could possibly think of. I saw it in all it's naked brutality. I had access to police files,court documents and photographs so gruesome it would make horror movies look like a picnic. I saw countless corpses,male,female,black,white,old and young and it did something to my Soul.
That is why I write this blog because my dear friend and reader I KNOW THAT U R LOVED by someone,somewhere and that I have Empathy with you regardless of who or what you are.
Peace be with you my brother and sister peace and love be with you forever.
Amen
doulos.
11;45 PM

Friends
I never had a lot of friends in my life. I was too high maintenance and more often than not I would turn my back on someone that cared, all be it for a while. Today I understand why I did it. why did I sometimes deliberately hurt someone, when in my deepest self I cried out for help and love.
I was my own worst enemy and did  not know it. I rejected what I desired and shunned what I loved.at the rate I was carrying on I would end up being a sad lonely old man. Sometimes I did foolish and even shocking things. I remember ending  in a Major's flat in Pretoria with his ex wife and being "kept prisoner". Luckily there was someone to bail me out,like there always was.
I was locked up in jail on the border in Namibia after I tried to "save a damsel in distress". She was much older than me and an experienced journalist. They bailed me out, all of them refused to let the Military Aircraft leave without me. If they did not I would be in serious trouble as I "assaulted" an Officer.
I lived with a woman 27 years my Senior and got cold feet when she wanted us to have a child. Her son was older than me.
I broke into the Dormitory for young christian Women to see my girlfriend. The next day I coolly walked past the cops investigating the "Invasion" and visited her legally.
I did many crazy and sometimes even dangerous things. Every single time there were three things involved. Alcohol,Woman/en and Me.
My guardian Angel worked over time. Every time I was bailed out and I lived on to regret my actions.
Why am I writings this?. To show off ?-  No (I am ashamed) because I feel sorry for myself ? - No (I have made peace with myself). I could ad many reasons but the only reason that I am doing this, is because I am human and I realise I am not the only one that did regrettable things in my Life.
I am gratefull that I do not have a criminal record. It could so easily have been different.
Because I am one of the fortunate ones who lived to tell the story. Because I was given an opportunity to face my Demons.Because of God's Grace I could overcome my alcohol addiction, I started drinking when I was fourteen. Yes I still have a drink, An absolute No-No according to the Rehab fundis. Yet I was released from the terrible thirst for alcohol. I can say no and I can stop before it is too late. occasionally I will drink too much, but only at home and only when I am with caring friends.
It was not an easy journey. I went through the exhausting process of facing the real Me more than once.It takes guts and determination and an earnest wish to turn around. It grinds your soul and rips your heart out and it is extremely exhausting. You are emotionally drained, physically depleted and exhausted. I lost four kilograms in  matter of half an hour out of naked fear and exhaustion trying to fight myself out of a situation instead of remaining calm. I lost the weight through my pores. I am not lying it was recorded.
Only when I faced my demons, once literally as it took control of my body and I suffered involuntary convulsions. I turned in front of deaths door three times in my Life. It is not a pleasant experience.
Only when I let go of my ego,only when I was subdued and admitted defeat and my human frailty was laid bare, was  I released. Only then could I take the "Chips", rather boulders off my shoulders one by one. Could I relieve the pressure off my being and breathe freely. I placed them one for one in front of The Cross in the damp blood stained earth at my Makers feet. I was alone, there were no witnesses, only me and my God. Only then was I, doulos, Free.
That is why I write this. Because I know, from bitter experience that there is only One Way and I was granted my "freedom", not because I deserved it.
Simply because I was loved
Amen
doulos.

Friday 1 July 2011
Face Book
How now brown Cow

Fanyana Freedom Fighter was tired of fighting and decided to marry.
He chose Kgomotso Communist and Linah Labour as his brides.
He paid lobolla of one million cattle, he stole from a neighbouring tribe.
...
Do you think the marriage is going to last
The unholy alliance is still going. Fanyana awarded himself a tender worth bilions to keep his brides happy. Kgomotso immediately claimed the money rightfuly belongs to her and her children and demanded Fanyana pay penis tax of 61 percent on his gains. Linah threatened to go on strike if she did not reach orgasm three times a week. On top of it she demanded overtime pay for sex as well as free health insurance and a new BMW. Kgomotso was worried that Fanyana would spend all the money n Viagra and Johny walker Blue label.
She demanded Nationalisation of all Pharmeceutical and Distilling companies and poured herself another whiskey. Linah was in labour again. She wanted a divorce as she planned to start an opposition party she complained that Fanayana always wanted to be on top during sex and did not recognise her superior talents in the bed.
Fayana privatised his marital duties for a week. He is now suing the company for fraud, confiscated all it's assets and declared his three brothers co-husbands of his marriage. His oldest son Jewelius, with Linah denied that Fanyana was his father and declared himself to be his own father.
Eish it would be funny if was not happening to us.
Saturday 11;19 PM
Seed
A begat B etc,etc. We read in the Bible. What it means to me is that I was planted and grew and became me. That is also what makes me unique even if I was an identical twin. No two people are 100% alike. Otherwise I and my twin would have identical fingerprints and DNA and Forensics would not be possible.
I call it the knowlege of the Seed. imagine a Tsunami hits an island and after all the damage and turmoil is over one coconut floats away in the currents of the calmed ocean. It ends up on a distant shore. Years pass and there is a whole gove of palm trees on that shoreline.
That seed had no choice. it did not choose to be a coconut seed. It did not choose to grow where it grew initially and it does not have a choice where it is growing eventually. From Alpha to Omega it simply obeyed what was hardwired into its being
The same happens to every seed. Every seed knows what it is supposed to be and becomes that. One plant can become bilions and produce trilions of seeds and every single one will have the same knowledge. They obey and flourish or become extinct, just to be recyled into nature to become something else that also carries the knowlege of what it is.
We are not plants and we were given mobility and a conciousness.Yet the basic principle is the same, we are a seed. We have the knowlege to become what we are. we also have the knowlege to become less than we are or more. So it is more or less up to us. simple is it not.
The power of the knowlege is imense. A mustard seed lands in the crevice of a huge rock on a mountain range. In time it splits the rock in two and the rock tumbles down the slope with disassterous consequences. The mustard seed gave the rock mobility. imagine if we "had the Faith (patience and perseverance) of a mustard seed".
You have my dear friend and you have the knowledge of the seed.
may God bless you with the wisdom to USE IT.
doulos
Monday 04 July 2011
Fish
The five letters of the Greek word for fish are the initial letters of five words, signifying "Jesus Christ, the Son of God, the Savior."


FRIENDS
14/09/2011

What does it mean to have friends. The Internet with it's social networking sites has become the norm to define friendship. Like most modern technology it lead to the decay of what it is trying to achieve. What good is friendship if you can "Unfriend" someone or "Befriend" a total stranger that could turn out to be a Stalker or even somebody much worse.
I have not written in my Diary for weeks, not that I had nothing to write about. I am busy establishing my Company and it is taking its toll on my time and finances.. Then along comes a true friend and his wife. A guy I went to school with and have not seen or heard of for more than thirty years.
A person that easily could have shunned my friendship as it is not worth pursuing due to me walking away from our friendship. Yet he comes back into my life and makes me rediscover my own values and question my own integrity.
A Big Man with even a bigger Heart. My company will take off because of Him and his Wife reaching out to my family with no strings attached. You only hear of such things in fairy tales or read about it on the odd occasion when a great Person Rises to the ocasion and earns the whole worlds respect.












Thank you Charl, thank you Daleen you are real friends. Not for what you can do but for your values and your understanding of the essence of life.

We Salute you.

11/11/11

I am so blessed that I cannot stop the wonderment that involantarily bubble up in my soul.

we had a wonderful evening at Krissmonne's school and my little girl was a star performing Waka Waka with so much energy and enthusiasm. She deserved the applause she got and she bloomed and basked in the admiration of her peers and the adults.

I have not written in my diary for weeks. i have been to busy growing Intaka Ezimbili Moringa. I have been going through stressful times and I have been praying. Oh Boy have I been praying. u see we are doing this out of pocket and I am a full time employee only my boss, Me, cannot afford to pay Me a salary.

So be it. I shall have it no other way. I know that my Master in heaven sees Me and Supports his Slave and keeps His Slave in ways that cannot be logically explained. every time I pray I get answered. People's purses and hearts are opening up magically. People I do not even know personally and people I have not seen or heard from for years. Total strangers seems to "know" me.

We are doing the seemingly impossible and I have a quiet confidence born from experience that huge events are going to manifest.

For that I thank my Creator. I do not deserve a thing other than the gift of life, that is more than sufficient for me. Yet I am abundantly blessed. Last week I prayed because we ere in a tight financial situation. This week we received a loan from an unexpected source. It happens every time without fail. and I bought what we needed  on 11/11/11 1t 11 minutes past eleven. Coincidence? You decide for yourself.

Peace be with you my brothers and sisters , Peace and love be with you forever.
Doulos

The Biggest Blessing of all

Sometimes something hugely important happens to us, something so immense that we struggle to come to terms with it. it takes a lot of meditation and soul search before we recognize it for what it is.

Such a thing happened to me.I knew instinctively that God planned such an event in my life. humanly I thought about something materialistic, something that will ease my financial situation. I was nearing my Spiritual birthday and was expecting something huge, a magnificent gift and the dollar signs literally lit up in my eyes.

god blessed me so many times with my little business and every time we desperately needed funds He provided.Always Just In Time en always Just Enough, for us tom eet our commitments and I was expecting a bonus. Something that I  do not have to pay back.

Then my daughter sent me an sms, "Daddy we are pregnant." Now they have been struggling for sometime to get pregnant and I am sure they enjoyed the effort. Nothing seemed to work and one day I advised her to take Moringa. It was nearly a month and a half after they started taking Moringa that I received the message.
read more about my company and Moringa here, http://www.intaka2moringa.co.za

Slowly but surely the news sank in and slowly but surely it dawned on me that i have received the Biggest Blessing of all, a Human Life. My genes will live on in the new life and I shall live even after my own Life expires on earth.

My Heart sang with joy and I praised "My Father" and thanked Him profusely for this immense gift. I am fifty one years old and will probably not have any more Children in Life and now I was blessed with new life.

I know that they will cherish and nurture and love this baby, that they so richly deserve. I know that they care and that they are carefully planning they infant's future. i am truly blessed.

Elsewhere in our Country babies are being dumped on a daily basis. Rejected and murdered and discarded  and every time I read about it my heart bleeds and I am engulfed in Sorrow.

Ho Theos Agape Estim.
I Praise You Almighty Father and Thank You With my Body,Heart,Mind and Soul





2012 se Jag
Manne Mag Maar Moerse Mense Wees
My boesem vriend het my weer verras en my uitgenooi om saam te gaan jag, en ek was bly, miskien is oorstelp n beter woord.
Verlede jaar het vir die eerste keer in my 51 jaar gaan jag en n Koedoe Koei geskiet. Dit was n mylpaal in my lewe. Iets wat ek nooit  sal vergeet nie en iets waarvoor ek dankbaar is.
Die keer was effens anders. Ek was meer voorbereid en minder senuagtig. Immers het ek die jagplaas geken en meeste van die manne wat sou saamgaan.
Ek het die spoorsnyers geken en die dames wat die kamp netjies hou.Bowenal het ek weer n  geleentheid om saam met “Chappie” en sy familie te kuier en te jag.
Al my lewe het ek nie maklik maats gemaak nie. Al my lewe het ek ongmaklik gevoel in mansgeselskap. My sosiale vernuf tussen manne het my telkens in die steek gelaat en ek het altyd  gevoel ek moet myself bewys.
Dit kan nogal komies raak as n ou van my ouderdom , met n paar whiskey’s agter die blad homself probeer bewys. Goddank bly  wat in Vivo gebeur in Vivo en daarom gaan  ek nie name noem, as dit nie nodig is nie.
Dag een, ons arriveer laatmidag met Chappie se twee Cruisers, “Bielie” en “Junior”. Pak af en kry elk ons akkomodasie in orde. Groet die kamppersoneel en gaan sit om die kampvuur om aandete voorberei.
Twee manne wat ek nie ken nie, een n onderyser en die ander met n sekuriteits agtergrond. Soliede manne almal inkluis Chappie, sy Pa en sy Seun.
Die volgende dag arriveer Chappie se kamermaat van Univesiteitsdae op sy eie stoom. Ons skiet en verstel die gewere. Twee windbukse,twee .22’s,n 303 en Jorrie het sy eie geweer saamgebring.
Ekprobeer byhou met stappery, het n nare onderonsie met my pacemaker gehad , twee weke voor die jag en is nou skrikkerig vir die ding.
My wreedaardige snorke in die nag sal nog legend word in die Bosveld. N OMGEKRAPTE LEEU KLINK SOOS N HUISKAT IN VERGELYKING. Gelukkig is daar ekstra beddens en my snorkey rig nie permanente skade aan met my geduldige kamermaat nie.
Vroulief het n Spesialis gaan sien en binnekort hoop ek my Sinusse sal my nie meer so baie kwel nie. Ek sal natuurlik n hele paar kilogram in gewig ook moet verloor voordat ek snorkvry kan voortleef, tot voordeel van my “longsufferinG’  vrou rn kind, en almal wat leefspasie met my moet deel van tyd tot tyd.
Saterdag skiet Jorrie twee rooibokke en Chappie een. Daar is n nuwe koelkamer in die kamp en die ding gee problem. Ouens het tot laatnag geworstel om seker te maak ons karkasse bly koel en gaan nie af nie.
Natuurlik was daar baie hulp en raad van manne wat gewoond is om die bul by die horings te pak. Ek kry n lekker geselsie in met oom Frikkie. Chappi se Pa is n wyse man, vol humor en enrgie. Hy het ten spite van sy gevorderde jare steeds n vlymskerp brein.
Hy is Vredemaker,raadgewer en vir my inspirasie. Al die manne wat ek gedurende die week ontmoet het was lafenis vir my onrustige  siel.
Hulle oordeel nie, gee raad en laat n mens tuis voel asof jy hulle jare al ken.
Maandag, dou voor dag gaan ek uit om te gaan jag, met Hannes en die soorsnyer Thuso. Vroulief het die budget so n bietjie gekonkel en ek mog n koedoe koei skiet. Dit sal my tweede een wees. Die eerste met een skoot deur die hart geskiet.
Thuso se skerp oe sien n Koei. Ek moet mooi kyk deur die 303 se teleskoop voordat ek haar gewaar. Kan net die ore agter n bos sien uitsteek, en om die saak te vergemoeilik is daar n groot koedoe bul se horings sigbaar skuins agter haar.
Charl het my vertek van ouens wat kopskote prober skiet en mis of die bokke kwes en vir ure agter hulle moet aanloop, boonop mog ons nie Koedoe bulle op die plaas skiet nie. Al die dinge flits deur my gedagtes en ek le aan. Die Koei moes onraad geruik het en rek haar nek om beter te kan sien. Ek mik tussen die oe, stuur n skietgebed op en druk die sneller.
Thuso is soos n kolhaas die bosse in, Mooi skoot,” jy het hom skreeu hy in die hardloop. Daar gekom le die koei, maar skop wild en dit vat moeite om haar keel aft e sny. Later met die slag sien ons die skoot is agter die oor uit. Ek het haar awe links op die neusbrug getref.
Stuur vroulief n SMS, “Kudu kopskoot” sy antwoord “Yipeeee”.
Sy is baie opgewonde en se ek moet die vel en horings saambring. Is teleurgesteld dat n koei nie horinghs het nie. Ek vra of sy die budget kan konkel date k n rooibok skiet sodat sy horings kan kry. Sy se dit is reg.
Charl soos altyd het vrygewig aangebied date k sy Ram kan huis toe vat, sodat Monica haar horings kan kry. Ek se dankie en bied aan om n ooi te skiet, goedkoper sien en  dan die horings saam te vat.  Op die einde is ek huistoe met n rooiboikram en horings.
My goedhartige vriend voel ongelukkig omdat hy dink hy hety sy slag met die geweer verloor. Ek bid vroegoggend by die vuur en vra my “Pappie.” Om my vriend n Blouwildebees te gee en ek bid, net een skoot asseblief Pappie dan moet hy val.”
Ons gaan Soutpan toe om Blouwildebeeste te gaan jag. Toe Charl se skoot klap, val die Blouwildebees, wat links gehardloop het en almal kyk regs waar die res van die trop in die bosse verdwyn. Ek gee Charl sommer n klap op die blad, “Jy het hom”. So was dit toe Charl het beide voorbene morsaf geskiet en die dier n genade skoot in die kop gegee.
My hart juig, my Vriend het sy eerste Blouwildebees platgetrek.  Hy vat die Karkas met sy Cuiser salgpale toe en se ons moet radio as on s nog iets skiet.
Roelf se seun wil ook n Blouwildebees skiet en hy en Thusois die bosse in. Nie lank nie en ons hoor die knal van Roelf se nuwe 308. Thuso radio n ruk later ons moet prober naderkom. Die Blouwildebees staan onder n boom onvas op die voete, en sy maat probeeer hom met n kopstamp wegkry. Stefan skiet weer en die dier val plat.
Charl word geroep om terug te kom. Twee wildebeest in twee ure!, dit vra om gedoen te word.
Net Roelf n gesoute jagter, en ou jagmaat van Charl kan verbeter daarop. Hy skiet twee Impalas met een skoot dood. N Ram en n Ooi. Die Ooi was buite sy siglyn en toe hulle nader stap om Hom te herwin kry hulle die Ooi net n paar meter verder.
Intussen het ander manne aangekom en ons kuier en jag lekker saam. Ons gaan besoek die Soupansberg met “Junior” en die
Uitsig is asemrowend.
Gaan braai en skiet skyf op Soutpan. Dit klink soos die Boereoorlog in die kleine. Die Lewe is lekker en ek voel bevoorreg omtussen die manne te wees, in die Bosveld.
Sewe rooibokke,twee Wildebeeste en n Koedoe Ooi sal die plaas verlaat en iewer sal daar biltong gemaak word en kampvuurstories sal oorvertel word.
Vir my gaan dit oor hegte vriendskappe met beginselvaste manne. Manne wat manwees verstaan en dit uitleef. Manne met oop harte en hande. Manne wat die word “Manwees” weer krag gee.
Ek is dankbaar en se dankie aan iedereen wat my lewe voller en beter gemaak het in die veld agter die Soutpansberg

2012/07/15
Abigail
How sweet is a name?, the first time it fell on my ears.
My grand daughter in the making still nestled cozily in her mothers womb.
i already know you Abigail because I loved you from the moment I heard of your conception.I am your Grand Father and I come from n very long line of Ancestors spanning back more than 300 years in Africa and many more in Europe.
I know your brain is still developing but i know your Consciousness is already aware of who you are. In fact your brain resebles the growing Universe and your brain cells looks very much like a snap shot on the trilions of stars in the Cosmos.
You are precious little Abigail and you are loved. As long as I live I shall be there for you, hoping to be inspiration and a source of knowledge and inspiration.Like my Heavenly Father that protects and holds me in the palm of His Almighty hand. I know He also holds you for  he loves me and He loves you.
Welcome little Abigail I await your first breath of Earth's atmosphere with anticipation.
I know instinctively all will go well with your berth and you will become the perfect human being, that you were created to be.
welcome my child I love you.


2012/08/21
LET THEM GRIEVE THEIR DEAD.
They are Fathers, Grand Fathers, Brothers, Uncles, and Sons.
They are also breadwinners responsible for many mouths to feed. Their responsibility towards their loved ones spans wide. Without their hard earned Salaries many will suffer.
One of things that irritated me endlessly when I “crossed the Colour line”, was  the “Excessive” funerals and the huge amounts of money that was spent on grieving and burying the dead
Unstill one fateful day when the Elders honoured me by joining them in administering the last rites to a young man, I barely knew. It shocked me being taken to a Mortuary. It shocked me to being asked to wash and care for His body. Then I realised , what an honour was bestowed on me. The Love that was shown to that cadaver cannot be adequately explained. They were tender and careful as if He was still alive. Each one treating Him, like He was their  own Son.
Then only did I realise why it was necessary for the elaborate funerals. These people lived far apart and deeply cared about each family member. They all contributed to give a loved one a respectful burial. No one cared about the money. They travelled very far to attend and be part of the mourning process. To show their love and commitment to the aggrieved family.
The women were busy preparing food and baking cakes for the daily Church service, that was held every day for a week. They served tea to all visitors. They also prepared to feed everyone every day , as many people came from afar and was sleeping over wherever they could find space.
The men were busy organising the Funeral and slaughtering livestock. Not all black people slaughter for the Forefathers. The family I joined are Christian and only slaughter to feed all the mourners.
Some people only arrive on the day of the Funeral and depart shortly after. The ones that live far normally come for a few days or even for the entire week.
I plead with , my White Compatriots, please do not judge what you do not understand.
Forget the politics and what is deemed fair or unfair. Marikana is a Human Tradegy.


Knowledge
2012/09/23
You are never too old to learn something new.
I have always cherished knowledge.I have always tried to understand, if only a little.By reading I have tried to broaden my horizon and understanding of life. I was but a small boy, when i spent many days in the library , reading.
Books are sources of knowledge and with the advent of electronic media and more efficient archiving, were given an extended lifetime.
Those who prophecy to be the holders of hidden knowledge are fooling themselves. They profess to have knowledge and denies others the same. If they really believed in the value of their knowledge they would have made it accessible to all.
They profess that even Jesus did not share this knowledge with all but His closest Disciples That type  of knowledge is in the realm of the unseen and can be imparted without pen and paper, or computers for that matter.
It hurts me deeply to see books being dumped in South Africa, when our youth, hunger for knowledge are getting restless and frustrated. Books are the key to their "Economic Freedom" , not Revolution as some would make them believe.
Then our Son goes along and burns his Bible. I do not care what he believes and I do not care if he turned his back on the religion he was brought up in, that is his free choice. It irks and hurts me deeply that he burned a book. Yes it is a holy book and yes he has the right to do it. But in doing so, he mistakenly believes that he destroyed something contained in it. He does not understand that the knowledge in the Bible can never be destroyed. It is in the minds of Millions of people who studied it and honor it and even memo-rises it.
My heart bleeds and I pray for Him. Pray that the love contained in that book, he burned will envelope Him and set Him free to become the perfect being, He was created to be.
Doulos



1012/10/25



Life
Welcome, welcome little Abigail
Welcome to Life. You are so frail yet brave
little Abigail. Your arrival was anxiously awaited.
Careful planning and many days of uncertainty and
Yes even a few tears.
Bursting into life, air forcing open your lungs.
You screamed in fear, the blinding light being
Ripped away from your cosy warm environment.
You cried little Abigail, you clenched your little fists
And you bravely faced the unknown called Life.
Now warm on your mother’s chest. Serene, comforted
By the heartbeat, that was your companion for
So long in your warm watery world.
They also went through anguish and stress
Before you arrived little Abigail.
Their friends and us, your grandparents
Gathered around. Herding and forming
A protective circle around you little Abigail.
It is our Mammalian instinct little one.
Your room awaits you in your parents
Home little Abigail. It speaks of their
Undying love for you and their
Dedication and hard work will
Secure your future little Abigail.
Welcome, welcome my child
You are loved baby girl, welcome.


Moringa
And the leaves of the tree are
For the healing of the Nations
Find it Revelations if you want to look
It up. This story is looong overdue and I shall try
Not to get emotional although I am absolutely
Passionate about  Moringa.
Why do you ask? It is simple it is
Truly a Miracle tree. Patient A(to protect her identity)
A woman that was  medically boarded for six months.
She could not get out of bed, was very thin and could
Barely eat. She is now one of our best Agents. She is a Nurse
And even uses Moringa mixed with Honey
To treat her patients bedsores with. She still
Uses Moringa and also sells and promotes
The use of it.
My wife read about a Lady in Limpopo planting
Moringa. She started doing research for many
Months and gathered reams of information.
Then the hard slog started, bumping our
Heads against the Red Tape wall in trying to
Get a license to import Moringa
There are a myriad of rules and forms to fill in.
In the mean time I started designing and creating
A brand for us to use as a vehicle for our Moringa
Company. It took months and oodles of money as
Finally we ordered and paid for our first shipment
Of Moringa from India. In the mean time we bought, at a premium,
From local suppliers.
Then one fateful day our first shipment arrived. We were elated
And did not mind the extra burden of 34% customs and
Excise duties we had to cough up.
Our product was registered our labels registered and
Barcoded and we bought machinery to start
Our distribution process.
We had Capsules made, previously sourced locally..
And our first 250 000 Moringa
Capsules finally arrived.
At first we sold in one and two’s then
Lots of ten and finally a hundred units
In one order.
We were learning fast, falling and getting up.
My estimations and calculations seemed to be
Way over the mark and yet God blessed as
And we sold even more than I could dream of.
I packed 1000 bottles of Moringa  Capsules, each
Containing 120 Capsules and thought it would
Last at least a year.
Barely 4 months later I ordered another batch of
250 00 capsules (1666 bottles)
My dear friends I cannot praise God enough,
 every time we needed money or got stuck
against another obstacle He provided.
From the ouset my philosophy was too
Stick 100% to the rules
And regulations set down by law and
It cost a lot. I also said that I shall not
Compete against any opposition. I shall
Do it my way and trust in God
To lead and guide me.
I also decided that we shall
Stay honest in what motivates us. I endeavoured
Never to turn a needy person away simply
Because they do not have money.
We supplied many an ill
Person with Moringa for free
To help them on the road to recovery.
Yes there were disappointments, yes
Some people relapsed and in most case
It was due to them not following
Advice and stopping to use
Their prescribed medication.
Our experience tells us that
Moringa works fast in building
Up the Immune system. People on ARV’s using
It was astounded that their CD counts
Picked up rapidly.
Our advice is and was stick
To your medication and use
Moringa to supplement it as it
Has no known side effects and
Can be used safely with most medication.
I know . I have a heart condition and drink 14
Tablets daily because of it. I addition I take
My Moringa daily.
My blood pressure has never
Been better because of it.
The feedback we get is
Vey positive. People cannot stop
Talking how it changed their lives.
I do not use the word Miracle easily as it
Implies God’s involvement.
I therefore do not like to make claims
About our products effects, I let
The people who use it, speak for
Themselves.
Now I stand in front of another hurdle.
With the weak Rand and the Monsoon
Season looming in India I have
To yet again bite  the bullet and
Order more stock.
We exhausted all avenues of financing
And have been going it, out of pocket, all
Along.
Our wonderful friends Charl and Daleen
Van Der Westhuizen gave us a huge
Kick-start by donating money, when we
Started off. Charl went even further and
Replaced my computer when we got burgled. I cannot thank them
Enough. Friends like that you do not find every day. They are  one
In millions and do it without any fuss.
One day my dear friend I shall return that favour
And with the help of God I shall do it in a big way.
In the mean time you and your family remains
In our prayers.
Yes I shall bite the bullet, Yes I shall again
Venture into unknown territory only because
I know I am not alone. My trust in God
Is what keeps me going.
I had a vision. I sat counting hundred rand
Notes and suddenly I prayed. “God give me
330 000 000 buffalo’s”.
Immediately my conscience attacked me
And I apologised to God for being so
Greedy,
Soon after that we received a consignment
Of Capsules from a local supplier. When I saw
The capsules it was like a lightning bolt
Hit me. I praised God and thanked him profusely
Because I realised my buffalo’s was noit the
Image on a R100 note but the capsules(they were grey casinfs)
I went back to my calculations and worked
Out a plan Although Hypothetical in
Nature this is what came out.
Calculations, formulas and assumptions
Rand Dollar conversions as on 2011/12/29
It came to 300 000 000 Capsules
My dear friends how do I explain miracles except that I am living proof of their existence.
My daughter recently said to me, “Daddy I know we all have a guardian Angel or maybe two but you have  at least 14”
Peace be with you my brothers and sisers, peace and love be with you forever.
Love
Doulos


Gender
Does God Evolve? I shall not try to answer that
Question. Man certainly does. We are no longer
A primitive people.
Sometimes our actions suggests otherwise.
We are still brutal warring amongst ourselves.
We lack empathy for our fellow man.
Hunger, famine and poverty is
Still present although the world
Have sufficient funds to eradicate it.
Aids and other disease still plaque
Mostly the poor.
As we discover ourselves and evolve
To higher planes of humanity we start
Questioning our morals.
With our basic needs
Satisfied we reach heights
Of spiritual development. One question
Still remain unsolved.
The gender dilemma.
We now acknowledge a third gender.
We acknowledge that people
Get born with ambiguous gender
Christians still battle to
Find a real answer for homosexuality
The Church disagrees on this issue
Some accept same sex marriages
Others allow homosexual clergy
Some remain resolutely against it.
The base their stance on the bible.
Moses ask God to allow divorce.
Because the Israelites demanded it.
Today divorce is common cause.
Female emancipation is the other thorny issue.
After  more than 2000 years
The Church cannot agree on it.
So it seems we have not
Reached the pinnacle of our evolution.
If we did these would not
Be issues.
I accept people because they
Are my kindred.
My religion does not allow
Me to judge others.
That is God’s prerogative.
So I conclude.
God is fully evolved from
Ever to ever.
Man has an awful
Long way to go.
My gender is personal.
I allow my fellow man
The same .
Peace be with you my brothers and sisters.
Peace and love be with you forever.
Amen.
doulos



Little Boy Blue
Alas it was too late.! Too late for you
Little boy Blue. You were not
Forgotten, you were in my prayers
Night and day.
He took you away too soon
Littke boy Blue. To save you
From more pain and anguish.
To rid you of the violent virus
That were tearing you apart
Cell by cell.
I tried to help and I shed a tear.
Now I am torn inside because
I failed you but He did not.
Once I also was a little boy.
A bewildered little boy, a
Very scared little boy.
I was lucky Little boy Blue,
Privileged and blessed.
Now my little friend I
Am getting old and I am
Going to pick you up
And put you on my
Lap and care for you
And nurture your soul
With the vibrancy of
My own.
I left a gift
In Utrecht little
Boy Blue to try
And prevent more pain
And agony and desolation.
I pray you help me
Your Soul joins mine
In this fight to rid
Your hometown
From the terror.
I beseech my FB
Friends to care
For one orphaned child.
Let the Sun shine on them
Even just for a day.
Love and peace be with you
My brothers and my sisters.
Love and peace be with you forever.
Amen
Doulos

New Year
So 2013 is arriving and all of us,
Bar  the recently deceased are still
On Mother Earth’
She may be ageing a bit, she
May grumble about her increased load
Of humanity.
The transition from one
Year to the next will happen
Seamlessly. Time will simply
Tick on,
If you happen to indulge a
Wee  bit too much and
Enter the New year  passed out, don’t
Worry it will happen without your help.
Don’t worry about the dreaded 13 either
The numerologists and
Calendar starrers
Got the end of the world
Wrong, quite a few times
During the passing centuries.
The stargazers, ghost hunters and
Entrails fundi’s count
Amongst those thumb suckers
Who knows squat and
Boldly announce their predictions
As if they are blessed
With hidden knowledge.
You shall know a true
Prophet by the accuracy
Of His/Her utterings.
Believe me I do not
Wish to mock them.
I know there is truth
In what some of them say.
Those who apply it to
Their own lives normally
Pluck the fruits of
Their special knowledge
And special talents.
Suddenly the world abounds
With Apostles and others
With two or more titles.
Dr, Apostle, prophet
So and so are going
To perform “Miracles”
On such and such a date.
The arrogance of it
Is astounding.
There are even “Messiahs”
Aplenty. Some are
Reincarnations of Jesus
And some got
A message from God
Ordaining them to
“save the World”
The Bible says there
Will be one, that will
Perform miracles and
                                                                                Even the “Elect” will                              
Be misled
So do not worry. If you
Are reasonably healthy and
Your intake exceeds
Your capacity you will
Most likely wake up
“a year later”, with
A nasty hangover.
For me, I know
My Lord will come
“Like a thief at Night”.
And before that happens
There will be distinct signs.
Like a Sparrow I shall
Simply carry on
With the life, I was given.
I shall trust in the
Only One ,that knows, the
Time when “All Ends.”
In the meantime
I shall live my dream.
I shall be grateful for
Life and enjoy it

My wish for You, my
Brothers and Sisters
Is Peace and Prosperity
For as long as you live.
Love
Doulos.
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