History

My Diary September 2013 Onwards

 
Nourrice
 
A "nourrice" is woman, usually from a lower class, who breastfeeds babies of women of higher societies because it was deemed unfit for mothers of a certain standing to perform such task...
 
The Spring of 2013
and I choose this photo
to share with you
"Told you he was touched
by the moon..."
Something touched me
many moons ago
and changed me forever
it was a black nipple
attached to a black breast
attached to a black woman
Huh ?
Yes my Mother told me
I was breastfed
by a black Nanny
soon after I was born
because she had
complications
from childbirth
and was too weak
to do it herself
Shock, horror
a Dominee's wife nogal
and that at the height
of Apartheid
or was it
Clearly I have bonded
with that woman
because I have
always felt had and affinity
for black females
I grew up normal
like most little white
boys of the time
had many a crush on
little white girls
even married a
beautiful blond bombshell
and had a lovely white
baby girl by her
A picture of me in Army fatigue
I was a Foot Soldier
Hard as nails and super fit
yes I had a six pack
but I could not
agree to a war
,I felt was unjust
I was not indoctrinated enough
to kill on "my masters command"
My friends will cringe
some would be indignant
because they feel
"They did their duty"
And they suffered
for it emotionally
physically and psychologically
This is not
about that war
this is about humanity
I am holding
an orphaned Koi San girl
,whose parents died
in that war
She just warmed to me
We were visiting
with an International
press contingent
and the female
journalists spread this
picture and others
like it across the globe
Why did she warm to
me and not all those
females
,that I escorted
She knew
like I know
A woman's bond
with her baby
is permanent
and deep seated
and we
literally smell
each other out
as kindred spirits
as family
This white
Afrikaner boy
and tiny Koi San girl
united
by a black nipple
I did marry
my African queen
and we have
a beautiful daughter
my daughter also married
a black man
and I have
a beautiful granddaughter
My daughter in my
previous marriage
was ripped away
from me
by a nasty divorce
and grew up
with her mom and stepdad
so do not blame
me
for her choice
of life
companion
I wrote this
when my little grandchild
was born
Life
Welcome, welcome little Abigail
Welcome to Life. You are so frail yet brave
little Abigail. Your arrival was anxiously awaited.
Careful planning and many days of uncertainty and
Yes even a few tears.
Bursting into life, air forcing open your lungs.
You screamed in fear, the blinding light being
Ripped away from your cosy warm environment.
You cried little Abigail, you clenched your little fists
And you bravely faced the unknown called Life.
Now warm on your mother’s chest. Serene, comforted
By the heartbeat, that was your companion for
So long in your warm watery world.
 
They also went through anguish and stress
Before you arrived little Abigail.
Their friends and us, your grandparents
Gathered around. Herding and forming
A protective circle around you little Abigail.
It is our Mammalian instinct little one.
Your room awaits you in your parents
Home little Abigail. It speaks of their
Undying love for you and their
Dedication and hard work will
Secure your future little Abigail.
Welcome, welcome my child
You are loved baby girl, welcome
 
 
so there you have it
I know you always wondered
how I ended up
where I ended up
it was written
in the stars
it was
nourished
by a black nipple
so now I am
what I am
unashamedly
unaffected
by the
colour of
your skin
or your ethnicity
or your
culture
or your religion
all because of
a black nipple
peace and love
be with you
my brothers and sisters
forever
Amen
doulos
 
 
Sex

 
 
 My most embarrassing moment
involves a Scope Magazine,
a cigarette and an erection
Shame on me
Thunder and lightning
and everything
frightening
and God descended
in fire and brimstone
annihilating
the filthy sinner
that was me
Oh Woe is me
and I suffered
for many years
hating my sinful
nature
then I read the Bible
and
There are almost 500 examples of suggested sexual activity in Genesis
and
Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever!" Amen (Romans 1:21-25).
and
The poem describes two young lovers aching with desire. The obsession is mutual, carnal, complete. The man lingers over his lover’s eyes and hair, on her teeth, lips, temples, neck, and breasts, until he arrives at “the mount of myrrh.” He rhapsodizes. “All of you is beautiful, my love,” he says. “There is no flaw in you.”
and
The girl returns his lust with lust. “My lover thrust his hand through the hole,” she says, “and my insides groaned because of him.”




ד  דּוֹדִי, שָׁלַח יָדוֹ מִן-הַחֹר, וּמֵעַי, הָמוּ עָלָיו.

4 My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my heart was moved for him.

ה  קַמְתִּי אֲנִי, לִפְתֹּחַ לְדוֹדִי; וְיָדַי נָטְפוּ-מוֹר, וְאֶצְבְּעֹתַי מוֹר עֹבֵר, עַל, כַּפּוֹת הַמַּנְעוּל.

5 I rose up to open to my beloved; and my hands dropped with myrrh, and my fingers with flowing myrrh, upon the handles of the bar.
 
 
and 
In the Bible, “traditional marriage” doesn’t exist. Abraham fathers children with Sarah and his servant Hagar. Jacob marries Rachel and her sister Leah, as well as their servants Bilhah and Zilpah. Jesus was celibate, as was Paul
and
A girl’s virginity was her father’s to protect—and to relinquish at any whim. Thus Lot offers his two virgin daughters to the angry mob that surrounds his house in Sodom. Deuteronomy proposes death for female adulterers
and


14.Lot and his daughters camp out in a cave for a while. The daughters get their "just and righteous" father drunk, and have sexual intercourse with him, and each conceives and bears a son
and
Wherefore David arose and went, he and his men, and slew of the Philistines two hundred men; and David brought their foreskins,  and they gave them in full tale to the king, that he might be the king's son in law. And Saul gave him Michal his daughter to wife.
and
I am more confused
than ever
God creates man naked
give him a naked companion
and orders him to multiply
and he did
oh boy he did
about 7 billion times
at least
did he fornicate
and forever
after he
suffers for it
The church forces
men and women
to abstain
for the sake
of their faith
and causes
untold misery
and guilt
and the most
of vile
deeds
involving
innocent children
man never learns
and keep on
lusting merrily ahead
eish
"CHOP ALL OF IT OFF1"
not only the
foreskin
I shout out
in desperation
while being
brutalised
for the sake
of my father's faith
I imagine
that, if I
was able to
and could understand
as a baby
that is
how I would
have reacted
If I knew
what lay ahead
for me and
my appendage
Now I just love
with one rule only
do not harm
anyone including myself
in the process
I love God
I love my neighbour
and
I love myself
period
Peace and love be with you
my brothers and sisters
forever
Amen
doulos

Miracle
I have a dream
In fact I have a few
not as illustrious
as THE dream
Is it even possible?
I hear some ask
It takes miracles
to make dreams work
I have had my
share of miracles
I have written about it
elsewhere on this blog
Now I am going
to put my foot in it
I am going to put
my money
where my pen is
and I shall share it
with you
If my miracle happens
so be it
If not
it would not be the
first egg on my face
My dream
of visiting India
started more than 13 years ago
I was virtually on my way
when illness
put a stop
to my plans
Now I am in
the process
of planning a trip
to the magic and mystery
of India
Don't have the money
Yet
Have an itinerary
have tentative dates
have plenty of ideas
Have heavy opposition
from my other half
If she carries on
I shall take
her with
just to prove a point
Why India?
I import from India
I have a good friend
living in Hyderabad
Do you remember
K.E.B.A.B
my friend?
He is living
his dream
Now it is
my turn
Am I mad
No budget
just ideas
and faith
oodles of faith
and if I fail?
you can have
the last laugh
I shall not fail
I trust in,
and talk
to,
"My Father"
India is steeped
in spirituality
has many God's
many beliefs
I Go with my
protection,
afforded to me
by my God
I go there
to immerse
myself in
ancient wisdom
for Ayurveda
for humanity
for Nature's
abundance
I shall not visit
buildings built
for Gods
for Lovers
for Politics
I go for people
for culture
be part of
the  society
of the
global village
I shall keep
you posted
share the
excitement and
the drama
and intrigue
as my
miracle
creates itself
now it is time to go

Phir milen-gay.!   अलविदा।

Peace and love be with you
my brothers and sisters
forever
Amen
doulos

Poem

Now the king of Israel entered formerly in the land in my father’s land; [but] Hadad made me myself king, and Hadad went in front of me; [and] I departed from [the] seven [ . . . ] of my kingdom; and I slew seve[nty ki]ngs, who harnessed thou[sands of cha]riots and thousands of horsemen. [And I killed Jo]ram, son of A[hab,] king of Israel, and [I] killed [Ahazi]yahu, son of [Joram, kin]g of the House of David; and I set [their towns into ruins ? . . . the ci]ties of their land into de[solation ? . . . ] . . . other and to overturn all their cities ? . . . and Jehu] [ru]led over Is[rael . . . ] siege upon [ . . . ]

This broken slab
Tells a story
For once
There is an iota
Of evidence
In Historical archives
That
King David actually
Existed
Or so the scholars
Have decided
There is no
Physical evidence
That King David
Or for that matter
King Solomon ever existed
Outside
Of what we read
In The Bible
I have a problem
With that
Because I believe
The Holy Book
Or at least
The Old Testament
Is a library
Of Human Events
Recorded by
Ancient peoples
So what about the poem
The love poem
“Song of Songs”
That was sung in taverns
In Biblical times
 
ד  דּוֹדִי, שָׁלַח יָדוֹ מִן-הַחֹר, וּמֵעַי, הָמוּ עָלָיו.
4 My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my heart was moved for him.
ה  קַמְתִּי אֲנִי, לִפְתֹּחַ לְדוֹדִי; וְיָדַי נָטְפוּ-מוֹר, וְאֶצְבְּעֹתַי מוֹר עֹבֵר, עַל, כַּפּוֹת הַמַּנְעוּל.
5 I rose up to open to my beloved; and my hands dropped with myrrh, and my fingers with flowing myrrh, upon the handles of the bar.
So my spiritual leader
And yours,
If you want to admit
Tries to sell this book
As a reference
Of the love
Of Jesus for
His Church
Ouch broer
he really would
have
dipped into "the hole"
you make me believe
then I would
also believe
all the Old Testament
Fairy Tales
I respect
The Holy Book
And I know it
Intimately
I also know
It is a Powerhouse
Of information
I also knows
It was
Put together by people
People who told
Stories of old
And recorded them
So I am grateful
For the broken slab
That proves
King David’s
Existence
I am even happier
Because that
Automatically includes
“the Poem”
Purportedly written
About King Solomon
And His dark skinned
Beauty
I do not buy
The story that
The Song Of Solomon
Is anything other
Than an erotic
Love ballade
Peace and love be with you
My brothers and sisters
Forever
Amen
Doulos
 


Sow
 
 It is springtime
It is time to sow
so I am planting
14 different
types of peppers
five seeds each
How many will grow?
I do not know
Them there are seeds
in water
for 72 hours
and then the
fridge for  90 days
sounds a bit
that they
have been found guilty
and sentenced
On my desk
some rare seeds
in a pill bottle
mixed with
water and
bird droppings
The stench of
pigeon poo
is baaad!
believe me
luckily the bottle
is sealed
I make do
I am not
a horticulturist
would also like
to do a course
teaching me how
So if there
is someone
with a nursery
that needs
a helping hand
I shall work
for free
in exchange
for experience
There are also
seeds growing
in my life
they landed
in the fertile
soil of my soul
it took
a lot of pain
and a lot
of suffering
before
I was fertile
enough
for these
truth seeds
to prosper
Maybe the
Creator
also "fooled"
those seeds
with cold
and dung and
whatever it takes
to make
them germinate
now I
patiently wait
to see
my seeds grow
Have faith
you may just be
surprised
pace and love
be with you
Forever
my brothers and sisters
and may
you grow
and flourish
Amen
doul0s 

Staying Positive 
 

 
I do get depressed
just opening my Paper
and the negativity
of my Land
Jumps at me
and threatens
to choke me
People hurt you
sometimes
the ones closest
to you
say and do
hurtful things
Lack of money
equals lack of love
in our materialistic world
The children are crying
my beloved land
they are abused
murdered and raped
and left hopeless
in a place
where few care
our spineless
leaders wobbling
on their jelly legs
indecision sloshing
in their dung
filled skulls
so how do
you stay positive
I know what I do
to keep sane
Firstly I pray
every day
I talk to
My Father
Then I start
 looking foe beauty in
my immediate
 surroundings
I normally find
beauty
in birds
in plants
in the blue
sky
I Tank my Father
and appreciate
His Immense love
and I ask Him
"Let all things
work together
for the ones
that love you"
Soon things look up
things start going right
That one that hurt me
hugs me
My child
sings for me
the trees bloom for me
the birds sing
their happy songs
and the sky
is just the
perfect blue.
Hang in there
my brothers and sisters
and may all things
work together
to bring you love and peace
Forever
Amen
doulos
 
  Abundance
 
 
 

 
 
My daughter,breathless
"Daddy, Daddy come look"
"I just heard crack.!"
a branch  from our
Our kumquat tree
overladen with fruit
snapped from the
weight of the abundance
and destroyed
my wife's
washing line
in the process
It was late in
the afternoon
and I asked
Nonthlantla
and Krissmone
to help me
pick the
fruit from
the broken branch
less than two
hours later
I had two bottles
of kumquat chutney
It struck ne
that the "accident"
bore fruit
literally
Because we
are sometimes
too occupied
with our lives
we fail to "see the wood"
for the trees
We are given in
abundance
and because
it is not
"what we expected"
we do not recognise
the blessing
Our ungrateful nature
conditions us
to want to
hit the jackpot
sometime
soon
while we are buried
in treasure The sad song
of the forlorn
Sparrow
is a fallacy
created in
our minds
That Sparrow
is jubilant
It was blessed
with abundance
and knows it
That is why it
lives carefree
and carries on
mating and building
its nest
If God
cares about
that one Sparrow
your blessings
are tenfold
if you would only
notice it
and carry on
in a life
of carefree
abundance
May your blessings overflow
my brothers and sisters
and may peace and love
be with you forever.
Amen
doulos
 
 
 Still


Little horses dancing
I was watching the
rain through a window
I always loved rain
loved the feeling
of my bare feet
splashing in
the puddles
The raindrops
looked
like little
horses galloping
My earliest memories
A beautiful bird
lying on a rock
blood dripping
into a puddle
I spent hours
alone in the forest
hunting birds
stalking a beautiful
Loerie
It was too big
for my pellet gun
but I kept on
stalking
until finally
I shot it
I ran to where it fell
next to the stream
on a rock
The image
of the blood
dripping in the puddle
and the beautiful
creature
I killed
remained with me
for a long time
I wrote an essay
about it and won
a prize
I was a lonely
little boy
preferring the
solitude
of nature
to being with friends
My lonely hours
in the open veldt
the forest, the bush
and the beach
were treasured
I felt one
with nature
Whenever I could
I would seek
open spaces
on my bicycle
on foot
always alone
it sensitised
me
it taught me
things I
would never
have known
I lost that
little boy
for many years
he was
suppressed
and now
I am
reaching out
to him
rediscovering
myself
learning to
embrace
and love him
He is a gift
a blessing
and he holds
my dream
Amen
doulos
 
 
 Doubt
 The only reason
I am not
an Agnostic or Atheist
is that I have
personal experience
of the Power and Glory
of the Almighty
Many times
I have been saved
from certain death
many times
I have been protected
and often
I am blessed
after conversing
with
My Father
so why this strange picture
ok I shall explain
You see we have
a mental picture of God
we even depicted
His Son Jesus
on the cross
So we as Christians
look at other
religions
and think they
are not altogether sane
What, with Gods
with many arms
and Elephant heads
etc.,etc
Each of the cherubim had four faces: One face was that of a cherub, the second the face of a human being, the third the face of a lion, and the fourth the face of an eagle
Does this picture
look any better?
Ok it is weird
but that is
how Ezekiel described
an angel
They are truly
frightening beings
some with four wings
and have six wings
and are covered in eyes
So what does God
look like
Nobody accept
the Angels
have seen Him
He is so Awesome
that we as, humans
needs a Guardian Angel
If we want to be
in His Presence
We would simply
die if we saw him
Some are so fearsome
they are called
the
 Fiery ones
So as humans
we like to think
God looks like us
If his Angels
are such amazingly
"inhuman" beings
it makes sense
that God
does not resemble
a human being
That HE is
Awesome
I know
instinctively
I trust Him
explicitly
That is if He
is a male
as we like
to think
Peace and love
be with you my brothers and sisters
and may your Angels protect you
forever
Amen
doulos
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

10 comments:

  1. so there you have it

    I know you always wondered

    how I ended up

    where I ended up

    it was written

    in the stars

    it was

    nourished

    by a black nipple

    so now I am

    what I am

    ReplyDelete
  2. CHOP ALL OF IT OFF1"

    not only the

    foreskin

    I shout out

    in desperation

    while being

    brutalised

    for the sake

    of my father's faith

    I imagine

    that, if I

    was able to

    and could understand

    as a baby

    that is

    how I would

    have reacted

    If I knew

    what lay ahead

    for me and

    my appendage

    ReplyDelete
  3. I shall keep

    you posted

    share the

    excitement and

    the drama

    and intrigue

    as my

    miracle

    creates itself

    now it is time to go


    Phir milen-gay.! अलविदा।

    ReplyDelete
  4. 4 My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my heart was moved for him.
    5 I rose up to open to my beloved; and my hands dropped with myrrh, and my fingers with flowing myrrh, upon the handles of the bar.

    Ouch broer
    he really would
    have
    dipped into "the hole"
    you make me believe
    then I would
    also believe
    all the Old Testament
    Fairy Tales

    ReplyDelete
  5. Maybe the

    Creator

    also "fooled"

    those seeds

    with cold

    and dung and

    whatever it takes

    to make

    them germinate
    now I

    patiently wait

    to see

    my seeds grow

    ReplyDelete
  6. our spineless

    leaders wobbling

    on their jelly legs

    indecision sloshing

    in their dung

    filled skulls

    so how do

    you stay positive

    I know what I do

    to keep sane

    ReplyDelete
  7. That one that hurt me

    hugs me

    My child

    sings for me

    the trees bloom for me

    the birds sing

    their happy songs

    and the sky

    is just the

    perfect blue.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Our ungrateful nature

    conditions us

    to want to

    hit the jackpot

    sometime

    soon

    while we are buried

    in treasure

    ReplyDelete
  9. He is a gift

    a blessing

    and he holds

    my dream

    ReplyDelete
  10. That HE is

    Awesome

    I know

    instinctively

    I trust Him

    explicitly

    That is if He

    is a male

    as we like

    to think

    ReplyDelete